# Ask the Self-Proclaimed Nice Guy
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-self-proclaimed-nice-guy/643617
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [December 10, 2012, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-self-proclaimed-nice-guy/643617 "2012-12-10T16:55:08Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-self-proclaimed-nice-guy/643617/1 "2012-12-10T16:55:08Z")
who is 26 years old, never had a gf, and hasn’t been laid in about two years.
I offer myself to provide entertainment to you dopers and hopefully gain some insight.
Also, I know the term “nice guy” sends some dopers into a tiff, so please keep in mind I use the term rather loosely.
So, I don’t want to provide too much information to prevent assumptions being made.
Ask away!
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### Author:  [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-self-proclaimed-nice-guy/643617/2 "2012-12-10T16:55:51Z")
Are you basically shy?
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### Author:  [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-self-proclaimed-nice-guy/643617/3 "2012-12-10T17:07:23Z")
What makes you nice? The nicest guy I know will drop whatever he’s doing to help someone else. Helps friends and family move. Late for work in order to help someone change a flat. Treats everyone regardless of age or appearance with respect. What attitude or activities make you nice?
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### Author:  [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-self-proclaimed-nice-guy/643617/4 "2012-12-10T17:08:34Z")
Yeah, why do you call yourself a Nice Guy, with capital letters and everything? The nicest, most decent men I know would never refer to themselves that way. They’d say “Well, I’m ok, I guess, but I’ve got my flaws too!” If it was pointed out.
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### Author:  [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-self-proclaimed-nice-guy/643617/5 "2012-12-10T17:09:03Z")
Do you resent women as a group?
How about men?
Whom do you resent more?
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### Author:  [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-self-proclaimed-nice-guy/643617/6 "2012-12-10T17:09:18Z")
Is part of your ‘nice’ that you don’t _want_ to have sex outside of a relationship?
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### Author:  [@Vita\_Beata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vita_Beata)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-self-proclaimed-nice-guy/643617/7 "2012-12-10T17:14:08Z")
How often do you socialize with females? How often do you socialize with males?
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### Author:  [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-self-proclaimed-nice-guy/643617/8 "2012-12-10T17:17:19Z")
> [@TriPolar](#):
>
> Are you basically shy?
Sometimes, I can be. In my past,(3 years ago and prior) I was because I was pretty depressed. Now, not really. I’m pretty outgoing.
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### Author:  [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-self-proclaimed-nice-guy/643617/9 "2012-12-10T17:25:39Z")
Are you truly kind? Or are you the stereotypical “nice guy” who thinks that, just because he laid down and became a doormat for someone else, they now owe him their attention?
Based on your very brief description, I’d guess the latter. And my other guess is that you are really passive and really afraid of confrontation. Are you able to assert yourself at work? With family? Is it only women you allow to walk all over you? Are you looking for ways to become a truly kind person and drop the whole “nice (passive-aggressive) guy act”?
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### Author:  [@Modern\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Modern_Master)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-self-proclaimed-nice-guy/643617/10 "2012-12-10T17:26:57Z")
Stop referring to yourself as a nice guy for the following reasons:
It’s a turn off.
It won’t get you bonus points.
It makes you sound entitled to any woman merely because you’re nice.
It’s just absolutely obnoxious.
If you want a relationship or to get laid, you need to stop the nice guy routine.
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### Author:  [@lost4life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost4life)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-self-proclaimed-nice-guy/643617/11 "2012-12-10T17:57:57Z")
Can I borrow a twenty?
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### Author:  [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-self-proclaimed-nice-guy/643617/12 "2012-12-10T19:52:57Z")
Are you really [this nice?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=15767473&postcount=3)
> [@Should A Person Lower Their Standards?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/should-a-person-lower-their-standards/643154/3):
>
> No people shouldn’t lower their standards. I can tell you I got with girls just because they were easy and I wanted to get laid. I felt no emotional attachment and at the end of the day pretty much a scumbag. I would usually start thinking about what would happen if they got pregnant and I stopped talking to them pretty quickly. It only leads to hurt feelings.
>
> Hold out for what you desire. If it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen. It’s better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with another person and all the reponsibilty that comes with it.
Is the feeling like a scumbag what makes you nice, or the fact that you stopped talking to the women you used to get laid so as not to hurt their feelings?
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### Author:  [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-self-proclaimed-nice-guy/643617/13 "2012-12-10T19:58:09Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#):
>
> Are you really [this nice?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=15767473&postcount=3)
>
> Is the feeling like a scumbag what makes you nice, or the fact that you stopped talking to the women you used to get laid so as not to hurt their feelings?
Also, did it occur to you that stopping talking to those women might also cause hurt feelings?
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### Author:  [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-self-proclaimed-nice-guy/643617/14 "2012-12-10T20:09:09Z")
Troopus - As I said, I use the term nice guy “loosely.” It’s mostly just a euphimism for “having trouble securing relationships with women.” I used that term so everyone knows where I’m coming from. I would say I’m generally nice though because I have a positive attitude and don’t really insult others on a regular basis. However, I cannot say the same for my past. I have been a downright asshole in some circumstances with women.
Beware of Doug
I do not resent women, overall. I see some aspects of women that I don’t like but with limited experience it’s difficult for me to make a judgement. However, I think I’m young enough to not have reached that stage yet.
I’m not resentful of men. Most of my best friends are men. However, I can be jealous. I look at other guys who establish relationships with women and think I would be a lot better for the woman in question.
I don’t resent either as a group overall. My guy friends have been there for me and have also let me down. Women, were mostly just not there to begin with.
Sicks Ate
- I feel a bit ambiguous about this question. Honestly, I’d have sex with most girls given the chance. Maybe I’m easy-going or maybe I’m desperate, I’m not entirely sure. One thing I do know, is that the girls I have been with, I dropped because I saw no future with them. We hooked up for like a month or so, and I had no real feelings and began to worry about what might happen if I got them pregnant, so I dropped them completely. Others were just one night stands.
Vita Beata -
- For the most part, my friends are guys. Throughout my life this has been the trend. It’s only been until recently when I entered Nursing school that that has begun to change.
Dogzilla-
Yes, I do think that I am kind. I do look for ways to expand my depth of compassion and knowledge. Some of my favorite authors recently have been Kahlil Gibran, Johann von Goethe, Emerson, and Don Miguel Ruiz. I’d consider myself a bleeding heart liberal, if that means anything to you.
I haven’t always been that way, though. In my past, I have been a complete dickhead and reputation has a way of following you around within a circle of friends
With that being said, I’m really not that passive. In fact, its the opposite. I think that I am mostly too eager, too aggressive and I scare women away.
However, I do have a weakness for letting women get away with things I know that are not right. For instance, the last romantic relationship I had (3 years ago), I watched as she made out with my friend. Subsequently, I learned that she had sex with him. After all that, I still tried to make it work for another year-and-a-half until it blew up in my face.
Modern master
- I thought I made this clear in my OP, but I guess not. I’m using the term “nice guy” LOOSELY. I mostly just have a problem establishing a romantic relationship with women. Do you think I should have titled the thread, “Ask the guy who is having difficulty establishing a romantic relationship with women?” Come on, I’m trying to get your attention. Not be politicaly correct.
Lost 4 Life
- No.
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### Author:  [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-self-proclaimed-nice-guy/643617/15 "2012-12-10T20:12:37Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#):
>
> Are you really [this nice?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=15767473&postcount=3)
>
> Is the feeling like a scumbag what makes you nice, or the fact that you stopped talking to the women you used to get laid so as not to hurt their feelings?
Sicks Ate/Dogzilla
- You’re good. I don’t think either of those make me a nice guy. Really, it’s quite the opposite. However, I think you’re getting too hung up on semantics here.
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### Author:  [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-self-proclaimed-nice-guy/643617/16 "2012-12-10T20:20:33Z")
> [@Scotty Mo](#):
>
> Beware of Doug
>
> However, I can be jealous. I look at other guys who establish relationships with women and think I would be a lot better for the woman in question.
For me, this attitude is why I avoid “Nice Guys” like the plague. Those other women have eyes and brains. If you were better than the man they have, they would pick you. They didn’t. So you aren’t.
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### Author:  [@Modern\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Modern_Master)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-self-proclaimed-nice-guy/643617/17 "2012-12-10T20:23:23Z")
> [@Troppus](#):
>
> For me, this attitude is why I avoid “Nice Guys” like the plague. Those other women have eyes and brains. If you were better than the man they have, they would pick you. They didn’t. So you aren’t.
I’ve encountered those people a lot, especially when I’m at a bar with my girlfriend. It’s very annoying. I can tell you that she appreciates it a lot less than I do. The guys are usually around 24 to 28 years of age (give or take a few years).
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### Author:  [@Modern\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Modern_Master)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-self-proclaimed-nice-guy/643617/18 "2012-12-10T20:30:21Z")
> [@Scotty Mo](#):
>
> Beware of Doug
> I do not resent women, overall. I see some aspects of women that I don’t like but with limited experience it’s difficult for me to make a judgement. However, I think I’m young enough to not have reached that stage yet.
> I’m not resentful of men. Most of my best friends are men. However, I can be jealous. I look at other guys who establish relationships with women and think I would be a lot better for the woman in question.
> I don’t resent either as a group overall. My guy friends have been there for me and have also let me down. Women, were mostly just not there to begin with.
With this attitude, you’re going to ruin relationships with your friends; plus, you’ll never be able to have a healthy relationship with a woman.
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### Author:  [@lost4life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost4life)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-self-proclaimed-nice-guy/643617/19 "2012-12-10T21:04:41Z")
Quote:
Originally Posted by Troppus View Post
For me, this attitude is why I avoid “Nice Guys” like the plague. Those other women have eyes and brains. If you were better than the man they have, they would pick you. They didn’t. So you aren’t.
> [@Modern\_Master](#):
>
> I’ve encountered those people a lot, especially when I’m at a bar with my girlfriend. It’s very annoying. I can tell you that she appreciates it a lot less than I do. The guys are usually around 24 to 28 years of age (give or take a few years).
I will third this. My wife and I run into this situation quite a bit (often at a bar too!). The people in question think they’re hiding this feeling or being subtle, but they’re not even close. My wife is insulted by this, I usually feel bad for the person. You should stop.
(You should have lent me the twenty).
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### Author:  [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)
#### Post date: [December 10, 2012, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-self-proclaimed-nice-guy/643617/20 "2012-12-10T22:06:08Z")
I hate to be the one to say this but I think some of you are missing the point to this thread…
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