# Ask the Transsexual Woman **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 29, 2013, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-transsexual-woman/677416 "2013-12-29T17:32:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 23
**Author:** ![Septima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@Septima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Septima)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2014, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-transsexual-woman/677416/441 "2014-02-03T20:21:33Z")
No need to get snippy with me. Your comment further up seemed to suggest “yeah, that thing is so right”. I misunderstood, is all. Don’t bite my head off. ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2014, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-transsexual-woman/677416/442 "2014-02-03T20:27:26Z")
> [@Septima](#): > > No need to get snippy with me. Your comment further up seemed to suggest “yeah, that thing is so right”. I misunderstood, is all. Don’t bite my head off. I apologize. I thought I was responding somewhat humorously. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Septima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@Septima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Septima)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2014, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-transsexual-woman/677416/443 "2014-02-03T20:36:04Z")
Now you made me feel all bad. ☹ I’m such a grouch today, I’m sorry. Internet hugs and chocolate for everyone! ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2014, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-transsexual-woman/677416/444 "2014-02-03T21:36:55Z")
> [@Una\_Persson](#): > > That is difficult, and it may be a situation where no matter how well you try, there’s no perfect solution. Hire a Girl Scout to try to sell the person some cookies, and lurk nearby. GS: Excuse me, sir… Co-worker: Miss. Problem solved! ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2014, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-transsexual-woman/677416/445 "2014-02-04T00:45:29Z")
> [@Septima](#): > > Now you made me feel all bad. ☹ I’m such a grouch today, I’m sorry. Internet hugs and chocolate for everyone! My fault for not using emoticons. ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2014, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-transsexual-woman/677416/446 "2014-02-04T00:46:31Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Hire a Girl Scout to try to sell the person some cookies, and lurk nearby. > > GS: Excuse me, sir… > > Co-worker: Miss. > > Problem solved! If one works in the same office, you would think they would also notice at some point which bathroom they used. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2014, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-transsexual-woman/677416/447 "2014-02-04T02:58:05Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Hire a Girl Scout to try to sell the person some cookies, and lurk nearby. > > GS: Excuse me, sir… > > Co-worker: Miss. > > Problem solved! I’ve seen a similar proposal for clearing minefields. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2014, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-transsexual-woman/677416/448 "2014-02-04T04:18:19Z")
> [@Una\_Persson](#): > > If one works in the same office, you would think they would also notice at some point which bathroom they used. It’s been a couple meetings and mostly email and online stuff. Too little opportunity to notice a bathroom break, but enough face time that most people would expect recognition of their gender. Plus I have to refer to them in writing group emails about various tactics, work sharing, et cetera. Stupid gendered pronouns. I need their brainstorming help. Genitals shouldn’t enter into this. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2014, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-transsexual-woman/677416/449 "2014-02-04T09:18:00Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Hire a Girl Scout to try to sell the person some cookies, and lurk nearby. > > GS: Excuse me, sir… > > Co-worker: Miss. > > Problem solved! Or you could get a servant to follow you with coconuts… ARTHUR: Old woman! DENNIS: Man! ARTHUR: Old Man, sorry. What knight live in that castle over there? DENNIS: I’m thirty seven. ARTHUR: What? DENNIS: I’m thirty seven – I’m not old! ARTHUR: Well, I can’t just call you `Man'. DENNIS: Well, you could say `Dennis’. ARTHUR: Well, I didn’t know you were called `Dennis.' DENNIS: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you? ARTHUR: I did say sorry about the `old woman,’ but from the behind you looked– DENNIS: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior! ARTHUR: Well, I AM king… ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2014, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-transsexual-woman/677416/450 "2014-02-04T14:30:31Z")
Just remember the line “I’m sorry, I have a cold.” ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2014, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-transsexual-woman/677416/451 "2014-02-04T15:39:39Z")
> [@Napier](#): > > Genitals shouldn’t enter into this. That’s what _she_ said! ---
**Author:** ![Sehmket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Sehmket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sehmket)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2014, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-transsexual-woman/677416/452 "2014-02-04T20:08:08Z")
Hi, Una! I don’t have any questions or insightful thoughts, but I wanted to say thank you for fighting ignorance and being awesome. I also want to thank you for your shoe recommendations - I struggle with buying dress shoes, and I’m trilled to get a recommend for something that might work out. Not sure what it says about me if that’s one the most notable things I’m getting out of this thread… ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2014, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-transsexual-woman/677416/453 "2014-02-04T20:45:21Z")
> [@Sehmket](#): > > Hi, Una! I don’t have any questions or insightful thoughts, but I wanted to say thank you for fighting ignorance and being awesome. > > I also want to thank you for your shoe recommendations - I struggle with buying dress shoes, and I’m trilled to get a recommend for something that might work out. Not sure what it says about me if that’s one the most notable things I’m getting out of this thread… You’re welcome! I have a big list of comfortable shoes I use for work. [The Bandolino Courteous is a basic 3-inch pump which can work in a variety of situations.](http://www.zappos.com/bandolino-courteous) It has a slightly wider toe than it looks, it has a thin sole so it breaks in very quickly, and when new it turns heads. The downside is, they scuff and scratch very easily. Well, they are only $49… [As I posted before, these are my “battle heels.” I can walk for miles in these, dance in them, etc.](http://www.amazon.com/Naturalizer-Womens-Jameson-Mary-Jane/dp/B007JEFZA0) [These have a nice styling to them which gets comments, and fit like they’re broken in already.](http://www.dsw.com/shoe/naturalizer+brigid+pump?prodId=286632&_-_-all-_-Naturalizer-_-286632&mr:trackingCode=D50CA050-6210-E311-86F0-001B2163195C&mr:referralID=NA&cm_mmc=affil-_-ShopStyle.com-_-1909792-_-2178999-_-DSW+Product+Catalog-_-11398186) Good lines in general are Naturalizer, Sofft, and Born. So many shoes! :eek:🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2014, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-transsexual-woman/677416/454 "2014-02-04T20:49:13Z")
I’ve heard these are nice, but haven’t found any yet to try on: [http://www.sofftshoe.com/Sofft-Farra-in-Blush-Black-color](http://www.sofftshoe.com/Sofft-Farra-in-Blush-Black-color) But since when is 3.25 inches a “kitten heel?” I just bought these, and they felt like they were pre-broken in. I wore them to work yesterday with a knee-length wool houndstooth black/grey skirt, black tights, black sweater with scoop-neck, and jet earrings, necklace, and bracelet. I looked like a “professorial goth girl.” [http://www.amazon.com/Xelement-LU8003-Fashion-Harness-Motorcycle/dp/B0081Y7618](http://www.amazon.com/Xelement-LU8003-Fashion-Harness-Motorcycle/dp/B0081Y7618) ---
**Author:** ![Harmicky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Harmicky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmicky)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2014, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-transsexual-woman/677416/455 "2014-02-05T04:38:29Z")
> [@Una\_Persson](#): > > Here is a top-10 roundup from my local Transland, going through my last week of chat and message logs: > > 1. J, who is 99% out, chose to leave her church, where she has been a highly active member for 20+ years, playing music every weekend and volunteering out with numerous activities and events. Her minister said she is welcome to stay and he supports her, but her fellow churchgoers have created a hostile worshiping environment. It’s so bad that friends she’s had for 20 years refuse to sit by her, so she sat in a little “island” by herself in the pews. So she finally, in tears, decided to leave. Una, I’m new to the boards, but have read through most of this thread. As a pretty conservative Christian myself, it pains me to see fellow Christians behave in this manner. It is certainly not demonstrating the love and demonstration that my religion teaches. These are my feelings on the matter, which are very opinion and faith based. If you don’t want to read my religious opinion, don’t click! I believe God created you as He intended. I mean the REAL you, not your physical form. It is heartbreaking to hear the trials you have lived through, and am so happy to read that you are now living uninhibited as your true self. I wish you and your wife all the happiness you deserve! ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2014, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-transsexual-woman/677416/456 "2014-02-05T05:47:06Z")
> [@Harmicky](#): > > Una, I’m new to the boards, but have read through most of this thread. As a pretty conservative Christian myself, it pains me to see fellow Christians behave in this manner. It is certainly not demonstrating the love and demonstration that my religion teaches. Coincidentally, I was at a party last Saturday with a group I call “the church ladies,” as they are all very religious and hang out together (although why they were watching “The Big Liebowski” when I arrived, I will never know…) One member is the aforementioned friend J. At the party two other women mentioned they no longer felt they could go to their church - one has actually been told by her pastor that “she is possessed by a demon” and that the entire church will pray for this “female demon” to be cast out of her. Another thought her church was accepting, until the children of some of the parents started calling her names and transphobic slurs - in church - in front of their parents and the minister - and no one said one word to stop them. One of the kids walked up to her and said “Jesus wants to know why you dress like a girl,” which I find a very odd thing for a child to say. They both vowed that night to attend a Unity service together to change churches. Thank you for your thoughts in the spoiler! ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2014, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-transsexual-woman/677416/457 "2014-02-05T11:37:37Z")
> [@Una\_Persson](#): > > I’ve heard these are nice, but haven’t found any yet to try on: [http://www.sofftshoe.com/Sofft-Farra-in-Blush-Black-color](http://www.sofftshoe.com/Sofft-Farra-in-Blush-Black-color) But since when is 3.25 inches a “kitten heel?” Since the Fashion Powers That Be declared 2010-2019 to be the Decade of the Sky High Heel. Seriously, at work every day I have people coming in wanting their [del]stilts[/del] high heels cut down, asking if we know where they can buy lower heels, and desperately asking if we can fix their low heels _one more time_. I am so glad I don’t have to wear heeled shoes to work anymore because, due to an old knee injury, anything over an inch to an inch and a half becomes extremely painful and destabilizing after about an hour or so at most. Not foot pain, knee pain. I start stumbling a lot. In flats I’m fine forever but there is _no way_ I can wear “fashionable” heels for any length of time. ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2014, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-transsexual-woman/677416/458 "2014-02-05T20:52:54Z")
My dividing line between heels is: 0-1 inch - flats 1.1-2 inch - low or “kitten” heels 2.1-3 inch - mid heels 3.1-4 inch - high heels 4.1-X inch - silly My absolute highest heels are 4-inch, and I only have 2 shoes and one pair of boots that high. Most of my shoes are 2.5-3 inch. ---
**Author:** ![computergeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e56c9b/32.png) [@computergeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/computergeek)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2014, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-transsexual-woman/677416/459 "2014-02-06T03:38:25Z")
Una, in terms of responses to trans people, I’m curious if a response of something like “Hmmmmm, ok” to being told the person is trans would be a right response? In other words, is attempted nonchalance or a neutral response (but definitely not veering towards the negative) perfectly ok or do most trans people need something more positive? ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2014, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-transsexual-woman/677416/460 "2014-02-06T04:11:34Z")
> [@computergeek](#): > > Una, in terms of responses to trans people, I’m curious if a response of something like “Hmmmmm, ok” to being told the person is trans would be a right response? In other words, is attempted nonchalance or a neutral response (but definitely not veering towards the negative) perfectly ok or do most trans people need something more positive? This is very difficult, because text is not conveying your tone. To my reading of what you wrote, “Hmmmmm, ok” brings to mind a disapproving tone, like that of a humourless schoolteacher or someone at a bar about to curl their lip and throw their drink in your face. 😉 I think the best overall response is “Oh, cool.” I mean, the best response is “no WAY! OMG no way, you look awesome! Wow…um, are you seeing anyone?”, but that’s just a wee bit fake. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-transsexual-woman/677416.md?page=22) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-transsexual-woman/677416.md?page=24)