# Ask your too-stupid-to-be-real cooking questions here.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [January 6, 2012, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669 "2012-01-06T21:50:40Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)
#### Post date: [January 6, 2012, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/21 "2012-01-06T23:10:09Z")
> [@River\_Hippie](#):
>
> I think about looking this up once in a while but this is the perfect opportunity to ask.
>
> Scrambled eggs…how are they made?
There’s dozens of different methods. I do a very fast, high heat cook, personally. Start to finish in about a minute or so, and I scramble them in the pan. There’s no one correct way to do it. I’m not a fan of the homogenous-mass style of scrambled egg.
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### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [January 6, 2012, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/22 "2012-01-06T23:12:38Z")
> [@emmaliminal](#):
>
> If you’re feeding them to me, please use the lowest possible heat your stovetop produces from start to finish, and add pepper and dill.
[This](http://www.cdkitchen.com/recipes/recs/40/Nero_Wolfes_Scrambled_eggs40529.shtml) sounds good. And it’s Nero Wolfe!
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### Author:  [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)
#### Post date: [January 6, 2012, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/23 "2012-01-06T23:22:55Z")
[Gordon Ramsey’s approach](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dU_B3QNu_Ks) to scrambled eggs is quite good, too. Mine is slightly different, but similar idea.
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### Author:  [@gazpacho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gazpacho)
#### Post date: [January 6, 2012, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/24 "2012-01-06T23:49:17Z")
> [@UFC\_Is\_Sux](#):
>
> Is there such a thing as instant water?
>
> And what do you add to it to make water?
Instant water just add hot coffee.
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### Author:  [@Barking\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barking_Dog)
#### Post date: [January 7, 2012, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/25 "2012-01-07T00:21:56Z")
I got one. Any body have tips on how to boil rice? I’ve got a rice cooker, so it’s kind of moot, but before I got the thing I’d try and make my rice the old fashioned way. And damned if I never got it right. Either it was overcooked, with the underside all burned and crunchy, or undercooked into a wierd kind of crunchy risotto-like mush. Where did I go wrong?
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### Author:  [@Patch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patch)
#### Post date: [January 7, 2012, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/26 "2012-01-07T00:32:50Z")
My pyrex two-cup measuring cup measures to different volumes than my assorted 1/4, 1/2, 1 cup measuring cups. I was told that’s because dry volumes in cooking are different than liquid volumes.
I have a recipe that calls for 1 cup of yogurt. Which one do I use?
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### Author:  [@zombywoof](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zombywoof)
#### Post date: [January 7, 2012, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/27 "2012-01-07T00:39:08Z")
> [@Barking\_Dog](#):
>
> I got one. Any body have tips on how to boil rice? I’ve got a rice cooker, so it’s kind of moot, but before I got the thing I’d try and make my rice the old fashioned way. And damned if I never got it right. Either it was overcooked, with the underside all burned and crunchy, or undercooked into a wierd kind of crunchy risotto-like mush. Where did I go wrong?
You might need to rinse it beforehand, you need the right ratio of rice:water for the kind you’re using and amount you’re cooking, and you need the right heat management (bring to boil, cover and turn heat to low and just simmer/steam until the water is absorbed). After lots of practice and trial and error mine still occasionally doesn’t come out quite right…easiest thing is to do as (I believe) Indians do and cook it like pasta (boil in large amount of water and drain when cooked) - though the result to me is a little “waterlogged”.
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### Author:  [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)
#### Post date: [January 7, 2012, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/28 "2012-01-07T00:55:26Z")
> [@Barking\_Dog](#):
>
> I got one. Any body have tips on how to boil rice? I’ve got a rice cooker, so it’s kind of moot, but before I got the thing I’d try and make my rice the old fashioned way. And damned if I never got it right. Either it was overcooked, with the underside all burned and crunchy, or undercooked into a wierd kind of crunchy risotto-like mush. Where did I go wrong?
All rice is slightly different, but here’s what I do for aged Basmati. It should work for just about any long-grained rice.
In a small saucepan, heat about 1-2T of butter until melted. Add the rice, saute until the rice just starts to brown - about 2 or 3 minutes. Add 1.5 cups of water, bring down to a very low simmer (like, almost not simmering at all, on my stove this is low), cover and cook for 13 minutes. You can peak; that whole thing about how you never should look at rice cooking is wrong. Just don’t do it every 30 seconds - wait until the ten minute mark then start looking.
When the water is all absorbed, take the pot off the heat, fluff with a fork, cover and let sit for another 10 min or so.
Works out perfectly every time.
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### Author:  [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)
#### Post date: [January 7, 2012, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/29 "2012-01-07T00:56:34Z")
> [@Patch](#):
>
> My pyrex two-cup measuring cup measures to different volumes than my assorted 1/4, 1/2, 1 cup measuring cups. I was told that’s because dry volumes in cooking are different than liquid volumes.
I don’t know why this myth is so pervasive, but that’s not true…with a small exception I’m guessing you’re never going to run into.
US pints are different from UK pints…but I _think_ this really only pertains to beer…If a UK recipe calls for a pint of water or milk, I’m 90% sure that will still be the same as a US pint, i.e. 16 oz, i.e. 2 cups, i.e. 32 tablespoons, i.e. 96 teaspoons.
But if you’re following a US recipe and it calls for a cup of flour, a cup of water, and a cup of sugar, you can use the same cup for all three…though a liquid measuring cup is often easier to get the liquid out of, since it has a spout.
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### Author:  [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)
#### Post date: [January 7, 2012, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/30 "2012-01-07T00:57:11Z")
> [@Patch](#):
>
> My pyrex two-cup measuring cup measures to different volumes than my assorted 1/4, 1/2, 1 cup measuring cups. I was told that’s because dry volumes in cooking are different than liquid volumes.
>
> I have a recipe that calls for 1 cup of yogurt. Which one do I use?
Either one - dry versus wet volume measurements are equally accurate. Or inaccurate, to be more precise.
Or do it the easy way, and weigh rather than measure by volume. You have to buy a scale, but you use many fewer dishes.
---
### Author:  [@StephenG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StephenG)
#### Post date: [January 7, 2012, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/31 "2012-01-07T01:00:56Z")
> [@Barking\_Dog](#):
>
> I got one. Any body have tips on how to boil rice? I’ve got a rice cooker, so it’s kind of moot, but before I got the thing I’d try and make my rice the old fashioned way. And damned if I never got it right. Either it was overcooked, with the underside all burned and crunchy, or undercooked into a wierd kind of crunchy risotto-like mush. Where did I go wrong?
I know very little about cooking, but I’ll try. Were you using the wrong amount of water, perhaps? I’ve always used a 1:1 ratio (e.g., 1 cup of water for 1 cup of rice), and cooked it for … however long the box said. Stirring makes it fluffier, IIRC, and too much stirring does make for a risotto-like effect.
---
### Author:  [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)
#### Post date: [January 7, 2012, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/32 "2012-01-07T01:01:26Z")
> [@Barking\_Dog](#):
>
> I got one. Any body have tips on how to boil rice? I’ve got a rice cooker, so it’s kind of moot, but before I got the thing I’d try and make my rice the old fashioned way. And damned if I never got it right. Either it was overcooked, with the underside all burned and crunchy, or undercooked into a wierd kind of crunchy risotto-like mush. Where did I go wrong?
For regular white rice, I do a scant 2 cups of water (around 1 3/4 - 1 7/8 cup) for every cup of rice. Bring to boil, cover, then immediately lower hear to lowest setting. (This is on a gas range.) Let cook for 20 minutes. Do not peek, do not touch. After 20 minutes, turn off the heat, and let it sit for another five minutes or so. Take off lid, fluff with as fork, and it should be fine.
You might have to fine-tune slightly depending on the age of your rice. Fresher rice might need as little as 1.5 cups of water for every cup of rice, and older, drier rice may need a full two cups.
I’ve never owned a rice cooker in my life, and this method has served me well.
---
### Author:  [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)
#### Post date: [January 7, 2012, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/33 "2012-01-07T01:03:11Z")
The old Boy Scout method was “One knuckle rice, two knuckles water, low heat until the water is pretty much gone, fluff.”
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### Author:  [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)
#### Post date: [January 7, 2012, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/34 "2012-01-07T01:06:44Z")
An alternate method is to cook rice like pasta, which is what I tend to do for brown rice. Basically, just get a rolling boil of a large pot of water going, dump your rice in, continue boiling for around 12-15 minutes or so (for white rice), drain in a colander/strainer, and voila, cooked rice. Brown rice will take a good deal longer. About 30 minutes or so.
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### Author:  [@surrounded\_by\_literalists](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/surrounded_by_literalists)
#### Post date: [January 7, 2012, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/35 "2012-01-07T01:07:49Z")
Who knew Jell-o would burst into flame like that? Now thats a fire!
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### Author:  [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)
#### Post date: [January 7, 2012, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/36 "2012-01-07T01:19:01Z")
> [@pulykamell](#):
>
> There’s dozens of different methods. I do a very fast, high heat cook, personally. Start to finish in about a minute or so, and I scramble them in the pan. There’s no one correct way to do it. I’m not a fan of the homogenous-mass style of scrambled egg.
> [@pulykamell](#):
>
> [Gordon Ramsey’s approach](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dU_B3QNu_Ks) to scrambled eggs is quite good, too. Mine is slightly different, but similar idea.
I was going to link to his, too. Honestly, just add a bit of pepper, salt, and milk and scrambled eggs really do improve in taste.
---
### Author:  [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)
#### Post date: [January 7, 2012, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/37 "2012-01-07T01:31:41Z")
> [@silenus](#):
>
> The old Boy Scout method was “One knuckle rice, two knuckles water, low heat until the water is pretty much gone, fluff.”
I’d forgotten that one. ETA: My idiot children don’t understand that “pretty much gone” is a perfectly valid cooking measurement, like “ye/yea/yay,” “some,” and “maybe a bit more.” I don’t know who taught them to cook, since they didn’t pay any attention to me.
> [@pulykamell](#):
>
> [Gordon Ramsey’s approach](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dU_B3QNu_Ks) to scrambled eggs is quite good, too. Mine is slightly different, but similar idea.
He uses a saucepan, not a frying pan! I thought that was my little secret, but my respect for Gordon Ramsey has gone up another notch. Too much (if one can imagine such a thing) fat, though. However, I much prefer gallbladder attacks without a gallbladder. I just need to stay near a toilet.
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### Author:  [@voltaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voltaire)
#### Post date: [January 7, 2012, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/38 "2012-01-07T01:35:43Z")
Ok, I’ll play, but my question isn’t technically about cooking something.
So, I’ve apparently got a self-cleaning oven. It’s got an oven temp setting and a lever on the door that say “Clean”, so that much seems straightforward. But other than that, I’m clueless. I guess I could Google it, but if’n y’all got some tips, I’d appreciate it. I’m tired of the smoke detector going off whenever I open the hot oven.
The top and sides seems to be reasonably clean, but the bottom has quite an accumulation of charred-up detritus. I’m guessing I should clear out as much of the loose stuff as possible, then do the whole “Clean” thing. But for how long? Do I need any oven-cleaner type stuff? I think the oven-cleaner part is what has prevented me from getting this done, because I really don’t like the prospect of putting a bunch of noxious stuff in my oven. Besides, I think I kind of like that “smoked” flavor!
But I think I have a serious fire-hazard going, not least of which is because of the fact that I often end up disabling the smoke detector and sometimes forget to turn it back on. :o
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### Author:  [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)
#### Post date: [January 7, 2012, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/39 "2012-01-07T01:49:12Z")
> [@UFC\_Is\_Sux](#):
>
> Is there such a thing as instant water?
it’s called a faucet.
---
### Author:  [@HotDogWater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HotDogWater)
#### Post date: [January 7, 2012, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/40 "2012-01-07T01:54:24Z")
Here’s how I use the self cleaning oven, **voltaire** : Take out the racks. wipe down the walls with damp paper towels. scrape up whetever excess goo you can from the bottom floor. DO NOT PUT OVEN CLEANER IN. run the self clean cycle, and don’t worry if you see a bit of smoke. after the cycle is done and the oven is cool, go back in and wipe up all the ashes with damp paper towels. re-install racks. make pizza.
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