# Asking if a celebrity is gay **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [March 28, 1999, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-if-a-celebrity-is-gay/2765 "1999-03-28T22:49:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 1999, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-if-a-celebrity-is-gay/2765/1 "1999-03-29T06:49:00Z")
Anyone who’s been on the internet for even a short time has seen this exchange: Message 1: “Is Person X gay?” Messages 2 through 463: “Why do you care!” “It shouldn’t matter!” “You’re a homophobe!” etc… Now, you generally don’t see this type of response from asking if Person X is married, is good in bed, or any other very personal question. The people who try to deflect the gay question have good intentions, certainly people are discriminated against for their sexuality. But, I think maybe trying to stop people from talking about it perpetuates the attitude that a person’s sexuality DOES make a difference. If it really does not make a difference, then there’s no harm in talking about it, right? Plus, it’s just so damn stupid. If you don’t care, then ignore the question like you would any other question you don’t care about. It’s kind of a pet peeve of mine. I should mention I’m straight, so it could be argued that it’s easy for a straight guy to say “let’s be open about this!” since it’s unlikely I’ll be discrimated against for my sexuality. I was hoping maybe a gay person might share his or her opinion on this subject. – Revtim ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 1999, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-if-a-celebrity-is-gay/2765/2 "1999-03-28T22:49:00Z")
> [@](#): > > I should mention I’m straight, so it could be argued that it’s easy for a straight guy to say “let’s be open about this!” since it’s unlikely I’ll be discrimated against for my sexuality. I was hoping maybe a gay person might share his or her opinion on this subject. > > – Revtim You’re right about it being a hot-button topic, Tim. At the same time, you’ve engaged in a behavior which I find curious – that of a straight man making a statement to the effect of “people shouldn’t care if someone is gay” but then making sure to mention that they’re not gay. In other words, if being gay doesn’t matter, then why point out that you’re not? I don’t mean this as a flame on you, Tim. You mentioned your sexual orientation as an acknowledgement that you’re not likely to be discriminated against. It only served to spur me on to my observation. And I have often noticed that even staunch defenders of a person’s right to be homosexual are careful not to be branded homosexual themselves. Oh, BTW, I’m not gay. * * * The Dave-Guy “since my daughter’s only half-Jewish, can she go in up to her knees?” J.H. Marx ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 1999, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-if-a-celebrity-is-gay/2765/3 "1999-03-28T23:54:00Z")
My biggest problem with the whole thing is what people think they can ask or have the right to know about celebrities period. They all seem to follow the “I made you” line. As far as I’m concerned all that entertainers owe you is just that. Entertainment for your money. They don’t have to tell you who they like to sleep with,if they ever did drugs,were committed and on and on ad nauseum. It really is not confined to just entertainers. People all over seem to have fallen into this deal of asking the most personal questions. Can you say “It’s not my business” * * * Kathy ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 1999, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-if-a-celebrity-is-gay/2765/4 "1999-03-28T23:56:00Z")
> [@](#): > > In other words, if being gay doesn’t matter, then why point out that you’re not? Sorry, I thought I made that clear, maybe I didn’t. I never had a bunch of rednecks beat the shit out of me because of my sexuality. I never had anybody discriminate against me because of my lifestyle. I never had people not want to shake my hand because they are afraid they’ll get AIDS. So maybe my opinion on the subject doesn’t mean shit. It’s easy for a person to say we should be open about something, when they will never have to suffer any repercussions. I hope I answered your question Dave. Now you answer mine: Do you think people should not ask if celebrities are gay, or is it OK? – Revtim ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 1999, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-if-a-celebrity-is-gay/2765/5 "1999-03-29T01:20:00Z")
Well, I _am_ gay. Not that it happens to me much, but it does kind of get obnoxious if people ask you whether you’re gay all day long. However, I think that gay celebrities should come out, because they’re role models for youth, gay youth have a 14 times higher suicide rate than straight youth, etc. Also, I disapprove of outing people except when they’re homophobic Republicans or Reform party members. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 1999, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-if-a-celebrity-is-gay/2765/6 "1999-03-29T15:53:00Z")
No C&P because I have yet to figure it out on this new board. Sorry ☹ I see nothing wrong with asking if a celebrity is gay. To me it’s no different than asking if they plan to have children someday. It’s part of the fascination we have with celebrities. Of course that doesn’t mean we have a right to know EVERY detail of their lives. ## BTW: I’m not gay, but my boyfriend is. ;-} **SIMFOG** ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 1999, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-if-a-celebrity-is-gay/2765/7 "1999-03-29T22:56:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Of course that doesn’t mean we have a right to know EVERY detail of their lives. Where would you draw the line? My feelings are with TXRebel on this one. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 1999, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-if-a-celebrity-is-gay/2765/8 "1999-03-29T23:26:00Z")
> [@](#): > > No C&P because I have yet to figure it out on this new board. Sorry ☹ Don’t feel bad; it took me several tries. I’ll e-mail you directions b/c if you type the directions here, the HTML code is picked up and it becomes convoluted. If you are eager to know, though, it looks like this. {quote} pasted quote {/quote} with the exception that block quotes “[” and “]” are substituted for the squiggly quotes. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 1999, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-if-a-celebrity-is-gay/2765/9 "1999-03-30T01:57:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Sorry, I thought I made that clear, maybe I didn’t. > [@](#): > > I hope I answered your question Dave. Now you answer mine: Do you think people should not ask if celebrities are gay, or is it OK? > – Revtim Actually, you made yourself perfectly clear, and you made a very good point. I mentioned that your OP spurred me to comment on a related topic that had always kind of stuck in my mind. ## To answer your original question, it’s nobody’s bloody business who’s gay and who isn’t, celebrity or no. Perversely, the general public’s desire to know about a celebrity’s sexuality is just as strong, it seems, as some famous people’s desire to make their sexuality public knowledge. So it seems to be a two-way street – one which I think no one has any business travelling on. The Dave-Guy “since my daughter’s only half-Jewish, can she go in up to her knees?” J.H. Marx ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 1999, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-if-a-celebrity-is-gay/2765/10 "1999-03-30T02:33:00Z")
> [@](#): > > To answer your original question, it’s nobody’s bloody business who’s gay and who isn’t, celebrity or no. Very true. But should the gay question be considered more personal than other very personal questions that are traditionally not met with such angry “none of your business” type responses? – Revtim ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 1999, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-if-a-celebrity-is-gay/2765/11 "1999-03-30T03:54:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Perversely, the general public’s desire to know about a celebrity’s sexuality is just as strong, it seems, as some famous people’s desire to make their sexuality public knowledge. So it seems to be a two-way street – one which I think no one has any business travelling on. Wait a minute. Are you saying that celebrities shouldn’t come out? because if you were, I’d have to argumentarily flatten you (see my point above about suicide, etc.) So I hope you aren’t and it’s just the fact that it’s late at night that’s not making me see straight… ok, I’ll just shut up now. )-6 * * * Blessed Be, Matt McLauchlin Montreal, Quebec ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 1999, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-if-a-celebrity-is-gay/2765/12 "1999-04-03T15:31:00Z")
Well, this is simply my humble opinion, but here goes. I will agree with you that one cannot get through the day without hearing reference to “Gay”: Gay Rights, Gay Character on TV show, Gay Bashing, etc. But, and I don’t know your age, but if you were around during the great Civil Rights for Blacks upheaval during the 60’s, Or the Viet Nam War era and its op- & proponents, they too seemed ubiquitous subjects. It is, it appears, in some ways, time for the Lesbian and Gay community to sieze the moment…albeit in a nonviolent way compared to the two aforementioned subjects. I wonder if the Gay community should turn to violence (academically wonder, that is) since it helped in the anti war and Black Power struggles.That’s simply musing…please no angry responses… Here’s the thing: Gay people do tend to get defensive for a number of reasons. First: If people meet/see on TV or Screen an actor they automatically (in most cases) assume that actor is straight. That’s not fair. Second: If a very beautiful sexy woman or an incredibly handsome chick magnet actor were to announce their sexuality, their image would be very badly, perhaps irevvocably damaged. We all work for a living. Yes, people can understand that Harrison Ford is not really the President of the USA in Air Force One, but they are happy to suspend that knowledge to enjoy a film. Unfortunately, it is not like that for Gay actors. If actor X is in a mad, passionate love scene in a film,and is known to be Gay…the snickers and comments (She’d rather be (fill in the vulgarity) or He likes it up the…He’s a fudge packer…on and on, ad infinitum, ad nauseum.) If your Boss didn’t like people who enjoy a beer or two after work, would you volunteer that you chug a sixpack every night? Third: They do have parents and sibs and friends. Perhaps they haven’t told them. It’s a personal decision. Finally: You open yourself to ridicule, accusations, don’t hug my kids, OK? type of things. I am a Lesbian.“But you’d never know.” Sorry, don’t mean to be sarcastic…but. Anyway, I have a very good job. I am not attracted to anyone in my company. The last thing I need is to be “out” in the ladies room while another woman is in there and hear her say, “Oh, it was like sooo gross! She was looking at me!” If you doubt me, I can assure you, I have seen many, many different examples of it. There are some people that have confided to a “friend”, of the Linda Tripp variety, and that friend will and does tell others…not maliciously, but I think mst often, as a way to show how /hip/ tolerant/ Liberal they are. It always (again this has been my experience) ends up with some trashy looking tart stating, “Ughhh! Did you see the look she gave me?” Look, straight or Gay we all need to work. Gay people or friends of Gay people understand these things. Perhaps that is why they come across, or in fact are, defensive. * * * “The minuteyou settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” Maureen Dowd ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 1999, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-if-a-celebrity-is-gay/2765/13 "1999-04-04T02:09:00Z")
I agree that there is still a bias against gay people in this society. But I also think it won’t get better until gay people start coming out of the closet. My aunt, for instance, is a lesbian. But she hasn’t come out of the closet for fear of alienating her brothers and sisters. What she doesn’t realize is that most of us already know. Some wouldn’t admit it openly, but we all know in our hearts. And we will love her no matter what b/c she’s a great person. I have suspected for some time that Rosie O’Donnell may be gay. Is she? I don’t know and frankly I don’t care. She is a funny, warm, sensitive person, regardless of who she sleeps with. While some people may turn off her program if she was gay, I also think a good majority of people would support her b/c they liked her as a person before they knew her sexual preference. I don’t blame people for staying in the closet; it’s just that I think it would help everyone if more people would. Surely the gay community is a little disheartened to be depicted only as militant and angry. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 1999, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-if-a-celebrity-is-gay/2765/14 "1999-04-04T02:43:00Z")
And what the hell is this straight-boy terror of gay guys looking at them? Excuse me, excuse me, straight boys… you’re not THAT attractive! Besides, even if I were attracted to a straight guy, I know at least TEN gay guys who are as if not more attractive than him, and whom I could get into bed a lot easier… oy! the arrogance. \ ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 1999, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-if-a-celebrity-is-gay/2765/15 "1999-04-05T00:04:00Z")
[[[And what the hell is this straight-boy terror of gay guys looking at them? Excuse me, excuse me, straight boys… you’re not THAT attractive! Besides, even if I were attracted to a straight guy, I know at least TEN gay guys who are as if not more attractive than him, and whom I could get into bed a lot easier… oy! the arrogance.]]] Gawrsh, Mickey, I think maybe someone suffers from some prejudices and bigotry of his own! * * * \*\* Phil D. \*\* “Not only is the world queerer than we imagine, it is queerer than we can imagine.” –J.B.S. Haldane ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 1999, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-if-a-celebrity-is-gay/2765/16 "1999-04-05T00:39:00Z")
This will offend people, but I have to say it. I’m not gay, but if I were, I would really be ashamed of it. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 1999, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-if-a-celebrity-is-gay/2765/17 "1999-04-05T03:47:00Z")
I’m not a bigot, but if I were, I would really be ashamed of it. * * * –elm I’m trying to see things from your point of view, but I can’t get my head that far up my ass. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 1999, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-if-a-celebrity-is-gay/2765/18 "1999-04-05T04:59:00Z")
Let me rephrase. If I had a genetic defect, I wouldn’t celebrate it. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 1999, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-if-a-celebrity-is-gay/2765/19 "1999-04-05T05:56:00Z")
Beeruser? I think you should have quit while you were ahead. This > [@](#): > > I’m not gay, but if I were, I would really be ashamed of it. sounds like an honest expression of feeling that, while hardly PC, should be respected by people as an uncontrollable feeling. (As long as you don’t go around telling gay folks that **they** should be ashamed, I would not think you should be censured.) On the other hand, this > [@](#): > > If I had a genetic defect, I wouldn’t celebrate it. has the effect of implying that you know that homosexuality is a genetic defect. Since no biologist or psychologist has actually identified just what causes homosexuality–and certainly no evidence has been provided that homosexuality is bad–you are now in the position of claiming that you _know_ that it _is_ bad. (Defects are generally bad.) You have now muddied the waters regarding your own opinions, so I would not presume to try to “correct” your opinions, beliefs, or attitudes. However, I think you may want to consider your posts a bit before you do get flamed. * * * Tom~ ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 1999, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-if-a-celebrity-is-gay/2765/20 "1999-04-05T14:32:00Z")
I am so disgusted by people’s ignorance. I feel that anyone who has a problem with homosexuality (or inter-racial coupling, or racism in general) is a puppet - brought up to think just like mom and pop - never exploring their own feelings and developing their own morals and values. As Matt said, "And what the hell is this straight-boy terror of gay guys looking at them? Excuse me, excuse me, straight boys… you’re not THAT attractive! Besides, even if I were attracted to a straight guy, I know at least TEN gay guys who are as if not more attractive than him, and whom I could get into bed a lot easier… oy! the arrogance. " Phil might not have liked this response, but it was correct in a lot of ways. First, straight men usually have a bigger problem w/ homosexuality than straight women. Also, as proven time and time again by boys on naval carriers and subs, many straight men believe that a gay man will have sex with _any man_. They don’t understand that, gay or straight, everyone has their attractions. Just because a man is gay doesn’t mean he’ll jump your bones! I have quite a few gay friends, male and female. For some reason, maybe it’s that I don’t judge people for anything other than who they are (head and heart), gay women and men feel comfortable enough around me to come out to me. If I had been an uptight close-minded ass, I would’ve missed out on a lot of wonderful friendships! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-if-a-celebrity-is-gay/2765.md?page=2)