# Aslan/Garfield Slashfic **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 5, 2016, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aslan-garfield-slashfic/747983 "2016-03-05T06:13:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![janis\_and\_c0](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janis_and_c0/32/21_2.png) [@janis\_and\_c0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janis_and_c0)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2016, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aslan-garfield-slashfic/747983/21 "2016-03-11T22:29:16Z")
I do not know, but here is Garfield and Pooky fic… do not ask me how I know this… ---
**Author:** ![StrangeBird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e480ec/32.png) [@StrangeBird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StrangeBird)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2016, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aslan-garfield-slashfic/747983/22 "2016-03-11T22:35:04Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > Ever so slowly and tenderly they started licking their own balls. Aslan who is very old and hasn’t gotten laid in a very long time was the first to get aroused. Garfield, usually a lazy cat, is ironically a very generous and eager lover. He noticed Aslans state and quickly went over to his lover… I hate you. And we need a ‘nauseated’ emoji :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2016, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aslan-garfield-slashfic/747983/23 "2016-03-12T01:19:09Z")
My job is done. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2016, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aslan-garfield-slashfic/747983/24 "2016-03-12T01:51:41Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > Ever so slowly and tenderly they started licking their own balls. Aslan who is very old and hasn’t gotten laid in a very long time was the first to get aroused. Garfield, usually a lazy cat, is ironically a very generous and eager lover. He noticed Aslans state and quickly went over to his lover… ::slow clap:: ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2016, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aslan-garfield-slashfic/747983/25 "2016-03-12T02:03:45Z")
Oh, I read the title as Asian/Garfield Slashfic, which I’m not sure would make more sense or less. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2016, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aslan-garfield-slashfic/747983/26 "2016-03-12T19:50:03Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Yeah, ‘slashfic’, had me stumped too! I thought you’d forgotten an ‘l’, and meant slashf **l** ic, meaning movie. I was imagining slasher films! > > (Would it really have been that challenging to have added the, ‘…tion’, ending to that word, in the name of clarity?:dubious: An extra 2 seconds maybe?) “Slashfic” _is_ the common term for it. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2016, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aslan-garfield-slashfic/747983/27 "2016-03-13T03:30:47Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > “Slashfic” _is_ the common term for it. Ever so slowly and tenderly **Der Trihs** explaines to us what “Slashfic” is. And we all appreciate him for it because we realize what a generous poster he is. And we all eagerly thank him for his contributions that he gives us… ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aslan-garfield-slashfic/747983/28 "2016-03-14T08:22:07Z")
What does it say about our society if something possibly existed that just popped in your head that you don’t quite believe exists? Um. Look, if you wanted to know, why wouldn’t you go and do a search on AO3 and find out for yourself? But instead you want to sow the seed of the idea that _those_ people, those slashers and furries out there, not you, are up to something. Which you just made up. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aslan-garfield-slashfic/747983/29 "2016-03-14T15:11:48Z")
I’ll bet that if it exists, Aslan is the submissive one in the relationship. ---
**Author:** ![AngelSoft](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angelsoft/32/440_2.png) [@AngelSoft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelSoft)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aslan-garfield-slashfic/747983/30 "2016-03-14T15:57:57Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > I’ll bet that if it exists, Aslan is the submissive one in the relationship. He’d have to be or poor Garfield would be skewered. ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aslan-garfield-slashfic/747983/31 "2016-03-14T16:02:04Z")
> [@Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](#): > > Why Garfield exactly? Why not Teddy Roosevelt? It would make more sense. They could meet while Roosevelt is on safari and fall in love. This cracked me up even when I wasn’t thinking of \*President \*Garfield;the randomness just tickled me. Now it’s really making me laugh. Also, you people are strange:p ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aslan-garfield-slashfic/747983/32 "2016-03-14T17:56:40Z")
> [@AngelSoft](#): > > > [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > > > I’ll bet that if it exists, Aslan is the submissive one in the relationship. > > He’d have to be or poor Garfield would be skewered. This explains whole passages in the books in which Aslan is missing; he’s off being dominated by an obese housecat obsessed with this strange food called “lasagna.” Of course it’s much too embarrassing to tell anyone in Narnia. BTW, don’t assume that Garfield is the top in the relationship; my guess is that he’s a power bottom. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aslan-garfield-slashfic/747983/33 "2016-03-14T21:39:01Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Well, I just learned something. That is not at all what I thought “slashfic” meant. I thought it was something like “slasher fiction,” as in like a Freddy vs Jason kind of thing. Not that I really thought it through. Well, glad I learned that before I completely embarrassed myself. Especially since slashfic is usually quite erotic. It’s the type of fanfic that people make fun of people for making. There’s also something called a crack ship, which means a completely ridiculous pairing. (‘Ship’ is short for ‘romantic relationship.’ I’ve seen some pretty weird ones. Oh, and Google didn’t come up with anything, which means rule 35 takes effect. You mentioned it, so now it will be made. ---
**Author:** ![AngelSoft](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angelsoft/32/440_2.png) [@AngelSoft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelSoft)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aslan-garfield-slashfic/747983/34 "2016-03-14T21:39:41Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > This explains whole passages in the books in which Aslan is missing; he’s off being dominated by an obese housecat obsessed with this strange food called “lasagna.” Of course it’s much too embarrassing to tell anyone in Narnia. > > BTW, don’t assume that Garfield is the top in the relationship; my guess is that he’s a power bottom. You know, normally I’d agree it’s not ok to assume such things but the size difference alone makes the mechanics of it impossible. Though even with Garfield on top, that doesn’t make for a very exciting experience for Aslan. Either way you roll it, that’s not gonna be a relationship based entirely on sex. Just wouldn’t last long. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aslan-garfield-slashfic/747983/35 "2016-03-14T22:05:01Z")
Next you’re going to tell me that they exist in different universes and therefore can’t interact. Nonsense. The Multiverse allows all. And you have to remember; it’s not about sex for Aslan. He’s tired of being in charge of everything in Narnia and finds it comforting to be dominated by an obese housecat. ---
**Author:** ![AngelSoft](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angelsoft/32/440_2.png) [@AngelSoft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelSoft)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aslan-garfield-slashfic/747983/36 "2016-03-14T22:47:41Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > Next you’re going to tell me that they exist in different universes and therefore can’t interact. Nonsense. The Multiverse allows all. And you have to remember; it’s not about sex for Aslan. He’s tired of being in charge of everything in Narnia and finds it comforting to be dominated by an obese housecat. I suppose that could be one aspect of it. I won’t deny that some people don’t need actual sex to get the same sort of satisfaction. And being Jesus Lion, I’m sure Aslan could conjure up whatever form-fitting leather attire he needed for Garfield’s unique shape. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2016, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aslan-garfield-slashfic/747983/37 "2016-03-14T23:03:30Z")
No, he can’t “conjure up” a leather daddy suit for Garfield. He’s not a magician. (If you’re not going to take this seriously. . .) ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2016, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aslan-garfield-slashfic/747983/38 "2016-03-15T00:49:35Z")
Okay, the next time someone here talks about “raising the tone” and how “we use our words”, I’m going to link to this thread. I mean, c’mon, we’re talking about Aslan and Garfield having sex. You people scare me. ---
**Author:** ![Rysto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ecccb3/32.png) [@Rysto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysto)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2016, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aslan-garfield-slashfic/747983/39 "2016-03-15T01:05:34Z")
> [@chrisk](#): > > You know, I’m not entirely convinced that Rule 34 is an absolute. 😃 It’s not absolute. That’s why Rule 35 exists. “If no porn of it exists, /b/ will make it for you.” ---
**Author:** ![AngelSoft](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angelsoft/32/440_2.png) [@AngelSoft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelSoft)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2016, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aslan-garfield-slashfic/747983/40 "2016-03-15T03:09:51Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > No, he can’t “conjure up” a leather daddy suit for Garfield. He’s not a magician. (If you’re not going to take this seriously. . .) Clearly you’re the one not taking this seriously as there is nothing in the books saying that Aslan can’t create black leather outfits out of thin air. Though if you must be like that, we can just assume he’d get some local artisans to create it for him. Of course, that’s also assuming Garfield didn’t already have the suit in his own personal wardrobe. God knows he’s not just good friends with Odie. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aslan-garfield-slashfic/747983.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/aslan-garfield-slashfic/747983.md?page=3)