# ask the White guy who is married to the Black Woman **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 21, 2010, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-guy-who-is-married-to-the-black-woman/529844 "2010-02-21T03:45:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2010, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-guy-who-is-married-to-the-black-woman/529844/41 "2010-02-22T19:37:48Z")
It could be anything - like how black hair is different, what CPT is/means, how the local barber shop is part 7-11, etc. Please don’t be offended by my use of the phrase “black culture” - it’s not my term, just the one the keeps getting used on me lately by people who assume I have lived around white folks all my life. ---
**Author:** ![Todderbob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47774/32.png) [@Todderbob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Todderbob)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2010, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-guy-who-is-married-to-the-black-woman/529844/42 "2010-02-22T19:41:47Z")
I’m not offended, I’m _confused_. ---
**Author:** ![Jeff\_Lichtman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeff_lichtman/32/1531_2.png) [@Jeff\_Lichtman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff_Lichtman)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2010, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-guy-who-is-married-to-the-black-woman/529844/43 "2010-02-22T19:47:13Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > Also, does it bother you when people ask you how “black” your wife is? I think the best answer to this question is “seventeen.” That should give the questioner an idea of how absurd the concept is. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2010, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-guy-who-is-married-to-the-black-woman/529844/44 "2010-02-22T19:52:12Z")
> [@Todderbob](#): > > I’m not offended, I’m _confused_. Trust me, me too. It’s one person at work in particular who feels she needs to school me - because I couldn’t possibly know anything about where she’s coming from as a black woman. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2010, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-guy-who-is-married-to-the-black-woman/529844/45 "2010-02-22T20:06:21Z")
Why are you making an issue of skin color instead of ignoring it? ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2010, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-guy-who-is-married-to-the-black-woman/529844/46 "2010-02-22T20:16:34Z")
Do you find those most tolerant and accepting of you are mostly middle class folk and those who are the most ignorant and racist to be among the class extremes, lower class trash people of both races and upper class snooty people of both races? I ask because I live in a very mixed middle class neighborhood (our street alone is white, black, hmong, and hispanic) where the kids all play together just fine. One family is a mixed couple (black husband white wife) who have 3 sons ranging from 5 to 12. I talk to them during the summer a lot and ask them how school is going. If they do have problems with other kids at school it seems to come from black little ganster types who hassle them or white snobby kids from the wealthier side of town. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2010, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-guy-who-is-married-to-the-black-woman/529844/47 "2010-02-22T20:20:35Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > Trust me, me too. It’s one person at work in particular who feels she needs to school me - because I couldn’t possibly know anything about where she’s coming from as a black woman. What is your background re: ‘black culture,’ **melody**? ---
**Author:** ![jk1245](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/49beb7/32.png) [@jk1245](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jk1245)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2010, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-guy-who-is-married-to-the-black-woman/529844/48 "2010-02-22T20:39:58Z")
What do you think causes the most cultural clash between you and your wife’s families (and even you and your wife); race or the urban north/ rural southern thing? Do you think your mom would’ve minded so much if you’d married a black woman from New York? ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2010, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-guy-who-is-married-to-the-black-woman/529844/49 "2010-02-22T20:51:42Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > What is your background re: ‘black culture,’ **melody**? I’ve just always been in among a pretty diverse group of friends and family. As I like to say, “my family were lovers not fighters.” So it’s not uncommon for social situations to involve several different languages to be spoken simulataneously. Growing up, my neighborhood consisted of Hispanics, Italians, Jews, Blacks, Germans, Brits, Dutch, Irish, French, Indians (both western and eastern), Polynesians, Chinese, Armenians, Canadians, etc. Many were 1st generation. And that’s just one street. I grew up taking part of Kwanzaa celebrations, Purim Feasts, quinceaneras, etc. Apart from that - I actually worked for an R&B and Hip-hop radio station for several years where I was the ‘token white chick’ - and since part of my job was about writing content, you got schooled pretty quickly on how things are and what is and is not okay to write or say when it comes to issues and activities. I realize that most people who look at me would assume I’m just ‘polly whitebread’ and couldn’t possibly have an inkling. It’s not that I think I’m an authority - I don’t. But I was just wondering if tony ever felt that way - that people were ‘explaining’ things to him not realizing he knew more than they assumed he did. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2010, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-guy-who-is-married-to-the-black-woman/529844/50 "2010-02-22T22:28:07Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > Also, does it bother you when people ask you how “black” your wife is? Someone asked this question earlier in this thread, and I found the phrasing weird (as I always do). There are multiple ways to interpret the question as written, but the meaning that poster intended seemed to refer to physical appearance. Does it bother you that people are curious about those details, or do you shrug when people ask you to describe how black your wife is? That was me, and the question was related to the question preceding it: > [@Lumpy](#): > > Was her being black a plus, a minus or neutral to your attraction to her? > > How black is she- fairly light-skinned, average, or dark? IOW, I was curious as to how physical appearance with regards to white vs. black affected his relationship with her. I didn’t know if, for hypothetical example, he might have been attracted to a fairly light-skinned woman but wouldn’t have liked one with a strongly African appearance, or vice-versa. There are people who however much they love their partners are frank about physical features making or breaking the deal. In his case it was “It is neutral. I tell people I didn’t marry a black woman, I married the woman I love, she just happens to be black.” ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2010, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-guy-who-is-married-to-the-black-woman/529844/51 "2010-02-22T23:55:38Z")
[Say what?](http://www.regretsy.com/2009/11/07/say-what/) ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2010, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-guy-who-is-married-to-the-black-woman/529844/52 "2010-02-23T00:50:23Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > IOW, I was curious as to how physical appearance with regards to white vs. black affected his relationship with her. The phrasing of your question was weird to me because it makes much more sense to ask how _dark_ she is, if you were curious about her skin color. That’s what I assumed was what your question about, but now I think I was wrong. “How black is she?” sounds like you’re trying to 1) quantify her African blood and/or 2) gauge how stereotypically black she appears. Just curious: If the thread was about a white guy and his Asian girlfriend, would you think to ask “How Asian is she?” I’m assuming the OP is attracted to his wife regardless of how dark or light her skin is. She could very well have light skin, but that doesn’t preclude him finding dark skin attractive. Vice versa applies, too. I asked the OP whether or not he’s bothered by questions like yours because I think it would bother me, if I were him. Do you see why it might read in an obnoxious way? ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2010, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-guy-who-is-married-to-the-black-woman/529844/53 "2010-02-23T02:31:11Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > How often do you get asked questions like **salinqmind’s**. “Does your wife do \ and if so, what’s up with that?” I’ve only ever _dated_ black women but I’ve always been sort of amused by absurdity of questions people ask them. My favorite ever is “does the black community really enjoy Tyler Perry movies?” I’ve never lived in a predominantly black community but I’ve lived in majority Hispanic areas and nobody ever asked me stupid questions about being white. Someday I want somebody to say, “Is it true you all like watching Mad Men and studying abroad in Spain?” ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2010, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-guy-who-is-married-to-the-black-woman/529844/54 "2010-02-23T02:50:45Z")
So does your wife like Tyler Perry movies? Cuz I just don’t get it . . . Just kidding. Rock on with your bad black lady marrying self. Please tell your relatives that RR said to fucko off. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2010, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-guy-who-is-married-to-the-black-woman/529844/55 "2010-02-23T03:18:12Z")
Does your family’s feelings about your wife extend to your son? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2010, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-guy-who-is-married-to-the-black-woman/529844/56 "2010-02-23T03:35:41Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > I’ve never lived in a predominantly black community but I’ve lived in majority Hispanic areas and nobody ever asked me stupid questions about being white. Someday I want somebody to say, “Is it true you all like watching Mad Men and studying abroad in Spain?” [Yes](http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2009/03/11/123-mad-men/) and [yes.](http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/02/22/72-study-abroad/) 😃 > [@](#): > > Television is one of the keys to a white person’s heart. A proper reference to Arrested Development or the lending of a Wire Season on DVD are considered two of the easiest and most cost effective ways of getting a white person to like you. But with both of those shows off the air, their utility is being quickly depleted. Thankfully, there is Mad Men. > [@](#): > > By attending school in another country, white people are technically living in another country. This is important as it gives them the opportunity to insert that fact into any sentence they please. “When I used to live in [insert country], I would always ride the train to school. The people I’d see were inspiring.” ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2010, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-guy-who-is-married-to-the-black-woman/529844/57 "2010-02-23T03:42:12Z")
> [@](#): > > By attending school in another country, white people are technically living in another country. This is important as it gives them the opportunity to insert that fact into any sentence they please. “When I used to live in [insert country], I would always ride the train to school. The people I’d see were inspiring.” I like to think this is what differentiates me from Other White People. My stories of living abroad are more like “when I lived in X country, I wanted to smack people upside the head.” /hijack ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2010, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-guy-who-is-married-to-the-black-woman/529844/58 "2010-02-23T03:53:38Z")
Do her her black friends and acquaintances vocally express disapproval about the relationship? ---
**Author:** ![Chicagojeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b19c9b/32.png) [@Chicagojeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicagojeff)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2010, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-guy-who-is-married-to-the-black-woman/529844/59 "2010-02-23T04:37:29Z")
> [@melodyharmonius](#): > > I’ve just always been in among a pretty diverse group of friends and family. As I like to say, “my family were lovers not fighters.” So it’s not uncommon for social situations to involve several different languages to be spoken simulataneously. Growing up, my neighborhood consisted of Hispanics, Italians, Jews, Blacks, Germans, Brits, Dutch, Irish, French, Indians (both western and eastern), Polynesians, Chinese, Armenians, Canadians, etc. Many were 1st generation. And that’s just one street. > > I grew up taking part of Kwanzaa celebrations, Purim Feasts, quinceaneras, etc. > > Apart from that - I actually worked for an R&B and Hip-hop radio station for several years where I was the ‘token white chick’ - and since part of my job was about writing content, you got schooled pretty quickly on how things are and what is and is not okay to write or say when it comes to issues and activities. > > I realize that most people who look at me would assume I’m just ‘polly whitebread’ and couldn’t possibly have an inkling. It’s not that I think I’m an authority - I don’t. But I was just wondering if tony ever felt that way - that people were ‘explaining’ things to him not realizing he knew more than they assumed he did. I feel you Melody.. its the same sometimes.. reverse though.. like shock when I’m with my friends at a Depeche Mode/Cure concert.. no. i know who Robert Smith is.. I have Japanese Whispers.. i know Run DMC isn’t playing here tonite. lol Assumptions.. ---
**Author:** ![melodyharmonius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/melodyharmonius/32/21310_2.png) [@melodyharmonius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/melodyharmonius)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2010, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-guy-who-is-married-to-the-black-woman/529844/60 "2010-02-23T05:39:57Z")
> [@Chicagojeff](#): > > I feel you Melody.. its the same sometimes.. reverse though.. like shock when I’m with my friends at a Depeche Mode/Cure concert.. no. i know who Robert Smith is.. I have Japanese Whispers.. i know Run DMC isn’t playing here tonite. lol > Assumptions.. Exactly! I know Tank isn’t just an army vehicle - I know who Joe is - I know the difference between zippers, micros, twists and corn rows. You don’t have to explain processing or breakage to me, I’ve written about 20 commercials about them. And yes, I actually learned the Cupid Shuffle from Cupid. Course, I suck at it - but I learned it. Lol - in the end, it’s okay. But it can be slightly amusing/slightly annoying to have someone not listen when I tell them I know - and explain it to me all again. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-guy-who-is-married-to-the-black-woman/529844.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-the-white-guy-who-is-married-to-the-black-woman/529844.md?page=4)