I’ve never been told outright that I wasn’t being hired due to my record, though there’s been a few times I’ve gotten the feeling they were just covering their ass by saying something else. Until the recession it wasn’t really a problem since I’m skilled enough at manual labor that I could be a day laborer, doing anything from framing a house to wiring one up. Most of the construction work in my area has dried up though, so that’s put a crimp on things.
Not having a diploma and my license has been a bigger hindrance. Most companies in my area want you to have both, and the temp services require a GED at minimum before they’ll try and find you work. I know for a fact that they’ll find jobs for anyone, as my uncle who is a registered child molester, been convicted of several violent crimes, and grand theft got work through them.
Back in my younger days I didn’t much care if I could find steady work, as at heart I’m a simple man. As long as I have food to eat, water to drink, and a dry place to sleep I’m happy, with everything else being a bonus. Now that I want to settle down and start a family, it’s become a lot more important.
No, though I’ve heard that too. There’s nothing sexy about fire at all, to me. I’m not entirely sure why I find fire so fascinating, but there’s definitely nothing sexual about it.
I don’t know how I missed this one. Grand theft auto, on several occasions. Back when I was 14 my best friend’s dad had a bunch of cars. He was always buying one, repairing it enough to get it running decent, and sell it for a tidy profit. I had a key to their place, and knew where he kept the keys for the cars he hadn’t sold yet. If I went over and no one was home, I’d use one to go to another friend’s house. At the time I didn’t view it as stealing, since I always returned them, but looking back on it, it’s got to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever done, on many levels.
You mentioned upthread somewhere that you were made to undergo some kind of therapy. What was that like, and did it have any short/long term effects, positive or negative?
Have you ever taken an IQ test and what was your score? (just ignore that one if it’s too personal)
When I saw the school councilor, it was interesting. She treated me like adult, not a kid. She didn’t try to dumb anything down, nor did she try to make me talk about anything I didn’t want to. We mostly played monopoly, and talked while we played. She’s the one that helped me realize I didn’t hate my father for not being there for me, that I was just pissed and hurt because he wasn’t.
Now the state shrink I had to see was a complete ass. He kept trying to get me to say I was being sexually abused at home. Everything I said he’d try to tie into that, which was completely untrue. He was of no help at all, and I consider that time wasted.
With the first school councilor the results were pretty positive, and they’ve stuck with me a long while. It got me interested in psychology, which I read up on now and again for the fun of it, so that’s a plus.
With the second shrink, all it accomplished was showing me that there are assholes in all fields of work.
The one time I took an IQ test I scored a 136. I don’t know how that falls on the scale intelligence wise. In middle school and high school I was always in the advanced and gifted classes, when they were available, for what it’s worth.
I see no difference between the two; why is showing off fire feats to your own child less influencing to a kid than being shown it by Bozo? Look up “Axe and fire” on YouTube. Fire is so fascinating that kids find it even more irresistible than we do. Chances are good your daughter will someday be sharing these fire feats with her friends. I know I would. As have friends of my daughters tried to with them. Any version of fire that my own daughters have experienced with us (dinner candles, Hannukah candles, etc.) they have tried doing on their own when we weren’t present. I have no doubt that if they saw me making a fireball, they’d be trying to make a bigger one when I wasn’t around.
Were you reformed by participating in a basketball team? I ask because the cliche in many old B&W movies was that the hero begins the process of reforming the “Bad Dudes” by getting them to shoot hoops.
OK, sorry for the joke, and I don’t have any questions for you right now. But good on you for having the guts to start this interesting thread.
I hope you are wrong about that. She has shown me really good reasons to trust her word. I know kids will rebel, though. I hope I laid down a very healthy respect for the flame, so that if she does choose to rebel in that area, she does so safely. But I do think she respects the fire enough to know not to rebel in that area. I hope.
I have never really been confident that my style of parenting is perfect or even correct, but I have given it a lot of thought. I have done a lot of work with her, and though my parenting style may be a bit untraditional, I never do anything or make any decisions without giving it much thought and practice and…just hoping I’m doing things right. I may be wrong about allowing her to play with fire with me, though.
I’ve also done dangerous* scientific experiments with her.
And allowed her to work with knives and such.
Please don’t call CPS on me.
*dangerous if done without me
You mentioned visiting juvenile offenders in an attempt to help rehabilitate them. How and when did you get involved with that program? How do the kids react to your warnings and encouragement?
First off, you have my respect for having gone down the road you did, realizing what was going on and turning your life around. That takes balls.
Second - and I don’t know whether anyone short of a criminal psychologist or someone like that would know this - but do you think there is a big difference between you and some of the hardcore criminals, in terms of what sort of actions people are capable of? I know that is not phrased well, and I dont really know a better way to put it succinctly.
The question mostly comes about from the question about what a prison system should be - punitive or reformative. I know there are going to be people who can be easily reformed (they learn their lesson quickly) and there are people who are plain ole’ whack-o and just shouldn’t be allowed to continue in society. But there is a huge grey area there. So in your case, where you are reformed - when you think of a hardcore criminal, do you think ‘hey man, I was a lot like that and I was able to turn myself around - this dude has hope’ or do you think ‘holy effing shit - all I did was steal some stuff and set a few fires - this guy is off his rocker!’
I ask because there is such a common view of ‘If they’re a criminal or have had a criminal past, they shouldn’t ever be given a second chance!’ I think that tends to be a bit unfair, but I also admit that I dont know much about the mindset of a criminal and how wide a spectrum the thought process falls.
There’s a boy’s home for wayward teens* not far from my old high school. When I was in school I helped out a lot of guys who were living there. When I decided I needed to change my life, I went there, as I was already familiar with their rules, regulations, etc.
The kids seem to like having an adult around who knows what it’s like to be one of them. They tend to listen to me more than their councilors and teachers. Some of them don’t want to believe me when I try to explain hard their actions can make their life later on, but some listen. As long as I help even one kid, it’ll be worth it.
*It’s basically a halfway house for teen boys. They get more freedoms than being in a fully juvie, but a lot less than being free.
Sorry I never responded to this post, I missed it back when you originally posted it.
Now onto your first question. I’ve thought a lot about what you’re asking, especially after I started turning my life around. As far as I’m concerned, there isn’t much difference between me and most hardened criminals. I could easily see myself beating someone with a bat, robbing someone at gun point, or a myriad other possibilities. I haven’t came to any good conclusions as to why I didn’t do those things, aside from they didn’t appeal to me at the time. I’ve since developed a conscious about doing stuff like that, and I’d be eaten up with guilt if I were to do anything like that now.
Your second question would depend on each individual criminal. I’d have to look at a person’s record, and talk to him/her about their past, but generally I’m willing to give hardened criminals a second chance, especially if they’re trying to change their ways like I did. Unless they’re like Manson. I find him endlessly fascinating, but I’m glad he never got out.
Unfortunately our system isn’t really set up to see to it that those who want a second chance can get it. It’s a shame really, as I met some wonderful people while waiting in jail for various reasons. For those people, life will always be an uphill battle, with the chains of their past always trying to drag them back down, no matter how much they change.
So, your mom was a single parent, and there was no dad in your life, for the most part, and you were never physically punished by your mom? Do you think that if your mom had “beat your ass”, as some people advise single mothers to do to their boys, you would’ve never entered the world of crime? Would that have “put the fear of god” into you? :rolleyes:
I doubt it, as I’ve never been motivated by pain. The best punishment anyone could have ever used against me is taking away my books, and even the government won’t do that.
