# Ask the Putz! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 28, 2000, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-putz/23820 "2000-06-28T01:51:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-putz/23820/1 "2000-06-28T01:51:00Z")
The :wallyis here to answer all of your questions. Questions will be answered on a first come first serve basis. Let the questioning begin! ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-putz/23820/2 "2000-06-28T01:58:58Z")
These days, how does one become a certified putz? ---
**Author:** ![Lexicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ac8455/32.png) [@Lexicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lexicon)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-putz/23820/3 "2000-06-28T01:59:28Z")
You secretly find Hilary Clinton attractive, don’t you? ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-putz/23820/4 "2000-06-28T02:18:18Z")
> [@](#): > > These days, how does one become a certified putz? You have to work your way up the “ladder of Putz.” Only through recieving successive putzing do you attain the role of Putz. Yeah, that’s it. And i’m the CPO, Cheif Putz Officer. I have a golden stamp that says, “You are now a certified Putz!” After recieving successive putzing, you have to fill out the “I wanna be a Putz, form 0069” and give two references. Then you just have to wait… If I judge you to be a “true Putz” I shine up “the stamp” stick it in the furnace, and brand you on your left hiney. You have then, and the CPO means ONLY then! become a certified Putz! ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-putz/23820/5 "2000-06-28T02:26:00Z")
> [@](#): > > You secretly find Hilary Clinton attractive, don’t you? My GoD! are you kidding, shes sooooooo hot! Every time I go to KFC I order 2 small breasts 2 large theighs! I put em in my mouth and go ooooh Hilary your theighs are so good!!! A Putz can dream can’t he. ---
**Author:** ![\_slythe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/da6949/32.png) [@\_slythe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_slythe)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-putz/23820/6 "2000-06-28T02:33:23Z")
Why does my name look like that moderator, but not my signature? ---
**Author:** ![neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3ab097/32.png) [@neuro-trash\_grrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neuro-trash_grrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-putz/23820/7 "2000-06-28T02:35:24Z")
Congratulations, Silo. You’ve just been out-putzed! ---
**Author:** ![BigJoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9bd4f/32.png) [@BigJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigJoe)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-putz/23820/8 "2000-06-28T02:37:04Z")
second on NTG’s post. what a pecker head. ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-putz/23820/9 "2000-06-28T02:38:56Z")
> [@](#): > > Why does my name look like that moderator, but not my signature? Question has been ignored. ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-putz/23820/10 "2000-06-28T02:46:25Z")
> [@](#): > > Congratulations, Silo. You’ve just been out-putzed! Ahem, that wasn’t a “true-putz,” but a mere “sockputz-imposteree.” Sockputzes are a form of putz which hos thou failed the “Putz certification protocol,” hence a reject. ---
**Author:** ![BigJoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9bd4f/32.png) [@BigJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigJoe)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-putz/23820/11 "2000-06-28T02:50:00Z")
Silo, So a true putz is a putz only as a function of his own misfunction. Ergo, diliberate disfunction is not Putzism but asshole - and thus both a bore and not worthy of regard? ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-putz/23820/12 "2000-06-28T02:55:42Z")
> [@](#): > > So a true putz is a putz only as a function of his own misfunction. Ergo, diliberate disfunction is not Putzism but asshole - and thus both a bore and not worthy of regard? Your statement has been unanimously agreed apon by the “The Board of Putzes” ---
**Author:** ![BigJoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9bd4f/32.png) [@BigJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigJoe)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-putz/23820/13 "2000-06-28T03:09:29Z")
This does bear thinking on. Thanks for the insight, Silo. Thought I was being facetious, but it is something to consider. ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-putz/23820/14 "2000-06-28T03:17:26Z")
> [@](#): > > This does bear thinking on. > > Thanks for the insight, Silo. Thought I was being facetious, but it is something to consider. You’re on your way to becoming a “True Putz.” Bravo! ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-putz/23820/15 "2000-06-28T03:20:41Z")
Can I be a Putz? Or am I already? ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-putz/23820/16 "2000-06-28T03:27:03Z")
> [@](#): > > Can I be a Putz? Or am I already? Sure, you can be a Putz, but to be a “True Putz” you must fill out the “I wanna be a Putz, form 0069.” Then I will make a judgement. ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-putz/23820/17 "2000-06-28T03:45:48Z")
Can I be a Putzette? Please? ---
**Author:** ![Lexicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ac8455/32.png) [@Lexicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lexicon)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-putz/23820/18 "2000-06-28T03:47:35Z")
Don’t feel bad, Silo, I know that there isn’t a man here who would pass up a chance to bang Hilary Clinton. It might take a beer, it might take a keg, but all of you would love to climb behind that huge white ass and smack it like “WHO’S THE PRESIDENT?! WHO’S THE PRESIDENT?!” You can see the appeal in that, right? ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-putz/23820/19 "2000-06-28T04:08:53Z")
> [@](#): > > Can I be a Putzette? Please? Ok, ladies get free Putzette certification. You’re the first, Falcon! Silo: It’s branding time! Falcon: Yay! Silo: \ Falcon: AHHHHHHHHHH!!! Silo: Congrads! Your the first Putzette! ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2000, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-putz/23820/20 "2000-06-28T04:15:40Z")
> [@](#): > > Don’t feel bad, Silo, I know that there isn’t a man here who would pass up a chance to bang Hilary Clinton. > > It might take a beer, it might take a keg, but all of you would love to climb behind that huge white ass and smack it like > > “WHO’S THE PRESIDENT?! WHO’S THE PRESIDENT?!” > > You can see the appeal in that, right? Oh yeah, you’d be an instant celeb. I hear Chelsea’s lookin’ pretty good these days. Heheh, \ do the first daughter! yes! do her NOW!\ Secret Service: \ [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-putz/23820.md?page=2)