# Ask the uber Hetro-Male **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 27, 2007, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-uber-hetro-male/389678 "2007-01-27T03:20:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2007, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-uber-hetro-male/389678/1 "2007-01-27T03:20:53Z")
Inspired by this [thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=405442) I have been empowered to answer all questions regarding Hetro-Males especially the Ultra Male. So go ahead and ask. Chicks are invited. Sgt Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2007, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-uber-hetro-male/389678/2 "2007-01-27T03:33:04Z")
Do you like cheese? ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2007, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-uber-hetro-male/389678/3 "2007-01-27T03:40:36Z")
[QUOTE=Miller] Do you like cheese? [/QUOTE] Only in individual wrapped slices over dead animal flesh. Sgt Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2007, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-uber-hetro-male/389678/4 "2007-01-27T03:42:12Z")
What kind of woman attracts the Ultra Male? Do you prefer a passive, acquiescing female, or an Ultra Female that matches your own confidence and assertiveness? I am assuming that the phrase Ultra Male can be replaced with the more familiar Alpha Male- is that correct? ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2007, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-uber-hetro-male/389678/5 "2007-01-27T03:47:21Z")
[QUOTE=Alice The Goon] What kind of woman attracts the Ultra Male? Do you prefer a passive, acquiescing female, or an Ultra Female that matches your own confidence and assertiveness? I am assuming that the phrase Ultra Male can be replaced with the more familiar Alpha Male- is that correct? [/QUOTE] I don’t understand Alpha Male. That is what I am with dogs. The Ultra H-M does not frequent dogs. All females will be passive when around an Utra H-M. She may be confident prior to meeting one, but she will sumbit to my male-ness within seconds. She will also bring me beer…NOW!!! Sgt Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![mr.jp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@mr.jp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr.jp)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2007, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-uber-hetro-male/389678/6 "2007-01-27T10:01:15Z")
Which country is the most gay, and which is the least gay? ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2007, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-uber-hetro-male/389678/7 "2007-01-27T10:07:00Z")
Are you really just masking/denying your own feelings of homosexuality, responding to your fear of their revelation by acting in an exaggeratedly ‘masculine’ way in an attempt to prove to others, as well as yourself, that you really are the ultra-heterosexual male you claim to be? ---
**Author:** ![Silence\_of\_the\_clams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Silence\_of\_the\_clams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silence_of_the_clams)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2007, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-uber-hetro-male/389678/8 "2007-01-27T11:07:28Z")
Whats your opinion on kittens; would you pose for a camera with a kitten in your arms? ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2007, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-uber-hetro-male/389678/9 "2007-01-27T11:40:44Z")
Do you spit, swear, and scratch with no thought to who might be present? What is the standard length of time between undwerwear changes? Would you rather swill beer and watch football with other males than have sex with your woman? What is the minimum number of rachet wrenches a Uber Het Male should have in his toolbox? ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2007, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-uber-hetro-male/389678/10 "2007-01-27T13:40:22Z")
Top or bottom? Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2007, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-uber-hetro-male/389678/11 "2007-01-27T21:07:11Z")
[QUOTE=mr. jp] Which country is the most gay, and which is the least gay? [/QUOTE] Least gay: Good old US of Freakin’ A. Any country that could produce the Duke can’t be gay. Most gay: I have no idea, nor any plans to find out OP by Rigamarole > [@](#): > > Are you really just masking/denying your own feelings of homosexuality, responding to your fear of their revelation by acting in an exaggeratedly ‘masculine’ way in an attempt to prove to others, as well as yourself, that you really are the ultra-heterosexual male you claim to be? I’ll get back to that one after I finsh watching porn and cleaning my guns. OP by: Kotick > [@](#): > > Whats your opinion on kittens; would you pose for a camera with a kitten in your arms? I actually like kittens, the hunt is a challenge because the damn things sneak around on you. Yes I do pose with everything I get a clean kill on. OP by Kalhoun: Do you spit, swear, and scratch with no thought to who might be present? What is the standard length of time between undwerwear changes? Would you rather swill beer and watch football with other males than have sex with your woman? What is the minimum number of rachet wrenches a Uber Het Male should have in his toolbox? Yes, yes, and yes I have made a pair last a month once, but I usually only wear them until the brown streak shows through. You never heard of commercial breaks during football games? Just one, [this one](http://toolmonger.com/2006/05/19/crescents-r2-rapidrench-adjustable-ratcheting-socket-wrench/) OP by Shodan: > [@](#): > > Top or bottom? Top shelf liquor and the bottom of the fifth. Sgt Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2007, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-uber-hetro-male/389678/12 "2007-01-27T21:11:56Z")
Do these pants make my butt look big? ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2007, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-uber-hetro-male/389678/13 "2007-01-27T21:17:30Z")
[QUOTE=gigi] Do these pants make my butt look big? [/QUOTE] Did you say something? (grunts something unintelligible and returns to reading newspaper.) Sgt Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2007, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-uber-hetro-male/389678/14 "2007-01-27T21:28:51Z")
That’s not a wrench. [THIS](http://www.canadiantire.ca/browse/product_detail.jsp?FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=1408474396672989&bmUID=1169933174900&PRODUCT%3C%3Eprd_id=845524443289963&assortment=primary&fromSearch=true) is a wrench. Übermensch indeed. ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2007, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-uber-hetro-male/389678/15 "2007-01-27T21:34:44Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield] That’s not a wrench. [THIS](http://www.canadiantire.ca/browse/product_detail.jsp?FOLDER%3C%3Efolder_id=1408474396672989&bmUID=1169933174900&PRODUCT%3C%3Eprd_id=845524443289963&assortment=primary&fromSearch=true) is a wrench. Übermensch indeed. [/QUOTE] Damn Canadian websites don’t work in the US. Sgt Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2007, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-uber-hetro-male/389678/16 "2007-01-27T21:50:53Z")
Moisturizer - yea or nay? ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2007, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-uber-hetro-male/389678/17 "2007-01-27T22:04:18Z")
[QUOTE=Struan] Moisturizer - yea or nay? [/QUOTE] Maybe you missed the _title_ of this thread. I ain’t no damn makeup wearing UHM. The only kind of guys who should be allowed to wear makeup are drag queens and members of KISS. Sgt Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2007, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-uber-hetro-male/389678/18 "2007-01-27T22:22:40Z")
[QUOTE=Sgt Schwartz] I’ll get back to that one after I finsh watching porn and cleaning my guns. [/QUOTE] But what kind of porn? Indeed, **Sgt Schwartz** , what kind of porn… ---
**Author:** ![Sonia\_Montdore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@Sonia\_Montdore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sonia_Montdore)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2007, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-uber-hetro-male/389678/19 "2007-01-27T22:25:29Z")
Do you wear deodorant? ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2007, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-uber-hetro-male/389678/20 "2007-01-27T22:32:01Z")
[QUOTE=Sgt Schwartz] Maybe you missed the _title_ of this thread. [/QUOTE] I read it. Spelling - yea or nay? 😉 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-uber-hetro-male/389678.md?page=2)