# Ass Gaskets **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 13, 2005, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204 "2005-04-13T23:34:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2005, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/1 "2005-04-13T23:34:42Z")
Yes, it’s yet another toilet rant. WHY do I have coworkers who PERSIST in pissing on the toilet seats at work when the company provides boxes of ass gaskets in every stall and makes sure they are stocked on a daily basis? Not to mention the two rolls of toilet paper provided in each cubicle for those with short and/or missing arms (no, I don’t really have co-workers with missing arms). WHY do we have cunts who actually use the ass gaskets then LEAVE THEM ON THE SEATS? If YOU don’t want to touch it, why would I? And - great God almighty - if you USE the damn ass gasket you should _sit down on the fucking seat_ at which point there should be neither piss nor shit on said ass gasket to soil your dainty hands, which you should be washing at the sink in the next minute anyhow. Ball that mother up and flush it! WHY do we have bitches who, despite the provided and free ass gaskets, insist on gift wrapping the toilet seat with toilet paper? Is this some sort of twisted practice for an upcoming oragami contest? What the fuck? And _flush the damn thing when you’re done_ And finally - PLEASE explain to me the lower life form who uses an ass gasket then _performs a hover piss_ getting piss not only on the ass gasket but frequently on the floor and walls of the stall. Holy fuck, do you have a sprinkler shoved up your twat? My God, the fucking _ass gasket_ isn’t clean enough for you, or do you just not know how to operate either a toilet or your own anatomy? **FUCK YOU ALL, YOU DESPICABLE BITCHES! DIE! DIE! DIE!** ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2005, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/2 "2005-04-13T23:42:55Z")
And what is it with not flushing the toilet? I went into a washroom last weekend and had to try four stalls before I found one where the last user hadn’t left something for us all to admire. And, it’s never just pee, either. There is a direct correlation between how disgusting the offering is and how likely it is to remain unflushed. Pull the handle and wash your damn hands! ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2005, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/3 "2005-04-13T23:43:41Z")
Hell yeah!! ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2005, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/4 "2005-04-13T23:45:39Z")
I always thought the (forgive me) “tongue” portion of the ass gasket was designed to hang down into the water. Then, when the user flushed, the water would carry the appendage down, dragging the rest of the ass gasket with it. Of course, the above is all predicated on the user both leaving the appendage attached to the gasket, AND flushing. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2005, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/5 "2005-04-13T23:53:30Z")
[Slight hijack] How do women who perform the “hover piss” avoid urinating on their own knickers/slacks/whatever is at their ankles? [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![LilyoftheValley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/54ee81/32.png) [@LilyoftheValley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LilyoftheValley)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2005, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/6 "2005-04-13T23:56:38Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > I always thought the (forgive me) “tongue” portion of the ass gasket was designed to hang down into the water. Then, when the user flushed, the water would carry the appendage down, dragging the rest of the ass gasket with it. > > Of course, the above is all predicated on the user both leaving the appendage attached to the gasket, AND flushing. Hmm…me too. Always worked for me! I’ve never heard them called “ass gaskets” before though. That’s much snappier than Sanitary Toilet Seat Covers. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2005, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/7 "2005-04-13T23:58:13Z")
In defense of dampness - our office once thought that someone had developed a sprinkling problem. Turned out the janitor had repositioned the new deoderant cake so that the swirl of water hit it and sprayed up. You had to stand a watch to notice, though. There was much relief when the new went out that it was water and a fixable problem. I mention this only as a public service, so that others may watch for a matching situation. That said, it doesn’t sound like that’s the problem where Broomstick is. Damn, that’s disgusting. You can’t even install a camera and an electrical shock system, because too much of that includes not touching the seat. How about a lock on the door that won’t release until you flush? No. Half of them would start flushing first, don’t ask me why. Maybe a camera and a manual release for the lock. And a little speaker, so you can say: “Oh, no. You clean that up or you stay in there.” Maybe if you added a voice shifter to make it sound like a robot, you wouldn’t get sued for having a camera in the john. Probably not. You’d get sued anyway. Damn. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/8 "2005-04-14T00:20:33Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > [Slight hijack] How do women who perform the “hover piss” avoid urinating on their own knickers/slacks/whatever is at their ankles? [/hijack] HOVER piss? I thought she said HOOVER piss, and I immediately scrolled down so I wouldn’t have to think about what that might mean. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/9 "2005-04-14T00:27:21Z")
The Hoover piss would have been that of the former president’s wife, although she may have originated and taught it to the Girl Scouts of America, an organization which she helped start. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/10 "2005-04-14T00:31:13Z")
I have never, ever understood the hoverpiss thing. Don’t these ladies realize that if nobody did the hoverpiss, nobody’d have any REASON to do the hoverpiss, because THERE WOULDN’T BE ANY GODDAMNED PISS ON THE SEAT! It’s like a paradox! By doing a hoverpiss, they CREATED the only reason you could possibly have for wanting to do a hoverpiss in the first place! Me, I just wipe the fuckin’ seat and siddown. My ass skin is impervious, and it’s not as if I’m going to go eat my lunch off it. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/11 "2005-04-14T00:34:31Z")
> [@cher3](#): > > And what is it with not flushing the toilet?..There is a direct correlation between how disgusting the offering is and how likely it is to remain unflushed. Pull the handle and wash your damn hands! How well were the toilets in question working? Some toilets don’t flush strongly enough to get rid of something particularly disgusting, especially if the person who left it used a lot of toilet paper to deal with it. Of course, that said, people who won’t sit on the seats, even with ass gaskets, and who won’t pull the handle to flush are- well, they somehow manage to be both insufferably prissy and disgusting pigs, at the same time. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/12 "2005-04-14T00:43:56Z")
I will never tire of the term ass-gasket, and I imagine my toilet rants have much the same gusto as **Broomstick’s**. I believe we are kindred spirits. And **kaylasdad99** gets kudos for referring to the tongue of the ass gasket. I heartily approve. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/13 "2005-04-14T00:46:14Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > And finally - PLEASE explain to me the lower life form who uses an ass gasket then _performs a hover piss_ getting piss not only on the ass gasket but frequently on the floor and walls of the stall. Holy fuck, do you have a sprinkler shoved up your twat? I’m absolutely convinced that some women do this. If you’re waiting to enter a stall, and you hear “fsssssssssssssht” coming from the stall instead of the sound of running water, chances are very good that the seat will be dripping with fresh pee when it’s your turn to enter. Of course, these piss-sprayers could just be women’s answer to the man with the [prehensile rectum](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=80957&highlight=prehensile+rectum). ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/14 "2005-04-14T00:57:44Z")
Try living in a city where you’re practically encouraged _not_ to flush. I personally say that the chronic water shortage in NM is not _that_ bad. _shudder_ Flush the damn toilet (Yes, I’m talking to _ **you** _, Evil Junior Down The Hall!) ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/15 "2005-04-14T01:05:02Z")
I still prefer the term “cowboy hat” as in the message I once saw written on the dispenser at work: “Free cowboy hat! Take one!” ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/16 "2005-04-14T01:09:18Z")
I’d wonder if **Broomstick** works where I do, except that I work in a hospital and so I know a lot of the people pulling this stunt are patients and their families. Our bathrooms are cleaned two to three times a day - the seats are pretty damned clean until bitches like this decide their asses are too dainty to even be properly protected with an assgasket. One woman did manage to somehow hose down not only the seat but part of a stall wall, as well as the floor next to the seat. Either that, or she was playing in the water and splashing it everywhere… :eek: And who the hell decided a half-peeled and uneaten **orange** should be disposed of in the toilet? I called housekeeping to deal with it, as I wasn’t going to risk someone thinking it’d flush down. I do know of one toilet on our floor that flushes too intensely and will spritz water on the seat, but the rest… ugh. Man, I don’t care if you use an assgasket or toilet paper or whatever, just friggin’ use it and flush it when you’re done. ---
**Author:** ![OleOneEye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f14d63/32.png) [@OleOneEye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OleOneEye)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/17 "2005-04-14T01:20:22Z")
> [@Jenaroph](#): > > IBy doing a hoverpiss, they CREATED the only reason you could possibly have for wanting to do a hoverpiss in the first place! I always thought the hoverpiss was to avoid catching crabs/whatever VD mama warned you you’d catch from a toilet seat. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/18 "2005-04-14T01:29:53Z")
It is entirely plausible that you are reading the only page on the entire Internet to delve into the micturitional habits of Lou Henry Hoover! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/19 "2005-04-14T02:57:10Z")
> [@Ferret Herder](#): > > And who the hell decided a half-peeled and uneaten **orange** should be disposed of in the toilet? One summer in high school, I was the sanitation engineer at a YMCA camp. It never ceased to amaze me what those kids would try to flush down the crapper, including light bulbs, pine cones, and entire rolls of TP. And what is up with the women who flush with the sole of their shoe, leaving restroom floor scuz on the handle? ---
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/20 "2005-04-14T03:18:27Z")
> [@](#): > > **dances with cats** said: > How do women who perform the “hover piss” avoid urinating on their own knickers/slacks/whatever is at their ankles? You went shooting with me. It’s quite easy. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204.md?page=2)