# Ask Your Mom **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 5, 2015, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/736737 "2015-11-05T17:50:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2015, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/736737/41 "2015-11-06T16:53:33Z")
> [@Cabin\_Fever](#): > > Mom, I have a serious question that needs to be answered to quell my torment. > If I don’t keep my cat’s bowl full of kibble will she attack me while I am asleep? > > I need to run to the grocery store soon. Yes, she will attack you. She may also try to smother your babies in their sleep, and she will certainly eat your body if you die and aren’t found for a while. That’s why you should call me every day- I worry. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2015, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/736737/42 "2015-11-06T16:56:01Z")
> [@DummyGladHands](#): > > Mom, listen, I really need to know. > > How the heck did you manage to feed 4 kids lunch with 1 can of Campbell’s condensed soup and fill all our bowls?? Is that why I hate tomato soup so much? But you did it with chicken noodle too!! > > And how did you make 1 small can of tuna stretch to make 4 tuna sandwiches, or 5 if Dad wanted one? > > And why was there always 1 big bite out of every sandwich you ever served? > > And was Kool-Aid really too expensive for us and we should drink water? _You_ try feeding 4 kids on $20 a week! I did the best I could! You’re still alive, aren’t you? And Kool-Aid has way too much sugar. Do you want to get diabetes and get your feet cut off? If you get your feet cut off from eating too much sugar, don’t come running to me! ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2015, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/736737/43 "2015-11-06T16:57:20Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > Thanks, Mother (that’s what I call you), for all you did to care for me, and feed me, and clean up after me, and help me with homework, and intercede with Father when you had to, and send me out into the world knowing that I was loved. We don’t always agree on everything, and sometimes I’m frustrated by… well, never mind. You’re still the _best_. > > XOXOX That’s my boy. Here, take some pie home- you’re too skinny. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2015, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/736737/44 "2015-11-06T16:58:26Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > Mom, would you be upset if I told you I had dated your sister? More than once? I always knew you were some kind of sex pervert. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2015, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/736737/45 "2015-11-06T16:59:28Z")
> [@China\_Guy](#): > > HOw many times did us kids walk in on you and Dad doing the wild thing when we were little? I don’t know what you’re talking about. Your father was always trying to teach me some wrestling moves- that must be what you saw. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2015, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/736737/46 "2015-11-06T17:21:03Z")
Did you ever really love dad? I’ve never seen two people seem so miserable as the two of you together. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2015, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/736737/47 "2015-11-06T17:32:22Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Did you ever really love dad? I’ve never seen two people seem so miserable as the two of you together. Well, of course I loved your father. I married him, didn’t I? No, it wasn’t all sunshine and roses, but what was I supposed to do, have you come from a broken home? And then you could end up shooting at people from a clock tower, and it would be all my fault! No thank you! ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2015, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/736737/48 "2015-11-06T17:35:44Z")
Then why didn’t dad ever come home after he went out to buy a pack of cigs? ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2015, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/736737/49 "2015-11-06T17:40:16Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Then why didn’t dad ever come home after he went out to buy a pack of cigs? Because you ask too many questions! Now shoo, go find something to do! ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2015, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/736737/50 "2015-11-06T17:47:58Z")
Oh, now it’s MY fault! I HATE YOU, MOM! You always liked Joey best! ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2015, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/736737/51 "2015-11-06T17:50:59Z")
If this is some kind of Rorschach about our respective childhoods, it looks like many 'Dopers have an awful lot of unresolved baggage about their Mom. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2015, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/736737/52 "2015-11-06T17:53:52Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Oh, now it’s MY fault! I HATE YOU, MOM! You always liked Joey best! I swear, Jim, you will be the death of me yet. Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about! ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2015, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/736737/53 "2015-11-06T17:54:58Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > If this is some kind of Rorschach about our respective childhoods, it looks like many 'Dopers have an awful lot of unresolved baggage about their Mom. Some of these people have _mommy issues_, for real. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2015, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/736737/54 "2015-11-06T17:58:53Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > I swear, Jim, you will be the death of me yet. Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about! My name isn’t Jim. It’s Yojimbo, like the guy in the Kurosawa film. HOW MANY TIMES do I have to tell you that my soul is a Japanese Ninja? You NEVER listen. No wonder Dad dumped you like toxic waste! ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2015, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/736737/55 "2015-11-06T18:10:57Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > My name isn’t Jim. It’s Yojimbo, like the guy in the Kurosawa film. HOW MANY TIMES do I have to tell you that my soul is a Japanese Ninja? You NEVER listen. No wonder Dad dumped you like toxic waste! Go to your room, and do not come out until morning. I have HAD IT with you. You are just like your father. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2015, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/736737/56 "2015-11-06T20:51:17Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > I swear, Jim, you will be the death of me yet. Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about! At first I wasn’t convinced that you were my mom because you said I was adopted, but this confirms that you are my mother. Sorry I don’t call more. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2015, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/736737/57 "2015-11-06T21:31:05Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > I always knew you were some kind of sex pervert. Just like Gramps and Uncle Ben? Or better? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-mom/736737.md?page=2)