# Asking This Girl Out After Her Breakup **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 14, 2013, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291 "2013-05-14T03:55:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2013, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/21 "2013-05-14T17:59:19Z")
I’m gonna expose my sappy side and quote Neil Diamond: > [@](#): > > Do it > While your soul’s still burning > Don’t hide the yearning away > Say what you wanna say > Cause if you let her go > You’ll always know > You blew it > Go to it > And do it, yeah > Do it, yeah ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2013, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/22 "2013-05-14T20:13:12Z")
Ask her out. I’ve learned (painfully) that the misery of pining and not knowing is, in the long term, worse than rejection. Should she reject you, get a lot of beer/ice-cream/friends/sad films/other comfort thing of choice and try to move on. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2013, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/23 "2013-05-14T21:10:14Z")
Since you’re a college kid I’ll put this in very blunt terms: Hot girls don’t stay single for long. And when you do make your move, don’t put her on a pedestal. Don’t tell her how much you’re going to cherish her and all that sappy nonsense. The only time girls dig that shit is in the movies. **drewtwo99** was right in that regard. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2013, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/24 "2013-05-14T23:29:11Z")
Welcome to the SDMB, **dnguy0**. Since you’re looking for advice, I’ll move this to IMHO, our advice-and-opinions forum. **twickster** , MPSIMS moderator ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2013, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/25 "2013-05-14T23:43:04Z")
As others have said, you should definitely ask her out. A week after her breakup might be a little soon, but I wouldn’t wait more than a few days. How you ask her out is key. In this particular situation, the number one rule is: don’t freak her out. This means you don’t in any way mention your previous crush, you don’t go on and on about how much you like her, you don’t show up wearing a tuxedo with a dozen roses, you don’t try to sweep her off her feet with romance. People on the rebound are skittish and confused and coming on strong can make them feel out of control. Your job is to be fun, to be calm, and to be confident. Make her laugh, plan fun low-key dates and don’t be afraid to kiss her when the time comes. If she wigs out at any point, don’t wig out too. Your message is: I like you, I’d like to date you if you’re up for it, but if not, that’s cool. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2013, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/26 "2013-05-15T00:06:34Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > I absolutely hate, hate, HATE, it when guys come out of the woodwork to tell me how much they’ve always liked me, how they’ve had a crush on me, how they’ll “be there” for me, etc, right after a relationship ends. Yup, it’s creepy and makes me question if you ever actually were my friend to begin with or if you were just using me. Don’t mention any of that. Tell her you’ve enjoyed hanging out lately and ask if she’d like to go on a proper date. If she says no, there’s your answer. Odds are, she knows you were into her and just wasn’t interested. She may be now, but if she’s not, don’t nice guy your way into her life on the chance you might get some scraps. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2013, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/27 "2013-05-15T00:16:55Z")
Please PLEASE take an English composition class before you finish college. Perhaps you may be able to convey your feelings about this girl to her better than you did in the OP. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2013, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/28 "2013-05-15T00:26:28Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Please PLEASE take an English composition class before you finish college. Perhaps you may be able to convey your feelings about this girl to her better than you did in the OP. I don’t think there’s anything egregiously wrong with the OPs composition skills. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2013, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/29 "2013-05-15T00:29:04Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Please PLEASE take an English composition class before you finish college. Perhaps you may be able to convey your feelings about this girl to her better than you did in the OP. I think that’s very harsh. As a former college English teacher I would give it a passing grade and I didn’t see anything very egregious. I can find many samples of worse writing on this very message board, much less the rest of the internet. Don’t worry about your writing skills, OP. Just ask the girl out before she gets all dated up! ETA Oh my god, colander, we both said egregious. Heh. ---
**Author:** ![RaftPeople](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@RaftPeople](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RaftPeople)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2013, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/30 "2013-05-15T00:31:43Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Please PLEASE take an English composition class before you finish college. Perhaps you may be able to convey your feelings about this girl to her better than you did in the OP. Completely agreed. Also, make sure when you tell her how you feel you have an introductory paragraph, then support it in the body and finally write up your conclusion. This format will really impress her. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2013, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/31 "2013-05-15T00:37:31Z")
> [@kayT](#): > > I think that’s very harsh. As a former college English teacher I would give it a passing grade and I didn’t see anything very egregious. I can find many samples of worse writing on this very message board, much less the rest of the internet. > > Don’t worry about your writing skills, OP. Just ask the girl out before she gets all dated up! > > ETA Oh my god, colander, we both said egregious. Heh. We should probably just be counting our blessings that **Boyo Jim** didn’t try to offer the OP any romantic advice. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2013, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/32 "2013-05-15T00:55:10Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Please PLEASE take an English composition class before you finish college. Perhaps you may be able to convey your feelings about this girl to her better than you did in the OP. Could you point out what you feel is _so_ wrong with the composition of the OP? Because I don’t know what you’re talking about. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2013, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/33 "2013-05-15T01:02:28Z")
The OP could pass a spelling and grammar test, but as a storyteller he sucks. He reads like a bright 12 year old rather than an adult. Perhaps I was overly critical given that it is considerably better than many first time posters. But I was really surprised to read that he is about to leave college rather than enter it. ---
**Author:** ![Hottius\_Maximus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3ab097/32.png) [@Hottius\_Maximus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hottius_Maximus)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2013, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/34 "2013-05-15T01:11:00Z")
Come on DNguy0: You NEVER wanted to be “just friends” with her. That being said, females are NOT romantically attracted to “nice guys” and if you are in the “Friend Zone” then chances are that’s exactly where you’ll remain. SO…you simply ask her out on a real date. Don’t give out any nonsense about how you were so hot for her way back when and blah blah blah. Simply ask her out and make sure that you tell her that this is a “REAL DATE” and NOT two “Friends” getting together. She will either respond the way you prefer…or not. If she does, great! See where it leads you but don’t smother her with silly attention that nice guys so often seem to do (I know…I used to be one). If she says she likes you “as a friend” then I suggest you tell her that such a relationship is beneath you, that you no longer waste time pretending to be friends with somebody that you are romantically attracted to, and then wish her well and then go on with your life. I realize this may not be the answer you want, but in my experience it is the best and most effective answer. Good Luck. ---
**Author:** ![dnguy0](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dnguy0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dnguy0)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2013, 8:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/35 "2013-05-15T08:00:30Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > The OP could pass a spelling and grammar test, but as a storyteller he sucks. He reads like a bright 12 year old rather than an adult. Perhaps I was overly critical given that it is considerably better than many first time posters. But I was really surprised to read that he is about to leave college rather than enter it. Admittedly, storytelling has never been my forte. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2013, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/36 "2013-05-15T08:21:52Z")
I’m going to go with what has already been said as far as not waiting around too long for her to get involved with someone else, but don’t bring up how long you’ve been interested. As tempting as it might be to just ask her to hang out, I would make sure you do word it in a way that lets her know that you consider it a date so that she can make the decision knowing that’s what it is and not just an evening with a friend. If you feel you need to maybe even acknowledge that it’s soon: “I know you’ve only been single again for a really short time, but I was wondering if you wanted to go out on a date with me? We could grab something to eat or see a movie or both?” Good luck. > [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > The OP could pass a spelling and grammar test, but as a storyteller he sucks. He reads like a bright 12 year old rather than an adult. Perhaps I was overly critical given that it is considerably better than many first time posters. But I was really surprised to read that he is about to leave college rather than enter it. Nothing like trotting out the cranky old man routine for the newbie to welcome him to the board. As far as I can tell he didn’t sign up to entertain you with a story and he didn’t ask for any advice about what you decided to vomit out on him. Way to be awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2013, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/37 "2013-05-15T13:40:53Z")
Just ask her! Have you asked her yet? ETA: If you don’t, I don’t want to hear in a month about how you were “friendzoned”. I hate that term with the fire of a thousand suns. God forbid men be friends with women! Don’t under any circumstances mope around and secretly love her from afar. We aren’t mindreaders anymore than you are! ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2013, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/38 "2013-05-15T15:08:07Z")
Should have asked her out back 4 years ago. I’m guessing that she won’t be that into you, because of your passiveness. I could be wrong. But you’ll never know unless you just go for it. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2013, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/39 "2013-05-15T15:51:17Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > If you feel you need to maybe even acknowledge that it’s soon: “I know you’ve only been single again for a really short time, but I was wondering if you wanted to go out on a date with me? We could grab something to eat or see a movie or both?” This is a very smooth way to unequivocally ask her out while giving her an easy out if she’s not ready/interested. I approve. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2013, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/40 "2013-05-15T16:01:21Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > The OP could pass a spelling and grammar test, but as a storyteller he sucks. He reads like a bright 12 year old rather than an adult. Perhaps I was overly critical given that it is considerably better than many first time posters. But I was really surprised to read that he is about to leave college rather than enter it. This is a warning for you, do not post like this again. You have been here long enough and should know how out of line this is. If you have a problem with anyone, you should also know what forum to take it by now. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291.md?page=3)