# Ask The Toaster!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-toaster/212446
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [November 10, 2003, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-toaster/212446 "2003-11-10T19:01:53Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)
#### Post date: [November 10, 2003, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-toaster/212446/1 "2003-11-10T19:01:53Z")
```auto
. ___________.
| |
___________. | | /~\ |
/ ____ /| | _ _ |_| |
/ /:/ /:/ / | ! ________|__!
/ /:/ /:/ / | |
/ /:/ /:/ / | ____________!
/ /:/ /:/ / |
/ /:/ /:/ / |
/ ~~~~ / |
| ~~~~~~~~~~ | |
| :: | /
| == | /
| :: | /
| :: | /
| :: @ | /
! __________!/
```
What little toaster-related questions can I answer for you?
---
### Author:  [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)
#### Post date: [November 10, 2003, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-toaster/212446/2 "2003-11-10T19:07:10Z")
I was coming to bitch about all the “Ask The” threads but the ASCII art made me laugh.
Toaster, if I poke you with a knife will you hurt me?
---
### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [November 10, 2003, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-toaster/212446/3 "2003-11-10T19:10:44Z")
What happened to my upper crust?
---
### Author:  [@Chicago\_Faucet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicago_Faucet)
#### Post date: [November 10, 2003, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-toaster/212446/4 "2003-11-10T19:16:26Z")
Why do you have only two slots? What’s the prejudice against club sandwiches? Eh?
---
### Author:  [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)
#### Post date: [November 10, 2003, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-toaster/212446/5 "2003-11-10T19:17:00Z")
> [@](#):
>
> I was coming to bitch about all the “Ask The” threads but the ASCII art made me laugh.
>
> Toaster, if I poke you with a knife will you hurt me?
> [@](#):
>
> What happened to my upper crust?
```auto
_ _____
( `^` )) ( `^` ))
| || | ||
| || | ||
hee '-----'` '-----'`
```
---
### Author:  [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)
#### Post date: [November 10, 2003, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-toaster/212446/6 "2003-11-10T19:18:13Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Why do you have only two slots? What’s the prejudice against club sandwiches? Eh?
```auto
(
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| | | \`-._ o o o o / \
`-._ _.-' \ `-._>-. __________.-<___.'|
"""----""" \| |
VK `-. ____________________.'
```
---
### Author:  [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)
#### Post date: [November 10, 2003, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-toaster/212446/7 "2003-11-10T19:18:13Z")
Bagels or English Muffins?
If the latter, store-brand of Thompson’s?
---
### Author:  [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)
#### Post date: [November 10, 2003, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-toaster/212446/8 "2003-11-10T19:24:57Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Gorgon Heap \*
> \*\*Bagels or English Muffins?
> If the latter, store-brand of Thompson’s? \*\*
```auto
) ( )
( ___ (
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.' `.
_(_____________)___
```
---
### Author:  [@Gazelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gazelle)
#### Post date: [November 10, 2003, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-toaster/212446/9 "2003-11-10T20:23:50Z")
That looks like a steaming pile of… mashed potatoes.
---
### Author:  [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)
#### Post date: [November 10, 2003, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-toaster/212446/10 "2003-11-10T20:46:41Z")
Can I have pancakes?
---
### Author:  [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)
#### Post date: [November 10, 2003, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-toaster/212446/11 "2003-11-10T20:54:01Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Horseflesh \*
> \*\*Can I have pancakes? \*\*
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```
---
### Author:  [@Duke\_of\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke_of_Rat)
#### Post date: [November 10, 2003, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-toaster/212446/12 "2003-11-10T20:58:12Z")
Do you get a lesbian if you convert a blender or a mixer??
---
### Author:  [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)
#### Post date: [November 10, 2003, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-toaster/212446/13 "2003-11-10T21:10:04Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Duke of Rat \*
> \*\*Do you get a lesbian if you convert a blender or a mixer?? \*\*
```auto
_.---._
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```
---
### Author:  [@Billdo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billdo)
#### Post date: [November 10, 2003, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-toaster/212446/14 "2003-11-10T22:25:39Z")
Dear Toaster,
As a pop-up, what do you think of toaster ovens?
---
### Author:  [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)
#### Post date: [November 10, 2003, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-toaster/212446/15 "2003-11-10T22:41:22Z")
😕 Where does the bread go?
---
### Author:  [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)
#### Post date: [November 10, 2003, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-toaster/212446/16 "2003-11-10T22:48:27Z")
How long does it take for a poptart to catch fire in a toaster?
---
### Author:  [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)
#### Post date: [November 10, 2003, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-toaster/212446/17 "2003-11-10T22:48:57Z")
Can you accommodate “extra wide” items, or are you a narrow slot toaster?
Are you brave?
Are you little?
Are you the same thing as a bread carbonizing device?
Will you ignite Pop-Tarts?
Are you toasteriffic?
---
### Author:  [@hybrid\_dogfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hybrid_dogfish)
#### Post date: [November 10, 2003, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-toaster/212446/18 "2003-11-10T22:49:32Z")
Dear Toaster,
Why can’t you actually toast the bread? If i wanted it to be slightly warm, or cremated I would put it near a light bulb or on a fire respectively.
---
### Author:  [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)
#### Post date: [November 10, 2003, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-toaster/212446/19 "2003-11-10T22:52:05Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Billdo \*
> \*\*Dear Toaster,
>
> As a pop-up, what do you think of toaster ovens? \*\*
```auto
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```
---
### Author:  [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)
#### Post date: [November 10, 2003, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-toaster/212446/20 "2003-11-10T22:52:43Z")
How are you related to this [poster](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/member.php?s=&action=getinfo&username=Chrome%20Toaster)?
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-toaster/212446.md?page=2)