# Asking This Girl Out After Her Breakup **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 14, 2013, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291 "2013-05-14T03:55:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2013, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/41 "2013-05-15T16:11:56Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > ETA: If you don’t, I don’t want to hear in a month about how you were “friendzoned”. I hate that term with the fire of a thousand suns. God forbid men be friends with women! Well to fair, I know plenty of men that are friends with women. But most men don’t want to take a token friend position as a poor substitute for what they really want with a particular women, which is to be their dating partner/significant other. And Original Poster, your story was perfectly fine and written quite well enough. And I think I am going to have to go with the masses and say just maybe nice wine/bubbly and a toast is probably the safest way to go. Just don’t stand up on the table and shout it out to the whole establishment. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2013, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/42 "2013-05-15T16:23:28Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > For Gawds sake do something other than wait in the wings. Maybe other posters here more skilled than I (pretty much everyone else) can give you more specific advice. > > While men are supposedly the more clueless ones on whether a woman likes them, I’ve heard more than one express surprise that a guy was interested in them as well as the old thought process “well, he never asked out or made a move so I assumed he just wanted to be friends”. > > Make a move! > > When she takes yours kids, your house, your truck, your bass boat, your coon dog, your guns and half your paycheck 25 years later you’ll thank me. This, especially because you’ll probably get a bestselling country song out of it and become a millionaire and you can rub her face in it. Bitch got pwned!! ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2013, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/43 "2013-05-15T16:26:41Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Well to fair, I know plenty of men that are friends with women. But most men don’t want to take a token friend position as a poor substitute for what they really want with a particular women, which is to be their dating partner/significant other. And I don’t think they should. What I am talking about is when a man likes a woman and just…lingers around her, doing nice things for her, and letting her cry on his shoulder, in the hopes that some day she’ll realize what a great guy he is. Like I said, we are not mindreaders. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2013, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/44 "2013-05-15T16:35:06Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > The OP could pass a spelling and grammar test, but as a storyteller he sucks. He reads like a bright 12 year old rather than an adult. Perhaps I was overly critical given that it is considerably better than many first time posters. But I was really surprised to read that he is about to leave college rather than enter it. What the hell? I didn’t realize he was supposed to be entertaining us with a ‘story’. The OP conveyed exactly what it was supposed to and everyone, except apparently you, got the information needed out of it just fine. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2013, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/45 "2013-05-15T17:27:18Z")
You’re already in the friend zone, and you’ll never dig your way out. That said, ask her out. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2013, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/46 "2013-05-15T17:58:38Z")
> [@dnguy0](#): > > Eventually a lurker needs to stop lurking and speak. That time is now. Same with a boyfriend. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2013, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/47 "2013-05-15T18:10:44Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > You’re already in the friend zone, and you’ll never dig your way out. That said, ask her out. > [@me](#): > > If you don’t, I don’t want to hear in a month about how you were “friendzoned”. I hate that term with the fire of a thousand suns :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2013, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/48 "2013-05-15T18:26:30Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > You’re already in the friend zone, and you’ll never dig your way out. That said, ask her out. Agreed, but still ask her out anyways. The worst she can say is no. ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2013, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/49 "2013-05-15T19:44:21Z")
I agree with the advice of being proactive but also want to add in this extra piece of advice: It’s not good that you’re still hung up on this girl that you met back in the summer of 2009. I understand that first girl that you fall head-over-heels for is a tough one to break but you’ve got to break it - and not just by blocking her from your life. You’ve got to open yourself up to new girls and possibilities. It’ll help to hang out with a lot of girls to see what traits you like, what traits you don’t like, and it helps to take that first girl off the pedestal you’ve put her on. ---
**Author:** ![Jman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jman/32/4416_2.png) [@Jman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jman)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/50 "2013-05-16T14:38:36Z")
Your situation sounds like me and my wife. Rather than re-type the whole story, you can see the first glimmer of our romance here: [So, I like this girl....11 years later we start dating. - Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share - Straight Dope Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=131326) The point being: TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL. My wife and I danced around it for WAY too long (though, being high school, it may have been for the best). Once we finally got the stones to say something, it was (and still is) the most wonderful thing ever. We’ll have been married 10 years this coming July and our second child will be here within the next few weeks. Be bold, young man! ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/51 "2013-05-16T14:39:55Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > :mad: Well, alright, but you’re-not-getting-any-nooky-because-I-don’t-see-you-that-way-zone is kind of unwieldy. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2013, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291/52 "2013-05-16T16:42:37Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Well, alright, but you’re-not-getting-any-nooky-because-I-don’t-see-you-that-way-zone is kind of unwieldy. I’m predicting this will not be viewed as an improvement, as it still has the same “women withhold sex from all but those who follow certain mysterious rituals” vibe to it that I suspect is what **Anaamika** and others finds objectionable. It puts the blame on the women for not wanting to have sex with a person they view as a friend, rather than the man for presenting himself in an unattractive way by initially misrepresenting the kind of relationship he is interested in. If you want to sell a car, don’t cover it in dogshit and pretend it’s not for sale. And if you do, don’t blame the person you wanted to sell it to for not being interested in it even after you’ve rinsed it off and confessed that you were in fact trying to sell it to them all along. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/asking-this-girl-out-after-her-breakup/658291.md?page=2)