# Ask..... Your MOM!!!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 30, 2003, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/210522 "2003-10-30T21:30:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2003, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/210522/21 "2003-10-31T14:03:47Z")
Can I have a cookie? Can I have some ice cream? Can I have some candy? Can I knock back a twelve pack and eat a bag of Cheetos in the living room wearing just my underwear like daddy does? ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2003, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/210522/22 "2003-10-31T14:06:25Z")
Am I pretty? ---
**Author:** ![Marine\_One](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/marine_one/32/3461_2.png) [@Marine\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marine_One)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2003, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/210522/23 "2003-10-31T14:12:38Z")
Give me ONE good reason why I can’t have a BB gun!! All the other guys have one!!! ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2003, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/210522/24 "2003-10-31T14:13:34Z")
How come Heather has _two_ mommies? Does that mean she can post to this thread twice? ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2003, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/210522/25 "2003-10-31T14:54:37Z")
How come you don’t realize people are calling you “sir” all the time? And, btw, you know that man followed you into the ladies room and never batted an eye the whole time is because you look like a man, right? ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2003, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/210522/26 "2003-10-31T14:56:06Z")
**Tonya:** Well, I guess you just didn’t want it hard enough, did you? You always were a lazy little girl. And now you come whining to your mother because things didn’t go the way you thought. Well, you reap what oyu sow, Missy. Let that be a lesson to you. **Shade:** Dad is… is… the backup emergency catcher for the Toledo Mud Hens. Or the assistant to the second pit-crew chief at the dirt-track. Or the pit boss over at the Hole-In-The-Wall Poker Room. It was along night and Mommy needed the money. Now be a dear and go get Mommy her Quaaludes. **Swampbear:** No. No. No. Bring that to Mommy. And those aren’t Daddy’s underwear, they’re Mommy’s. Don’t ask questions. Don’t you have homework? **Fairy:** Of course you’re pretty. You’re Mommy’s little girl, yes you are. :: pinches cheek :: Now get back out to the corner and don’t come home without five hundred dollars. **Marine:** Not ONLY will you put your eye out, but Mommy is saving for an actual firearm. Be patient, dear boy. And if all the other guys jumped off a cliff, well, then you’d have all the BB guns you wanted, now wouldn’t you? Mommy’s given you the solution. **Skip:** Have you SEEN the way Heather has turned out, living in such a deviant house of decadence as she does? When you smell brimstone, will you come running in to Mommy and be jealous then? Now say your prayers and go to bed. We have a long day of distributing tracts ahead of us tomorrow. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2003, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/210522/27 "2003-10-31T14:58:29Z")
**Caricci:** People are cruel. You will learn this as you get older. You know what? You’ll learn it NOW. Go out back and cut me a switch. ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2003, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/210522/28 "2003-10-31T15:07:07Z")
Oh **Fairy**! Mom always did like you best! :mad: Mom, I’m sick. Can I stay home from school? ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2003, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/210522/29 "2003-10-31T17:18:58Z")
Can I please, huh? CanICanICanI? Can I pretty please with sugar on top? CanICanICanI? Huh?Huh?Huh?PleasepleasepleasepleaseCanI? Pleeeeeeeeeeease, pleeeeeeeeeease, pleeeeeeeeeease, CanIHuh? ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2003, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/210522/30 "2003-10-31T17:49:42Z")
I don’t like my name. Couldn’t you have come up with something better than Oedipus? ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2003, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/210522/31 "2003-10-31T18:55:13Z")
**if6was9:** Of course you can stay home from school, dear. The windows need washing, the floors need vacuuming, and the dog needs spaying. I expect it all done by lunchtime. **Swampbear:** We’ve been OVER this. Now take your Ritalin and go to your room. **lieu:** Oedipus is a perfectly fine name. You’ll grow into it. And fuck me if I could think of anything better. ---
**Author:** ![seal\_cleaner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@seal\_cleaner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seal_cleaner)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2003, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/210522/32 "2003-10-31T19:03:19Z")
Geez, mom, I’m in HIGH SCHOOL! How old do I have to BE before I get to bathe myself?!? ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2003, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/210522/33 "2003-10-31T20:00:34Z")
Mommy, is the Ritalin the blue one, the green one, or the red one? I forget. Oh and can I sleep over at **Homebrew’s** house this weekend? He says he wants to teach me a new game called “Proctologist and Patient.” CanICanICanIHuh? Pleeeeeeaseeeeeee, CanICanICanI? ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2003, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/210522/34 "2003-10-31T20:06:36Z")
[Adam Sandler] No! They’re all going to laugh at you! [/AS] ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2003, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/210522/35 "2003-10-31T20:14:48Z")
**seal\_cleaner:** When you can go a day without soiling yourself, we’ll see about letting you bathe yourself. **swampbear:** :: exasperated sigh :: Just take them ALL. With this whiskey. And if you don’t calm down and finish your homework, your little friend **Homebrew** will be using his proctology skills to remove my FOOT from your ASS. I can’t believe this. I have never seen a more out-of-control group than you. I’m not sure HOW this happened. I’m CERTAIN that I raised you right. How you all got so ungrateful is BEYOND me. Now try to play nice while I fix supper. And PUT THAT DOWN! ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2003, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/210522/36 "2003-10-31T20:29:01Z")
Mommy can I watch this movie daddy left in the VCR? I saw part of it last night but I fell asleep. There were these two nekkid men and one of em was gonna give the other one a spanking I think. Can I watch it? CanI?CanI?CanI? Huh?Huh?Huh?I finished my homework. CanI?CanI?CanI?CanI?CanI?CanI? **lieu** says you making congealed snot with ketchup for supper. Is that true? ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2003, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/210522/37 "2003-10-31T20:30:01Z")
**seal\_cleaner:** When you can go a day without soiling yourself, we’ll see about letting you bathe yourself. **swampbear:** :: exasperated sigh :: Just take them ALL. With this whiskey. And if you don’t calm down and finish your homework, your little friend **Homebrew** will be using his proctology skills to remove my FOOT from your ASS. I can’t believe this. I have never seen a more out-of-control group than you. I’m not sure HOW this happened. I’m CERTAIN that I raised you right. How you all got so ungrateful is BEYOND me. Now try to play nice while I fix supper. And PUT THAT DOWN! ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2003, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/210522/38 "2003-10-31T20:36:30Z")
**Swampbear!** ENOUGH! Room! Now! You’ll never know what’s for dinner because you’re going to bead hungry! Up those stairs NOW, mister, before I help you with a good swift kick! And I don’t want to hear a peep out of you until tomorrow morning! ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2003, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/210522/39 "2003-10-31T20:45:57Z")
\ Mommy is so mean!\ Well, I’ll show her! \ I’ll run away! \ Far, Far, Away!\ I’ll join the circus, that’s what I’ll do! \ I’ll get reeeeeeal rich and famous! \ And I’ll let all my family into the circus for free. \ Except Mommy! \ She’ll be sorry then, I bet! \ Yep! Gonna show her good! \ Mommy! Can I go to the bathroom? I have to pee reeeeeeeeal baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!!! Do you want me to pee out the window like daddy does? ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2003, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/210522/40 "2003-10-31T21:03:21Z")
Mommy, if touching myself feels so good, why does God hate me for it? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/210522.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/210522.md?page=3)