# Ask the Middle Aged Curmudgeon **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 11, 2010, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325 "2010-07-11T20:11:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/61 "2010-07-12T14:35:35Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Do you think that maybe life is a little too short to spend the later half of your life all “grumpy” and pissed off at the world for no reason? No. If I thought that, the title of this thread would be something like “Ask the Dippy-Hippy Tree Hugging Pinko-Commie Non-Football Watching Dude”. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/62 "2010-07-12T14:49:33Z")
> [@Gagundathar](#): > > When does ‘middle age’ start, in your opinion, **Oakminster**. > I was just wondering because my wife doesn’t think I am middle-aged yet, but if I am not, then I am very likely going to live to be more than 110 years in total. > Maybe my math is a bit suspect. Middle age starts at age 42, by which time one is expected to have accumulated several towels that were not liberated from hotel captivity. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/63 "2010-07-12T15:00:29Z")
So, at the ripe old age of 42yrs, you’ve decided to close your heart and mind, give up striving to be a better person, and embrace your character flaws as those being cynical transforms them into virtues? What a peach you must be to share time with. So, how’s it feel to know that you’ll be the most hated and ignored old man at the nursing home? Hope you enjoy sitting in your own waste! ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/64 "2010-07-12T15:08:54Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > So, at the ripe old age of 42yrs, you’ve decided to close your heart and mind, give up striving to be a better person, and embrace your character flaws It is indeed a Noble Endeavor. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/65 "2010-07-12T15:27:36Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > So, at the ripe old age of 42yrs, you’ve decided to close your heart and mind, give up striving to be a better person, and embrace your character flaws as those being cynical transforms them into virtues? ! Fuck being a better person. That’s hippy-dippy horseshit. I don’t want to buy the world a Coke, and I don’t give a damn if they sing in perfect harmony. I want to be a comfortable person. Nice house, big ass TV with lots of football watching options, and a lawn to protect from young Vandals and/or Visigoths. ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/66 "2010-07-12T15:37:58Z")
OK… 42 sounds about right to me. I’d like to live to be 120+, but 84 isn’t too bad. Nice reply regarding disposal methods of cannabis. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/67 "2010-07-12T18:09:58Z")
What about if I sweeten the deal with a big ass tv, smoked and/or grilled meat and a hot tub? Somebody whose name I won’t mention [sub]**kopek[/sub]** said I should sweeten the deal. ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/68 "2010-07-12T18:41:50Z")
Bah, you call yourself a curmudgeon. Why in my day a curmudgeon wouldn’t be caught dead typing in some “message board”, whatever that is, much less answering questions from a bunch of hippies. Sheesh, kids these days. ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/69 "2010-07-12T18:45:17Z")
> [@Mollie\_Magill](#): > > Mexican beer: Anything you need to add a lime to so it will be drinkable (and isn’t a gin and tonic) will never be drunk by me. Try Negro Modelo. Mexican beer brewed ( originally ) by Austrian immigrants, in an old [Austrian style](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vienna_lager). ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/70 "2010-07-12T19:20:39Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > What about if I sweeten the deal with a big ass tv, smoked and/or grilled meat and a hot tub? Somebody whose name I won’t mention [sub]**kopek[/sub]** said I should sweeten the deal. I’m not gonna be comfortable anywhere dudes are trying to score with or are actually scoring with other dudes. Just not my thing. I got no problem with sports, beer, and food, but everybody has to keep their pants on. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/71 "2010-07-12T19:26:30Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Middle age starts at age 42, by which time one is expected to have accumulated several towels that were not liberated from hotel captivity. Naw, middle age starts 5 years from whatever age I am right now. I mean, the average life span keeps going up… right now, I believe it’s 128. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/72 "2010-07-12T19:50:00Z")
If I may mannerly digress to your mention of the “Spoils of War” somewhere upthread. Does one just ride on up there, throw one’s choice over the saddle and bring her back? She still won’t know how to cook, or talk right. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/73 "2010-07-12T19:55:17Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > If I may mannerly digress to your mention of the “Spoils of War” somewhere upthread. > Does one just ride on up there, throw one’s choice over the saddle and bring her back? She still won’t know how to cook, or talk right. Nah. Gotta be subtle about it. Seduce em with Southern Charm, then bring her home so Southern Women can teach her how to cook. They never will learn to talk right. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/74 "2010-07-12T19:57:44Z")
Well, have fun spending the rest of your years getting your trees TPed by the neighborhood kids ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/75 "2010-07-12T20:05:45Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Nah. Gotta be subtle about it. Seduce em with Southern Charm, then bring her home so Southern Women can teach her how to cook. They never will learn to talk right. Have you ever considered writing an advice column? ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/76 "2010-07-12T20:08:53Z")
I see you’ve neglected to answer my question way back on page 1. Is that because you’re ignoring it, or did you not have your reading glasses on and missed it? ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/77 "2010-07-12T20:21:41Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Did you miss the part about me being thoroughly, unabashedly male and heterosexual? Hippie chicks tend to be…exceptionally talented when accessed horizontally. \. Wow. Got it in one. 🙂 Which do you hate more: Sunshiney smiles or cute puppies? ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/78 "2010-07-12T20:23:38Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Well, have fun spending the rest of your years getting your trees TPed by the neighborhood kids Highly unlikely. Not many kids out where I live. Kids coming from elsewhere would be in a car, which I would likely hear if it parked in any of the available space near my home. Also, kids bent on mischief are highly unlikely to pull it off quietly enough that I wouldn’t hear them, and either chase them off or apprehend them for turning over to the sheriff’s department. Our local youth court judge is quite fond of the restitution statute, so the little buggers will either have to break their piggy banks or beg their parents to pay somebody to come clean up their mess. Rural life is kinda sweet that way, for us law abiding types. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/79 "2010-07-12T20:26:11Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Have you ever considered writing an advice column? I’d rather do something more in the style of Lewis Grizzard, a Great American, or Dave Barry, an American who pales in comparison to Grizzard, but is till pretty funny. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2010, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325/80 "2010-07-12T20:27:39Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > I see you’ve neglected to answer my question way back on page 1. Is that because you’re ignoring it, or did you not have your reading glasses on and missed it? I’m ignoring it. I generally don’t talk about sex stuff here, other than admitting I like girls, and sex. TMI postings are undignified. Harrumph. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-middle-aged-curmudgeon/546325.md?page=5)