# Asking advice - where and when should we move in together?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-advice-where-and-when-should-we-move-in-together/370636
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [August 29, 2006, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-advice-where-and-when-should-we-move-in-together/370636 "2006-08-29T06:19:14Z")
**Posts on this page:** 10
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)
#### Post date: [September 1, 2006, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-advice-where-and-when-should-we-move-in-together/370636/21 "2006-09-01T06:20:23Z")
> [@featherlou](#):
>
> I’m going to use my armchair psychologist superpowers and say you seem a little divided on this. 😃
>
> Like Joe Jackson says, you can’t get what you want until you know what you want.
Oh, I don’t know, sometimes you discover that something is what you wanted - once you get it. Best wishes, **Askance** , looks like you may need to start looking at the “home searching” threads 😃
---
### Author:  [@parrot\_recipes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/parrot_recipes)
#### Post date: [September 1, 2006, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-advice-where-and-when-should-we-move-in-together/370636/22 "2006-09-01T06:40:11Z")
You said her place has 5 bedrooms, so having your alone time is quite feasible!
---
### Author:  [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)
#### Post date: [September 1, 2006, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-advice-where-and-when-should-we-move-in-together/370636/23 "2006-09-01T08:03:46Z")
> [@Askance](#):
>
> Ever? No, I don’t think that’s an option. I could stand it, but I would prefer living together when I’m sure. She wants it as soon as I’m ready for it and circumstances permit.
Obviously I am not going to get an invite down for the house warming. Hope it all works out for you. 😃
---
### Author:  [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)
#### Post date: [September 1, 2006, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-advice-where-and-when-should-we-move-in-together/370636/24 "2006-09-01T11:56:03Z")
If you love her and her boy so much, why don’t you just go ahead and propose?
---
### Author:  [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)
#### Post date: [September 1, 2006, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-advice-where-and-when-should-we-move-in-together/370636/25 "2006-09-01T14:19:34Z")
We covered that already, **ivylass** -
> [@](#):
>
> Originally Posted by Askance
> \I’ve been married twice and her once; we don’t want to do that again, neither of us believe it would add anything positive to our relationship.
> \
So, what it boils down to is you want your neighbourhood, and she wants her house. I think you’re going to have to find a compromise place together - I don’t see either of you moving into the other’s place happily, and you both have to be satisfied with the results of your decisions together.
---
### Author:  [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)
#### Post date: [September 1, 2006, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-advice-where-and-when-should-we-move-in-together/370636/26 "2006-09-01T14:34:55Z")
Suck it up and move in with her. Keep your place and rent it. The Sydney property market is on the nose and small inner city places are horrendously over-valued at the moment. Don’t worry about the wondrous ambience of your “home” suburb, I live near Penrith but you may well bump in to me on King St any weekend but not this one I’m off to Manly for a walk with friends.
---
### Author:  [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)
#### Post date: [September 1, 2006, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-advice-where-and-when-should-we-move-in-together/370636/27 "2006-09-01T16:23:00Z")
> [@featherlou](#):
>
> We covered that already, **ivylass** -
>
> So, what it boils down to is you want your neighbourhood, and she wants her house. I think you’re going to have to find a compromise place together - I don’t see either of you moving into the other’s place happily, and you both have to be satisfied with the results of your decisions together.
Sorry, missed that part. My apologies.
Well, if it were the two of you, I’d say find a third place. But she has a son, and I think you have to consider the consequences to _him_. You’re not his stepfather, you’re his mom’s boyfriend. You won’t have any power or authority.
Wait until he’s up and out, then you and your ladyfriend can find a place together.
---
### Author:  [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)
#### Post date: [September 4, 2006, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-advice-where-and-when-should-we-move-in-together/370636/28 "2006-09-04T05:46:50Z")
> [@ivylass](#):
>
> But she has a son, and I think you have to consider the consequences to _him_. You’re not his stepfather, you’re his mom’s boyfriend. You won’t have any power or authority.
An excellent point, which I should have made clearer earlier. Interestingly this father’s day just gone I was treated almost exactly as if I were his father: I got a hand-made card and present from him, and a voluntary hug (rare for him) and a heartfelt “love you” during it. So I guess I’d have to say I’m at least up to step-father status. I certainly have authority over him, his mum willingly and voluntarily granted me that something like 2 years ago and he accepted (and accepts) it unquestioningly. It certainly helps that I’m the source of all technological wonder and delight, being in the computer industry 🙂 , and I use that for disciplinary purposes.
> [@](#):
>
> Wait until he’s up and out, then you and your ladyfriend can find a place together.
Which could be anywhere between 6 and, well, who knows how many years away … I hear kids these days are staying at home til their 30s!
---
### Author:  [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)
#### Post date: [September 4, 2006, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-advice-where-and-when-should-we-move-in-together/370636/29 "2006-09-04T05:48:42Z")
> [@parrot recipes](#):
>
> You said her place has 5 bedrooms, so having your alone time is quite feasible!
That’s true, and just this last weekend she said I could have the lounge room as my study; it hardly gets used any more now the kitchen/dining/living room area is finished.
---
### Author:  [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)
#### Post date: [September 4, 2006, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-advice-where-and-when-should-we-move-in-together/370636/30 "2006-09-04T05:51:40Z")
Again I want to thank all you good folks for your thoughtful advice. In a chat last weekend she made it clear she’s cool with waiting as long as it takes for things to sort themselves out; she’s completely confident in our future together and is not worried. So I guess my perception she was getting a bit impatient with the situation was wrong, so it’s back to the real estate pages! Lotsa luck to us 🙂
[Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-advice-where-and-when-should-we-move-in-together/370636.md?page=1)