# Ask the white chick who has only ever dated black dudes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 5, 2009, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-chick-who-has-only-ever-dated-black-dudes/498852 "2009-06-05T17:56:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-chick-who-has-only-ever-dated-black-dudes/498852/1 "2009-06-05T17:56:58Z")
Ask me anything 🆒 People usually do without being invited to, anyway… ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-chick-who-has-only-ever-dated-black-dudes/498852/2 "2009-06-05T17:59:06Z")
How many black dudes have you dated? ---
**Author:** ![Interconnected\_Series\_of\_Tubes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/13edae/32.png) [@Interconnected\_Series\_of\_Tubes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Interconnected_Series_of_Tubes)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-chick-who-has-only-ever-dated-black-dudes/498852/3 "2009-06-05T17:59:39Z")
I’ve known quite a few people like this personally. You’re going to get grilled for that OP, by the way. Suppose I’ll start out: Why black guys exclusively? Do you make a conscious decision or does it just happen to work out that way? (I’m skeptical of the latter.) Are you oversensitive to perceived racism towards aforementioned black dudes? Around some of the girls I know, criticizing a rap song will get you reamed. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-chick-who-has-only-ever-dated-black-dudes/498852/4 "2009-06-05T18:00:28Z")
Would you date brown, yellow or pink dudes if they asked you out, or do you automatically exclude them? ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-chick-who-has-only-ever-dated-black-dudes/498852/5 "2009-06-05T18:06:47Z")
> [@tr0psn4j](#): > > How many black dudes have you dated? I have no idea on the number. 11ish years worth. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-chick-who-has-only-ever-dated-black-dudes/498852/6 "2009-06-05T18:16:29Z")
> [@Interconnected\_Series\_of\_Tubes](#): > > I’ve known quite a few people like this personally. You’re going to get grilled for that OP, by the way. > > Suppose I’ll start out: > > Why black guys exclusively? Do you make a conscious decision or does it just happen to work out that way? (I’m skeptical of the latter.) > > Are you oversensitive to perceived racism towards aforementioned black dudes? Around some of the girls I know, criticizing a rap song will get you reamed. I did pretend that it was just a matter of coincidence when I was like 16-18, but no, it’s not. It’s not a conscious decision either though, except to the extent that it’s a conscious decision to only date people I’m attracted to. I don’t think I’m oversensitive to perceived racism, although some would disagree, I’m sure. I’m more oversensitive to sexism than racism I would say (but I don’t really consider it OVERsensitive; I think it’s appropriate). But really I can go either way on racism. It’s a complex issue, not simple at all when you’re talking about it being on both a personal level and a social issue. On a social level I guess I’m really pretty sensitive to racism (again, no more than sexism though…I only listen to rap but if you can’t criticize the genre then there’s something wrong with you). On a personal level, I have views that some would probably consider racist, but I think they’re similar to any feminist’s views on men except that they’re mostly directed at black men, since that’s who I have experience with. My sister (married to a white man) and I sometimes talk about whether something is a black man thing or a white man thing or a man thing. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-chick-who-has-only-ever-dated-black-dudes/498852/7 "2009-06-05T18:20:45Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > My sister (married to a white man) and I sometimes talk about whether something is a black man thing or a white man thing or a man thing. So… what have you determined to be “black man things”? ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Fun\_Ball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_fun_ball/32/17664_2.png) [@Happy\_Fun\_Ball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Fun_Ball)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-chick-who-has-only-ever-dated-black-dudes/498852/8 "2009-06-05T18:22:18Z")
No questions really for the OP, I wanted to just share a tidbit about my family. My aunt was this way. She exclusively dated black guys for 15 years or so until my grandfather died (her father). Since then she has exclusively dated white guys (~10 years now). This has nothing to do with the OP. I don’t really even have any comments about my aunt, the OP just made me think of this tidbit and I felt like sharing. I have always been slightly curious about what she was thinking and whether it was all just a coincidence. Personally, I have always dated women. Mostly white ones, but there have been a couple of black ones, an Asian one, and 3 Hispanic women. Personally, I don’t think too much about the race of who I am dating, not even in the top 10 attributes that attract/discourage me. Obviously, YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-chick-who-has-only-ever-dated-black-dudes/498852/9 "2009-06-05T18:22:41Z")
> [@Giles](#): > > Would you date brown, yellow or pink dudes if they asked you out, or do you automatically exclude them? I would date a man who wasn’t black if I was attracted to him and wanted to. I do mostly exclude them from consideration I guess, just because it’s rare that I would feel that way. Kind of like how I’m straight, so when I see a woman, I don’t consider whether I’d be interested in dating her. I do kind of look at Asian men though. I would definitely date one, but long term I think I would really miss dating black men. ---
**Author:** ![tr0psn4j](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@tr0psn4j](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tr0psn4j)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-chick-who-has-only-ever-dated-black-dudes/498852/10 "2009-06-05T18:25:13Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > I have no idea on the number. 11ish years worth. That answer will suffice. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-chick-who-has-only-ever-dated-black-dudes/498852/11 "2009-06-05T18:25:55Z")
Do you find it to be a certain class of black men that you continue to date? Into rap music, blue collar, very urban Or have you dated more professional black men? Maybe into R&B or jazz, white collar, college degree. ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-chick-who-has-only-ever-dated-black-dudes/498852/12 "2009-06-05T18:27:31Z")
Do white friends and family shun you as a direct result? Has this tried any friendships? ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-chick-who-has-only-ever-dated-black-dudes/498852/13 "2009-06-05T18:30:59Z")
Do you only date black men because they’re the only people who you’re sexually attracted to, or is there another reason? ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-chick-who-has-only-ever-dated-black-dudes/498852/14 "2009-06-05T18:35:26Z")
What would you think of someone who said they were a white woman who only dated white men? What would you think of a black woman who only dated white men? What would you think of a black man who only dated black women? What would you think of a black man who would date you except for the fact that you’re a white woman? ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-chick-who-has-only-ever-dated-black-dudes/498852/15 "2009-06-05T18:35:32Z")
Do you think this is more aesthetic or cultural? Let’s say you’ve got two guys interested in you. One is a white guy, but he was raised in a black family. The other is a black guy who is basically 100% assimilated to mainstream culture. All other things being equal, and assuming both are nice guys, which would you pick? Or either or neither? ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-chick-who-has-only-ever-dated-black-dudes/498852/16 "2009-06-05T18:35:32Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > So… what have you determined to be “black man things”? Well, of course I can’t think of most of them now…but I’ll try. Homophobia seems to be more prevalent among black men.\* Black men are closer to their mothers.\* Black men have this idea about a perfect relationship being one that started out bad and dysfunctional and then with the help of the woman’s unwavering support, it all works out wonderfully in the end\* (see the movie “Baby Boy”, for just one example, but there are MANY songs like that too). I have a HUGE problem with this one, as the message is that you can get someone to change their ways by tolerating their current behavior, which is absurd. \*In general ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-chick-who-has-only-ever-dated-black-dudes/498852/17 "2009-06-05T18:41:58Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > Do you find it to be a certain class of black men that you continue to date? > Into rap music, blue collar, very urban > Or have you dated more professional black men? Maybe into R&B or jazz, white collar, college degree. I’ve dated both types. In theory I prefer the second type and in reality I do in some ways, but the first type is my dysfunctional default, it seems like. I don’t know, I have relationship issues that are are separate from race. My ideal “type” seems to be self-contradictory. I’m too smart and too indignant to put up with bullshit, but it’s what is comfortable to me. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-chick-who-has-only-ever-dated-black-dudes/498852/18 "2009-06-05T18:48:14Z")
> [@Krokodil](#): > > Do white friends and family shun you as a direct result? Has this tried any friendships? It has caused a lot of conflict in my family. As a teenager I was expressly forbidden from dating black guys. Then I got pregnant by one and my family had to mostly get over it because they’re not monsters who would shun a baby. They all love my daughter (now 9) and wouldn’t treat her differently than a white kid. They’ve come a long way, but of course it’s still not perfect. With white friends, it’s never been a problem. Well, some white guys seem to be less than totally approving of it, but I think that’s mostly just if they are interested in me. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-chick-who-has-only-ever-dated-black-dudes/498852/19 "2009-06-05T18:50:47Z")
> [@Larry\_Borgia](#): > > Do you only date black men because they’re the only people who you’re sexually attracted to, or is there another reason? Sexual attraction, I guess. If it was a rational choice, I wouldn’t choose it (not that I’d choose not to EVER date black men, just not exclusively). ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2009, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-chick-who-has-only-ever-dated-black-dudes/498852/20 "2009-06-05T18:54:36Z")
> [@bup](#): > > What would you think of someone who said they were a white woman who only dated white men? > What would you think of a black woman who only dated white men? > What would you think of a black man who only dated black women? > What would you think of a black man who would date you except for the fact that you’re a white woman? I don’t/wouldn’t have a problem with any of it. Well, unless their reasons were objectionable (e.g. “I only date \_\_\_ because \_\_\_ are inferior”). [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-chick-who-has-only-ever-dated-black-dudes/498852.md?page=2)