# Ask your too-stupid-to-be-real cooking questions here.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [January 6, 2012, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669 "2012-01-06T21:50:40Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 7
### Author:  [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)
#### Post date: [January 8, 2012, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/121 "2012-01-08T23:10:54Z")
> [@Becky2844](#):
>
> I’m looking for a substitue for milk to be used in potato soup. I looked up rice milk and it’s way out of our price range. Are there other things available?
Tell us why you don’t want to use milk, and how you make your potato soup.
That said, you can use almost anything. My first thought is some kind of stock - chicken or veggy would be good. Heck, you could get away with water if you’re putting other aromatics (leeks/onions/garlic/parsley/etc) in the soup.
---
### Author:  [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)
#### Post date: [January 8, 2012, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/122 "2012-01-08T23:35:12Z")
> [@Athena](#):
>
> Tell us why you don’t want to use milk, and how you make your potato soup.
>
> That said, you can use almost anything. My first thought is some kind of stock - chicken or veggy would be good. Heck, you could get away with water if you’re putting other aromatics (leeks/onions/garlic/parsley/etc) in the soup.
That’s my suggestion too, plus purée/mash a small amount of the potatoes to thicken it up a little more and make it look “creamy.” Either use a potato masher or an immersion blender, or just take a little out and put it in a blender. (Be careful with hot soup in a blender.)
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### Author:  [@Alpine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alpine)
#### Post date: [January 8, 2012, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/123 "2012-01-08T23:54:26Z")
I’m trying to cook beef for tacos again, and I’m never sure how long to cook it to make it tender enough to shred. I’ve got a crockpot full of chuck roast cut into 1 inch cubes that has been cooking for about 3 hours. Isn’t there a magic point where it releases collagen or something? Last time I checked, it definitely wasn’t shreddable. Have I cooked it too long already?
(There are also onions, garlic, chicken broth and pickled jalapenos in there, if you’re interested. It smells goooood.)
---
### Author:  [@fumster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fumster)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2012, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/124 "2012-01-09T00:59:27Z")
> [@Alpine](#):
>
> I’m trying to cook beef for tacos again, and I’m never sure how long to cook it to make it tender enough to shred. I’ve got a crockpot full of chuck roast cut into 1 inch cubes that has been cooking for about 3 hours. Isn’t there a magic point where it releases collagen or something? Last time I checked, it definitely wasn’t shreddable. Have I cooked it too long already?
>
> (There are also onions, garlic, chicken broth and pickled jalapenos in there, if you’re interested. It smells goooood.)
You don’t need to cube it to shred it, just cook it like a pot roast. And there definitely is a point at which meat becomes soft. When I made pulled pork it was 200 degrees.
---
### Author:  [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2012, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/125 "2012-01-09T01:18:03Z")
> [@Alpine](#):
>
> I’m trying to cook beef for tacos again, and I’m never sure how long to cook it to make it tender enough to shred. I’ve got a crockpot full of chuck roast cut into 1 inch cubes that has been cooking for about 3 hours. Isn’t there a magic point where it releases collagen or something? Last time I checked, it definitely wasn’t shreddable. Have I cooked it too long already?
>
> (There are also onions, garlic, chicken broth and pickled jalapenos in there, if you’re interested. It smells goooood.)
I typically do pork shoulder for tacos, but chuck roast will work. It does take longer than pork shoulder, though - in general, it’s less fatty than pork which makes it take a bit longer to get to the shredding stage. Pull some out and try to shred with 2 forks; sometimes beef can seem more solid than it really is. Or pop some in your mouth. If the texture is good there, then it’s fine, shred away.
If you got an especially lean bit of chuck roast or if you trimmed too much fat off, it might get dry before it shreds. Fat is your friend when it comes to taco meat.
> [@sh1bu1](#):
>
> You don’t need to cube it to shred it, just cook it like a pot roast.
True, but it’ll go faster if it’s cubed. I sometimes cube it as a short cut.
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### Author:  [@Alpine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alpine)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2012, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/126 "2012-01-09T01:50:45Z")
Thanks, \*\*Athena \*\*and **sh1bu1**. It turns out I only needed to wait about another 1/2 hour. Then I used a Cooks Illustrated trick and mushed the cubes flat with a potato masher, which made shredding easy. It did seem tough when I tried it with a fork, but the masher worked a treat.
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### Author:  [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2012, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/127 "2012-01-09T04:05:20Z")
> [@sh1bu1](#):
>
> You don’t need to cube it to shred it, just cook it like a pot roast. And there definitely is a point at which meat becomes soft. When I made pulled pork it was 200 degrees.
Yeah, if you’re going to shred it, then leave it whole. Makes it easier to deal with in the end. I find an end temperature anywhere in the range of 190-205 is about right (usually around 195 or so), but it does seem to vary from one chunk of meat to another. Use your senses. Does a fork inserted in the meat offer little resistance? Does any bone effortlessly pull away? Does the meat look a little “slumped over on itself”? That’s what tells you when a collagen-heavy cut like chuck or pork shoulder is done. (ETA: By “done” I mean shreddable. I actually prefer my meat cooked slightly cooler (like 185-190) and chopped with a cleaver for things like pulled pork sandwiches and tacos.)
---
### Author:  [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2012, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/128 "2012-01-09T04:23:36Z")
> [@panache45](#):
>
> I keep one of [these](http://www.google.com/imgres?start=62&num=10&um=1&hl=en&safe=off&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&channel=s&biw=1159&bih=1144&tbm=isch&tbnid=ZkP01ydRxNJwFM:&imgrefurl=http://www.recipetips.com/glossary-term/t--38632/olive-oil-dispenser-and-drizzler.asp&docid=HlFQ3qkK7hUIkM&imgurl=http://www.recipetips.com/images/glossary/o/oliveOilDisenser.jpg&w=252&h=422&ei=6XkIT8-ZE5LUgQeMueiAAg&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=817&vpy=549&dur=919&hovh=291&hovw=173&tx=93&ty=161&sig=115393832862358866273&sqi=2&page=3&tbnh=203&tbnw=121&ndsp=31&ved=1t:429,r:18,s:62), filled with olive oil, next to the stove, since that’s the only place I use olive oil. I’ve heard that you shouldn’t keep it at room temperature, because it goes bad . . . but if you keep in in the refrigerator it solidifies. I don’t want to have to warm it up every time I need a squirt or two; it’s so convenient the way I have it. So what’s the harm in continuing to keep it this way?
If you’re worried about it going bad, just don’t fill the bottle completely. Put whatever amount you’re comfortable with in the bottle.
> [@Infovore](#):
>
> I appreciate the suggestion and it sounds like baking is the way to go, but I really _am_ that boring. I just want the minimum amount of extra items involved with my food to make it moist. That’s it. Maybe once I learn to do that I can branch out into trying some things to enhance the flavor, but for now I really just want to know how to cook the darn thing. 🙂
Pan fry, as already suggested.
Microwave works, too.
Pierce the filet a number of times with the point of a knife (otherwise you’ll get small “explosions”). Microwave till the fish is opaque. Season with whatever you like: salt, dill, lemon, butter, garlic salt, soy sauce. Serve.
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### Author:  [@Becky2844](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Becky2844)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2012, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/129 "2012-01-09T04:51:38Z")
> [@Athena](#):
>
> Tell us why you don’t want to use milk, and how you make your potato soup.
>
> That said, you can use almost anything. My first thought is some kind of stock - chicken or veggy would be good. Heck, you could get away with water if you’re putting other aromatics (leeks/onions/garlic/parsley/etc) in the soup.
There’s no allergy or anything, I just don’t care for the aftertaste. The veggie stock you mentioned sounds like a good alternative, thanks.
---
### Author:  [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2012, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/130 "2012-01-09T04:59:44Z")
**panache** : Agree with the suggestion to not fill the bottle so far - also, consider moving it back from the stove a bit. Heat will accelerate the rancidity of the oil. That being said, I tend to keep an open bottle of olive oil at room temp for anywhere from 1-3 months with no noticeable effects.
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### Author:  [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2012, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/131 "2012-01-09T12:35:20Z")
How do you cook a steak well-done without setting off the smoke detector? Every recipe I’ve ever read assumes I want my steak quickly seared and then served half-raw, which I just can’t stand. If I try to cook it on high heat the whole time, the pan starts to smoke from the drippings. If I cook it lower it takes forever and the steak ends up too dry. I tried finishing it in the oven once and still ended up with a kitchen full of smoke that smelled like steak for days (and there’s no bigger tease than a constant scent of steak when there’s no steak to be had.)
Furthermore; how do you cook a t-bone at all?
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### Author:  [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2012, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/132 "2012-01-09T13:55:16Z")
> [@Smapti](#):
>
> How do you cook a steak well-done without setting off the smoke detector? Every recipe I’ve ever read assumes I want my steak quickly seared and then served half-raw, which I just can’t stand. If I try to cook it on high heat the whole time, the pan starts to smoke from the drippings. If I cook it lower it takes forever and the steak ends up too dry. I tried finishing it in the oven once and still ended up with a kitchen full of smoke that smelled like steak for days (and there’s no bigger tease than a constant scent of steak when there’s no steak to be had.)
I think your problem is three-fold.
First, Most home kitchens are not set up for high-temperature cooking. The primary culprit is lack of ventilation; the one item that high-end fancypants home kitchens get right is that most of them have a kickass hood with a powerful fan. Assuming they take the extra step of ventilating the exhaust outside the house (as opposed to just recirculating it inside), they work well.
Second, try bringing the steak to room temperature before cooking, and buy thinner cuts of meat.
Third, the reality of well done meat is that it _is_ dry. Steaks cooked to medium or cooler have a better temperature and are juicier, which is why a lot of people prefer them that way. That said, if you want it well-done, experiment with a [Jaccarder](http://www.amazon.com/Jaccard-200348-Supertendermatic-48-Blade-Tenderizer/dp/B001347JK6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1326117257&sr=8-1). It won’t do much with dryness, but it’ll improve the toughness, and you might like the steak better.
> [@Smapti](#):
>
> Furthermore; how do you cook a t-bone at all?
Well, I pretty much cook to medium-rare, so I don’t think my method will do much good for you.
---
### Author:  [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2012, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/133 "2012-01-09T14:13:14Z")
RE: cooking meat down for shredding.
It’s not just a matter of getting it to the correct temperature; collagen shrinks and fat renders at a surprisingly low temperature - starting at around 105 degrees and maximizing at around 185 degrees for the best fat rendering. But your goal with making shredded meat is not to render all the fat out of it; rather what you want is to tenderize the fatty tissue and somewhat shrink the collagen to give the meat that unctuous mouthfeel. That takes low, slow, humid cooking.
(and as an aside, that’s also why things like sous-vide ribs are so good - you can cook the meat to medium rare and hold it there for hours, giving the fat & collagen time to break down without overcooking the meat).
Anyway, back to shredding meat. You’ll get the best results by making sure the meat has plenty of liquid around it - not necessarily covered in it, but enough to give it a good humid environment. Cover the pot, leave it on the stove at a very slow simmer for a long time. Don’t boil; you don’t want to render out all the fat, you want to tenderize it. Just below a simmer is fine too.
It’ll take a while this way, but it’ll be good. If, at the end, you have too much liquid, just remove the meat and turn it up to a boil and reduce the liquid down to a syrupy consistency. For carnitas, I then mix the liquid with the shredded meat, spread it on a cookie sheet, and put it under the broiler to give a it quick crunch. Yum.
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### Author:  [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2012, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/134 "2012-01-09T15:22:09Z")
A humid environment is not necessary for collagen breakdown and shredding (see, for example, pulled pork or barbecue brisket recipes), but it does speed up the process greatly.
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### Author:  [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2012, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/135 "2012-01-09T15:32:36Z")
This one is a simple matter of definition, and I have not yet bothered to invoke my Google-fu for an answer of my own.
I have a recipe that calls for a ‘flattened’ chicken. How do I do this? As simple as cutting through the breast side, and pulling it apart? Any particular tricks of the trade?
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### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2012, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/136 "2012-01-09T15:50:56Z")
> [@VunderBob](#):
>
> I have a recipe that calls for a ‘flattened’ chicken. How do I do this? As simple as cutting through the breast side, and pulling it apart?
I put it between two sheets of plastic wrap and pound it with a blunt instrument.
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### Author:  [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2012, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/137 "2012-01-09T15:58:45Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#):
>
> I put it between two sheets of plastic wrap and pound it with a blunt instrument.
A whole chicken? 😃
Search for videos on “butterflying” a whole chicken, or take out any giblets, cut out the backbone, take out the breastbone (bend the halves of it back to pop the breastbone up), trim fat, voila. I know the breastbone part is a tad more complicated than that, but mostly just some cutting through cartilage, I think.
Edit: Or you can just break the breastbone and leave it in place. Same method as above, fold the chicken backwards around the breastbone area.
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### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2012, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/138 "2012-01-09T16:05:38Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#):
>
> A whole chicken? 😃
Would you believe Heavy Duty Saran wrap? 🙂
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### Author:  [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2012, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/139 "2012-01-09T16:08:10Z")
I’m assuming that a “flattened” chicken is a “spatchcocked” chicken, and in that case, to put it simply, one would cut along the two sides of the back of the chicken essentially removing its back, then you cut or pop out the keelbone on the underside of the breast allowing for it to be cooked, “flattened”, whole, and evenly (usually on a grill). The easiest way to do it would be to use kitchen shears or scissors to perform the “backendectomy”, but one could also use a knife.
It’s easier to watch being done than to explain, so here’s a video that shows you how to do it- [Spatchcocking](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=weuvQ-z49Pw&feature=related).
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### Author:  [@Swords\_to\_Plowshares](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swords_to_Plowshares)
#### Post date: [January 9, 2012, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ask-your-too-stupid-to-be-real-cooking-questions-here/608669/140 "2012-01-09T16:42:45Z")
> [@Infovore](#):
>
> Okay, I have a stupid one: How do I cook fish? Specifically salmon and other fillet or steaky-style fish?
>
> When I say “cook” I mean literally “cook.” I don’t want a recipe. I don’t want to add other things to it to make it more flavorful or “interesting.” I just want directions, followable by a reasonably bright grade-schooler, on how to cook it so it doesn’t make me sick.
>
> Yeah, I’m really that abysmal a cook. I’m scared of cooking. 😃 And I like really basic food without embellishments.
Honestly I just pan-fry with a butter/olive oil combo and salt and pepper. I like a good sear on the outside but still “medium” on the inside (for salmon).
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