# Ask the Middle Aged Curmudgeon **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 11, 2010, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325 "2010-07-11T20:11:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/1 "2010-07-11T20:11:21Z")
I’m middle-aged and grumpy. I watch football, eat red meat, probably cancel your vote most elections, smoke, drink, screw, gamble, curse, used to own guns prior to that tragic boating accident, and otherwise enjoy being thoroughly, unabashedly male and heterosexual. Got me a riding lawnmower, weedeater, leaf blower, hammers, axes, shovels, tents, knives, fishing poles, big ass TV, and just a plain old big ass. Ask whatever you want, but stay off my damn lawn. And turn that shakey-booty music down. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/2 "2010-07-11T20:12:32Z")
Is it as bad as I think it is? The world that is, not you being curmudgeony. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/3 "2010-07-11T20:15:28Z")
It’s much worse. The world is a cold, harsh place that will chew you up and spit you out. Or rattle your windows with loud Boom-Boom music from those damn kids. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/4 "2010-07-11T20:18:16Z")
What can I do to piss you off besides walking on your lawn and playing loud music? I don’t want to do either of those. Does it piss you off that I smile at strangers? That I am eternally sunny? I hope so! 🙂 \ ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/5 "2010-07-11T20:20:23Z")
Meat: rare, medium rare, or medium? Charcoal, or propane? Beer: “light,” or regular? Handguns: 1911, or commie Euro-guns? Rifles: .308/30-06, or 7.62? Cars: auto, or four-on-the-floor? ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/6 "2010-07-11T20:35:13Z")
> [@Brynda](#): > > What can I do to piss you off besides walking on your lawn and playing loud music? I don’t want to do either of those. > > Does it piss you off that I smile at strangers? That I am eternally sunny? I hope so! 🙂 > > \ Did you miss the part about me being thoroughly, unabashedly male and heterosexual? Hippie chicks tend to be…exceptionally talented when accessed horizontally. To piss me off, you’re gonna have to do something like knock on my door during a football game, collecting money for some silly cause. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/7 "2010-07-11T20:42:37Z")
> [@ExTank](#): > > Meat: rare, medium rare, or medium? > > Charcoal, or propane? > > Beer: “light,” or regular? > > Handguns: 1911, or commie Euro-guns? > > Rifles: .308/30-06, or 7.62? > > Cars: auto, or four-on-the-floor? Meat: Rare, or medium rare. Charcoal by choice, whatever is handy if I’m hungry. Handguns: S&W .357 magnum, double action Rifles: 1894 Winchester replica, chambered for .357 magnum. I like a semi-long gun and a handgun with the same round. 30-06 if I’m sniping. Cars: manual, as it was meant to be ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/8 "2010-07-11T21:01:57Z")
Do you drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane, while people behind you are going insane? Do you like football, and prorno, and books about war? Do you, in fact, have a nice hardwood floor? 😛 For reals this time: what’s the best Bruce Springsteen song? Who would you rather kick in the 'nads? Elton John or Justin Timberlake? ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Onimous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/9 "2010-07-11T21:05:18Z")
No questions, but you are my new (and first) Doper crush. Just don’t tell my husband. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Enuma\_Elish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5e9695/32.png) [@Enuma\_Elish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enuma_Elish)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/10 "2010-07-11T21:10:20Z")
I get it. You are old and forgetful. That doesn’t excuse you not answering what kind of beer you drink. Unless you are embarassed to admit that you love some fru fru microbrew? ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/11 "2010-07-11T21:12:16Z")
He avoids the beer question. That means he doesn’t drink or does not like beer. In either case ,that changes all perceptions immediately. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/12 "2010-07-11T21:13:11Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > Do you drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane, while people behind you are going insane? No. I tend to speed a bit. I’m macho and reckless like that. > [@](#): > > Do you like football, and prorno, and books about war? Do you, in fact, have a nice hardwood floor? > > 😛 This sounds suspiciously like a quote from something modern. \ > [@](#): > > For reals this time: what’s the best Bruce Springsteen song? _Glory Days_, which have now passed me by. Dammit. But I used to have a decent heater. > [@](#): > > Who would you rather kick in the 'nads? Elton John or Justin Timberlake? Neither individual actually exists in my world, unless they’re singing the National Anthem or doing the halftime show, which grants immunity to 'nad kicking as long as they aren’t in the stadium once the game is over. ---
**Author:** ![Tethered\_Kite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a5b964/32.png) [@Tethered\_Kite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tethered_Kite)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/13 "2010-07-11T21:18:22Z")
Dear Middle-Aged Curmudgeon. I have two questions for you. 1. How old do you have to be before you are no longer either, a. curmudgeonly, or, b. middle-aged? 2. If a person aims for a fair amount of elderly curmudgeonliness and thinks they may be falling short, what exercises would you recommend to sharpen the edge? (I’m asking for a friend.) ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/14 "2010-07-11T21:19:10Z")
> [@Enuma\_Elish](#): > > I get it. You are old and forgetful. That doesn’t excuse you not answering what kind of beer you drink. Unless you are embarassed to admit that you love some fru fru microbrew? > [@gonzomax](#): > > He avoids the beer question. That means he doesn’t drink or does not like beer. In either case ,that changes all perceptions immediately. I missed the beer question because some damn kid was driving down the street with the boom boom music, and I had to go write down his tag number. Almost spilled my beer in the process, which really woulda pissed me off. I don’t consume anything light or diet, except cigarettes. Getting soft in my middle age. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/15 "2010-07-11T21:20:33Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Did you miss the part about me being thoroughly, unabashedly male and heterosexual? Hippie chicks tend to be…exceptionally talented when accessed horizontally. To piss me off, you’re gonna have to do something like knock on my door during a football game, collecting money for some silly cause. Amateur! I have a shiny red “No Solicitors” sign stuck to my mailbox. Woe betide the college kid with a petition. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/16 "2010-07-11T21:25:50Z")
> [@Tethered\_Kite](#): > > 1. How old do you have to be before you are no longer either, a. curmudgeonly, or, b. middle-aged? Curmudgeonhood is earned. Once you achieve it, you never lose it. > [@](#): > > 1. If a person aims for a fair amount of elderly curmudgeonliness and thinks they may be falling short, what exercises would you recommend to sharpen the edge? (I’m asking for a friend.) The best training ground is your local mall. Especially if it has a record store. The gum-smacking teeny-bopper at the register won’t know what a record is, and will look at you funny when you refer to albums. She will also attempt to steer you to the store’s 3 dusty Frank Sinatra cds, way in the back, because she and all her coworkers have a pool for anybody that ever sells one. Worse, they think they discovered Janis Freakin Joplin and Tye-Dye. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/17 "2010-07-11T21:28:18Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Amateur! I have a shiny red “No Solicitors” sign stuck to my mailbox. Woe betide the college kid with a petition. That wouldn’t work out so well for me. My mailbox is across the rural highway from my house. And for the really dippy ones, the impaled corpses of their predecessors seem to make little impression. If Darwin was right, in 10 generations a bunch of cats will be running the planet. ---
**Author:** ![Enuma\_Elish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5e9695/32.png) [@Enuma\_Elish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enuma_Elish)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/18 "2010-07-11T21:34:59Z")
Are you a wine drinker? Do you know a pinot from a greejio? ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/19 "2010-07-11T21:36:10Z")
Siddown and shudup, old man, if you want lunch. (Courtesy of the curmudgeonly old woman) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2010, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/20 "2010-07-11T21:39:00Z")
> [@Enuma\_Elish](#): > > Are you a wine drinker? Do you know a pinot from a greejio? Wine is something you drink when you have to be civilized for some damn thing that’s probably a liberal’s fault, or when you’re trying to get laid. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325.md?page=2)