# Ask the Rape Victim **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 17, 2010, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-rape-victim/554060 "2010-09-17T08:18:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![dukette71](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8edcca/32.png) [@dukette71](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dukette71)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-rape-victim/554060/101 "2010-09-21T05:12:37Z")
> [@](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > in fact, he was bragging to the Principal and Vice Principal about his conquest of me. Is that love? Not hardly. > > Does not fully relate, one does not negate the other. We are not perfect, we can love someone, yet feel pressured to cut them down in front of others. Is it true love, yes, it is of the heart, but then the mind and fear kicks in and overrides the heart. > > In a common example, a child that is considered geeky or other may have someone befriend them when they are alone, they cut them down in front of others to be acceptable in the peer group. The befriending is real, it is a form of love, yet peer pressure, the longing to be seen as a member of the group, and not be ostracized is very strong, and overrides the heart. It is very cruel to the ‘geeky’ child, and confusing as he gets what he is longing for (finally a friend), then that friend is removed for no reason he can see or understand. It is the stopping of love that is the problem, not the befriending. > > That teachers defense mechanism, the way to silence any questions, and maintain his standing in his peer group, may be to boldly state it, brag about it, to shut down opposition. > > Only you can know if the time you spent with him together was loving and caring, if he opened his heart to you at the time of the affair. If you say there was no love, no true caring, then as you say he was a deceiver and I will accept that. If there was real caring, wanting to take the pain of the past event away, then I would consider that a form of love. LOL! this sounds like me at 14yrs old. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-rape-victim/554060/102 "2010-09-21T05:31:31Z")
> [@](#): > > Jesus. If I only had this study before I started middle school. > > I used to do pretty much everything described in the quote. Yeah. This is why sometimes kids are advised to take up boxing, or martial arts. A person who knows s/he is physically fit and capable of defending him/herself will walk differently, and carry him/herself differently, than someone who thinks or knows that s/he would lose any physical fight. I’ve had more than one person comment that I look like I will be able to take care of myself in a fight. These days, I walk with a stick or cane, but apparently I give off an aura of “mess with me and you WILL get hurt”. They say I just give off a vibe of self-confidence, even though it’s obvious that I’m mobility impaired now. I think it comes from my habit of carrying a knife with me, because when I was in grade and middle school, I was frequently targeted by bullies, until I started carrying a knife with me. I admit, I was looking for an excuse to use it…and I think that attitude change also changed the way I carried myself. ---
**Author:** ![Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a88e57/32.png) [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fried_Dough_Ho)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-rape-victim/554060/103 "2010-09-21T05:47:45Z")
> [@Lakai](#): > > **FDH** , during the aftermath of your two incidents, do you remember what made you start feeling better? Were there small moments of happiness during the dark times, or was it all sadness? The darkness and sadness was definitely more prevalent in solitude. I was better, more functional and happier in groups of friends who treated me normally (i.e., not like a China doll that could shatter). Even now, I have a harder time with solitude as the mind takes me to places that can spiral into foreboding grief. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-rape-victim/554060/104 "2010-09-21T07:59:19Z")
> [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](#): > > No clue how the Third Rape could be handled much differently; demand DNA samples from all participants of the Faire? Unlikely… In Spain they’ve done similar things on occasion. I’ve never walked shuffling or anything like that, but I have a minor limp (most people don’t even notice it consciously) and I’m picked as “a person to ask for directions” even more often than I’ve been picked as “someone whose ass is up for grabs”. One of my brothers postulated that I simply look like an approachable, open person and skewed people take that as a license to inflict their skewed ways on me. Re. the hurt being greater when it’s someone you know, it was so in my case. In those instances where the people involved including women, that also made me feel worse, it was as if I was being betrayed by my own side. > [@AK84](#): > > > [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > > > Rape is not love. Abuse is not love. **People who rape or abuse are not looking for love** , they are looking for gratification, and they are not concerned about the hurt they inflict on others. Rapists and abusers might try to justify their actions, but the bottom line is that they are getting off on raping and abusing others. > > > > **Fried Dough Ho** , what would you consider adequate punishment for rapists? Personally, if someone is repeatedly targeting children, I’d like to see the death penalty. I’d also like to see the death penalty for serial rapists. > > My own experience in criminal courts suggests that unfortunately the bolded is not true. What I know about some of the people who tried to abuse me was that they had broken notions of love, you could say that they were looking for love in all the wrong ways. Specifically I’m talking about those who had themselves been abused (and at least in one case, one of the abusers had been the guy’s own mother). ---
**Author:** ![Normal\_Phase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Normal\_Phase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Normal_Phase)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-rape-victim/554060/105 "2010-09-21T12:54:10Z")
> [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](#): > > The attitude towards my assailants? Oddly, more anger against the Teacher who committed the statutory rape. For Rapist #1, I know now that was not a sexual act. For the RenFaire Rapists, alcohol was definitely a factor on their part and the shear atmosphere of debauchery which is so prevalent in that setting certainly was part of the factors involved in that situation. But the Teacher took advantage of a girl who had been violently raped less than a year before; he used his position of authority to create a sense of caring and affection which I wanted to believe. I wanted to have someone care about me and love me and when this man in authority offered that, I let him have his way with me. The fact that when the affair came to light that many of my friends sided with him was a significant hardship on how my life ended up. I don’t find this to be odd. I was raped once at age 29 by a home invader, and I’ve always had the sense that in some ways I got off easy — yes, there was an explicit threat of death, and yes, it was a viscerally traumatizing experience (I _still_ have an overdeveloped startle reflex, a decade later) – but I was assaulted only, never betrayed, not by anyone. I would, however, want to kick in the face of the bastard who raped me if I were to see him again. This is actually a step up in the anger department for me; originally the fantasy was much more thorough. Kudos to you for doing this, I think – it’s a shame that rape is so misunderstood. ---
**Author:** ![Normal\_Phase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Normal\_Phase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Normal_Phase)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-rape-victim/554060/106 "2010-09-21T13:05:53Z")
> [@MeanJoe](#): > > My girlfriend of the last 16 months has mentioned on two different occassions that she was once raped. I have yet to come to any terms about how to handle this. The idea that something like this has happened to her breaks my heart. I’m also at a loss for words as to what to say or should I say/ask anything? To be honest, a big part of me doesn’t even want to know the details for various reasons. > > Opinions? I have to respond to this despite not being the OP: Please ask her about it again and listen openly to whatever she has to say. I mentioned in my last comment that I was betrayed by no one with respect to the time I was raped; that includes friends and family also. But they, particularly my then-boyfriend, now-husband, did let me down in one significant sense – most of them were never able to listen to me talk about it all at length, and I really needed to talk. Given she’s brought it up twice, that’s probably the case for her too. Obviously I understand and can sympathize with the mindset that doesn’t want to or can’t handle hearing the details – I married my husband, right? – but that doesn’t make it less of a failing of his, that he couldn’t bear to listen. It shouldn’t have been about him, and it shouldn’t be about you. I encourage you to let her talk. ---
**Author:** ![Peeta\_Mellark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bc8723/32.png) [@Peeta\_Mellark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peeta_Mellark)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-rape-victim/554060/107 "2010-09-21T14:57:33Z")
> [@Normal\_Phase](#): > > I have to respond to this despite not being the OP: Please ask her about it again and listen openly to whatever she has to say. I mentioned in my last comment that I was betrayed by no one with respect to the time I was raped; that includes friends and family also. But they, particularly my then-boyfriend, now-husband, did let me down in one significant sense – most of them were never able to listen to me talk about it all at length, and I really needed to talk. Given she’s brought it up twice, that’s probably the case for her too. I thought this should be repeated. It’s not an easy thing to come right out and say, “Hey, I really need to talk about my rape. Will you sit here and listen?” Having somebody show they care and show they’re willing to listen would be a gift I never got, unless I count aforementioned crappy therapist. IME, usually when people hear someone has been raped they don’t really respond much and imply through their discomfort that they don’t want to hear about it. That just sort of reinforces the isolation and pain. Being able to discuss it openly is better because that helps with processing feelings and reassuring the survivor that being hurt isn’t something to be ashamed of. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-rape-victim/554060/108 "2010-09-21T16:20:19Z")
One of the problems talking about rape experiences is that listeners can feel total rage, it’s a normal reaction, but it is almost always scary for the person trying to vent their feelings. There was a thread in the pit a while back with someone (sorry, can’t remember his name) whose dear friend was raped. It was really comforting to see the number of men who responded with advice about how to channel the rage. ---
**Author:** ![villa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc79bd/32.png) [@villa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/villa)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2010, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-rape-victim/554060/109 "2010-09-21T16:38:09Z")
> [@Normal\_Phase](#): > > > [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](#): > > > > The attitude towards my assailants? Oddly, more anger against the Teacher who committed the statutory rape. For Rapist #1, I know now that was not a sexual act. For the RenFaire Rapists, alcohol was definitely a factor on their part and the shear atmosphere of debauchery which is so prevalent in that setting certainly was part of the factors involved in that situation. But the Teacher took advantage of a girl who had been violently raped less than a year before; he used his position of authority to create a sense of caring and affection which I wanted to believe. I wanted to have someone care about me and love me and when this man in authority offered that, I let him have his way with me. The fact that when the affair came to light that many of my friends sided with him was a significant hardship on how my life ended up. > > I don’t find this to be odd. I was raped once at age 29 by a home invader, and I’ve always had the sense that in some ways I got off easy — yes, there was an explicit threat of death, and yes, it was a viscerally traumatizing experience (I _still_ have an overdeveloped startle reflex, a decade later) – but I was assaulted only, never betrayed, not by anyone. > > I would, however, want to kick in the face of the bastard who raped me if I were to see him again. This is actually a step up in the anger department for me; originally the fantasy was much more thorough. > > Kudos to you for doing this, I think – it’s a shame that rape is so misunderstood. Indeed. The evidence suggests that despite common misconceptions, while the type of trauma may differ, the trauma associated with stranger rape is not greater than that associated with acquaintance rape, and, in fact, acquaintaince rape may be associated with higher levels of PTSD. While acquaintaince rape tends to be, on average, less physically violent, it also is accompanied with a greater sense of betrayal. And victims of stranger rape tend to have a more reliable support system - circles of friends are not asked to take sides, the victim is much more likely to be believed, people are less likely to believe the victim of stranger rape ‘asked for it’, the victim of acquaintance rape is more likely to be in situations where the assailant and assault itself are brought back to her mind. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-rape-victim/554060/110 "2010-09-22T07:08:08Z")
> [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](#): > > One of the problems talking about rape experiences is that listeners can feel total rage, it’s a normal reaction, but it is almost always scary for the person trying to vent their feelings. There was a thread in the pit a while back with someone (sorry, can’t remember his name) whose dear friend was raped. It was really comforting to see the number of men who responded with advice about how to channel the rage. **JoseB** ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-rape-victim/554060/111 "2010-09-22T15:17:09Z")
> [@villa](#): > > > [@Normal\_Phase](#): > > > > I don’t find this to be odd. I was raped once at age 29 by a home invader, and I’ve always had the sense that in some ways I got off easy — yes, there was an explicit threat of death, and yes, it was a viscerally traumatizing experience (I _still_ have an overdeveloped startle reflex, a decade later) – but I was assaulted only, never betrayed, not by anyone. > > > > I would, however, want to kick in the face of the bastard who raped me if I were to see him again. This is actually a step up in the anger department for me; originally the fantasy was much more thorough. > > > > Kudos to you for doing this, I think – it’s a shame that rape is so misunderstood. > > Indeed. The evidence suggests that despite common misconceptions, while the type of trauma may differ, the trauma associated with stranger rape is not greater than that associated with acquaintance rape, and, in fact, acquaintance rape may be associated with higher levels of PTSD. > > While acquaintance rape tends to be, on average, less physically violent, it also is accompanied with a greater sense of betrayal. And victims of stranger rape tend to have a more reliable support system - circles of friends are not asked to take sides, the victim is much more likely to be believed, people are less likely to believe the victim of stranger rape ‘asked for it’, the victim of acquaintance rape is more likely to be in situations where the assailant and assault itself are brought back to her mind. I agree with this wholeheartedly. The problem with acquaintance rape _is_ that acquaintances are people you see often, and thus you are reminded of the violation over and over again. How are you supposed to react to seeing this person repeatedly? You want to attack them verbally(or even physically) but doing so makes you look irrational, on the other hand acting calm and collected makes it look as if that nothing _really_ traumatizing actually happened. You have to rearrange where you go, what you do and who you do it with, while your rapist goes on as if nothing happened because that is in his best interest, publicity-wise. ---
**Author:** ![puddleglum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puddleglum/32/137_2.png) [@puddleglum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puddleglum)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-rape-victim/554060/112 "2010-09-22T18:18:51Z")
Were your parents ever physically abusive? Have you tried to find out what happened to the rapists? If you could take revenge on these people would you? Do you have issues with food? In dealing with other victims, do you see commonalities? How do you feel about the term rape survivor instead of rape victim? ---
**Author:** ![Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a88e57/32.png) [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fried_Dough_Ho)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-rape-victim/554060/113 "2010-09-23T03:47:55Z")
**Were your parents ever physically abusive?** ~ My mother was an emotionally abusive alcoholic later in my teens, but neither were ever physically abusive. **Have you tried to find out what happened to the rapists?** ~ Unfortunately, because of Facebook, a handful of my high school peers (I won’t call them friends) have tried to contact me and I could see the Teacher listed as a friend of theirs. That one has been the most disturbing because I knew his name and, yes, I can see what he has done with his life over the last 29 years. I never knew the names of the other three Rapists. **If you could take revenge on these people would you?** ~ No, for a number of a reasons. A) I believe in Karma and my attackers will suffer at some point (although the Teacher seems to be living a full life with love and success); B) I’m slightly afraid that any retribution I inflict would be the kind that could land me in jail. **Do you have issues with food?** ~ Actually, yes. My entire family does. My two older sisters are morbidly obese and it seems I have lived my entire life carrying an extra 20 or 30 pounds. The only time I was Barbie Doll thin (and with my bosom, I DO look like a Barbie Doll), was after the Northridge earthquake when I was homeless and living off a single 12" Submarine sandwich a day. **In dealing with other victims, do you see commonalities?** ~ Yes and No. In some ways, I believe I have handled what has happened to me better than many. Even after the first rape – in the hospital – I was rather matter-of-fact about what occurred. I was not hysterical and only cried and broke down when I was alone, later. **How do you feel about the term rape survivor instead of rape victim?** ~ A very interesting question… I look at _life_ differently, I think. Life is survival. Every single day, everybody “survives” but not everybody is a victim. I survived the Northridge earthquake (when several in the home next to me died). I do not feel I was a victim of the earthquake, despite the tragedy that ensued, because it was not inflicted upon ME as a person; it was a natural occurrence. In being raped, I was victimized by fellow human beings. Because I was deliberately hurt by men, there is little exaltation in the concept of survival. “Survival” is a positive thing and I don’t see my continued existence after the attacks as positive - it just IS. ---
**Author:** ![puddleglum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puddleglum/32/137_2.png) [@puddleglum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puddleglum)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-rape-victim/554060/114 "2010-09-23T14:03:20Z")
What kind of sub? Was there ever a point after the first rape where you thought of your life as worth living? Did the rape as an adult affect you differently than the one as a teenager? Do you think you have made a difference in anyone’s life as a rape counselor? ---
**Author:** ![Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a88e57/32.png) [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fried_Dough_Ho)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-rape-victim/554060/115 "2010-09-23T15:02:44Z")
**What kind of sub?** ~ That is to be determined by my Dom. 🆒 **Was there ever a point after the first rape where you thought of your life as worth living?** ~ Different vernacular; I believe Life is worth living for the adventure but simply don’t cherish that existence as others do to the extent that I don’t fear death. In the life-and-death situations in which I have been in (near fatal car accidents and the earthquake), I sort of shrug my shoulders and think, “okay, this is it.” But there is no fear of death. **Did the rape as an adult affect you differently than the one as a teenager?** ~ There was less immediate emotional hurt; just a compounding of the continual hurt I have inflicted upon myself all these years. In some ways – although this may sound harsh – it was a confirmation of the instilled “I deserve this because I am not a good person” sensibility. That is one of the pervasive emotions which exist from rape victims: We deserve(d) what happens(ed) to us because we are not worthy. **Do you think you have made a difference in anyone’s life as a rape counselor?** ~ I have been told I have and I would like to believe I have. I know of other counselors who embrace and enjoy life more than I do which is why I don’t counsel anymore. I do not want my own philosophies to seep through. ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_of_the_Lake)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-rape-victim/554060/116 "2010-09-23T15:43:34Z")
> [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](#): > > **Have you tried to find out what happened to the rapists?** ~ Unfortunately, because of Facebook, a handful of my high school peers (I won’t call them friends) have tried to contact me and I could see the Teacher listed as a friend of theirs. That one has been the most disturbing because I knew his name and, yes, I can see what he has done with his life over the last 29 years. I never knew the names of the other three Rapists. Whoa, these would be the same peers who had bad mouthed you when the situation came to light with the teacher? I find this interesting and wonder if they now, as adults, might realize looking back that hey, it was an adult in an authority position taking advantage of a minor. Granted, they have him as one of their ‘friends’, so probably not. I assume they simply ignored the fact that you were treated poorly? ---
**Author:** ![Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a88e57/32.png) [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fried_Dough_Ho)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-rape-victim/554060/117 "2010-09-23T19:11:00Z")
> [@Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](#): > > > [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](#): > > > > **Have you tried to find out what happened to the rapists?** ~ Unfortunately, because of Facebook, a handful of my high school peers (I won’t call them friends) have tried to contact me and I could see the Teacher listed as a friend of theirs. That one has been the most disturbing because I knew his name and, yes, I can see what he has done with his life over the last 29 years. I never knew the names of the other three Rapists. > > Whoa, these would be the same peers who had bad mouthed you when the situation came to light with the teacher? > > I find this interesting and wonder if they now, as adults, might realize looking back that hey, it was an adult in an authority position taking advantage of a minor. > > Granted, they have him as one of their ‘friends’, so probably not. I assume they simply ignored the fact that you were treated poorly? Yes. Quite frankly, this fact is relatively new (in the past week or so) and more hurtful than I thought it would be. There was an occasion several months ago when I bumped into another Teacher who was there at the the school at the same time. He recognized me, but I didn’t recognize him. We talked briefly about “the incident” and he had no idea how bad the peer assault was or how I ultimately had been treated. All he knew was that I somewhat disappeared and in his memory, thought I was mature enough “to handle it.” So even another adult believed in my mental maturity moreso than it really existed. This makes me believe that the rest believe as he did. ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@Lady\_of\_the\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_of_the_Lake)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-rape-victim/554060/118 "2010-09-23T19:51:52Z")
> [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](#): > > Yes. Quite frankly, this fact is relatively new (in the past week or so) and more hurtful than I thought it would be. > > There was an occasion several months ago when I bumped into another Teacher who was there at the the school at the same time. He recognized me, but I didn’t recognize him. We talked briefly about “the incident” and he had no idea how bad the peer assault was or how I ultimately had been treated. All he knew was that I somewhat disappeared and in his memory, thought I was mature enough “to handle it.” So even another adult believed in my mental maturity moreso than it really existed. This makes me believe that the rest believe as he did. I’m sorry. ☹ The situation makes me very angry on your behalf, not only at the teacher and the school but at peers who had belittled you _even now_ apparently not realizing the truth… ---
**Author:** ![puddleglum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puddleglum/32/137_2.png) [@puddleglum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puddleglum)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2010, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-rape-victim/554060/119 "2010-09-24T11:55:51Z")
Did you have the same sub every day or was it a different sub every day? Do you feel that you have given the rapists the power to determine how you feel about yourself? ---
**Author:** ![Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a88e57/32.png) [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fried_Dough_Ho)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2010, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-rape-victim/554060/120 "2010-09-26T19:16:14Z")
\*\*Did you have the same sub every day or was it a different sub every day? \*\*~ I’m sure I chose a different flavor every day. Is this germane for some reason? **Do you feel that you have given the rapists the power to determine how you feel about yourself?** ~ Not at all. How I feel about myself is simply a product of the entire road upon which I have traveled. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-rape-victim/554060.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-rape-victim/554060.md?page=7)