# Ass Gaskets **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 13, 2005, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204 "2005-04-13T23:34:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Briny\_Deep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/briny_deep/32/17188_2.png) [@Briny\_Deep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Briny_Deep)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/21 "2005-04-14T06:29:38Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > Holy fuck, do you have a sprinkler shoved up your twat? This here, is equal to “prehensile rectum,” madam. My hat is off. ---
**Author:** ![zagloba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/977dab/32.png) [@zagloba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zagloba)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 8:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/22 "2005-04-14T08:55:28Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > I always thought the (forgive me) “tongue” portion of the ass gasket was designed to hang down into the water. Then, when the user flushed, the water would carry the appendage down, dragging the rest of the ass gasket with it. > > Of course, the above is all predicated on the user both leaving the appendage attached to the gasket, AND flushing. Well, if you wet the ass gasket down well with piss, it does defeat this mechanism. > [@Fear Itself](#): > > And what is up with the women who flush with the sole of their shoe, leaving restroom floor scuz on the handle? I was in a class with a (rather tall) guy who flushed the _urinal_ with his foot. Don’t think I can lift my foot that high without falling over. He also opened the door with a paper towel. Perhaps he has ambitions to be the next Howard Hughes. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Badger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/848f3c/32.png) [@Dead\_Badger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Badger)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/23 "2005-04-14T09:26:29Z")
As an unenlightened furriner who has never had occasion to use an ass gasket, I have to ask about this hangy down tongue thing. If it’s supposed to hang down into the water, doesn’t that mean that, while putting the gasket to good use, one is aware of a steadily rising column of capillarily propelled toilet-water advancing inexorably on one’s ass? I don’t believe I would like that one bit; the pressure would be unbearable. On the other hand, the expression “shit or get off the pot” would make a lot more sense in the unexpurgated “shit or get off the pot before the HORROR RISES UP AND BEFOULS YOU, DEAR GOD IT’S _NEARLY HERE_” version… ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/24 "2005-04-14T09:59:46Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > [Slight hijack] How do women who perform the “hover piss” avoid urinating on their own knickers/slacks/whatever is at their ankles? [/hijack] By the time they get done pissing on everything else there’s none left to get on themselves. Hell, for all I know they DO get piss on themselves - it’s not like I inspect my co-workers or anything. > [@kaylasdad99](#): > > I always thought the (forgive me) “tongue” portion of the ass gasket was designed to hang down into the water. Then, when the user flushed, the water would carry the appendage down, dragging the rest of the ass gasket with it. > > Of course, the above is all predicated on the user both leaving the appendage attached to the gasket, AND flushing. The other problem, aside from this not working with piss-soaked ass gaskets, is that some low-flow toilets either have water levels so low as to not engage the tongue, or fail to generate enough force to pull the whole thing down. > [@Yllaria](#): > > In defense of dampness - our office once thought that someone had developed a sprinkling problem. Turned out the janitor had repositioned the new deoderant cake so that the swirl of water hit it and sprayed up. You had to stand a watch to notice, though. There was much relief when the new went out that it was water and a fixable problem I’d _like_ to believe that, but the water in our building is neither yellow nor red nor brown. ---
**Author:** ![singular1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ba9def/32.png) [@singular1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/singular1)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/25 "2005-04-14T12:06:48Z")
> [@Dead Badger](#): > > As an unenlightened furriner who has never had occasion to use an ass gasket, I have to ask about this hangy down tongue thing. If it’s supposed to hang down into the water, doesn’t that mean that, while putting the gasket to good use, one is aware of a steadily rising column of capillarily propelled toilet-water advancing inexorably on one’s ass? I don’t believe I would like that one bit; the pressure would be unbearable. > > On the other hand, the expression “shit or get off the pot” would make a lot more sense in the unexpurgated “shit or get off the pot before the HORROR RISES UP AND BEFOULS YOU, DEAR GOD IT’S _NEARLY HERE_” version… Fortunately, the ass gaskets are made of a non-absorbant tissue paper that has no wicking properties. Which also adds to the problem of not being pulled into the crapper when flushed. It’s a vicious cycle-er, gasket… ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/26 "2005-04-14T13:04:50Z")
> [@Dead Badger](#): > > “shit or get off the pot before the HORROR RISES UP AND BEFOULS YOU, DEAR GOD IT’S _NEARLY HERE_” I’d like to state for the record that this sentence is the greatest achievement of humankind to date. ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/27 "2005-04-14T18:27:45Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > How do women who perform the “hover piss” avoid urinating on their own knickers/slacks/whatever is at their ankles? > [@catsix](#): > > You went shooting with me. It’s quite easy. Wait… **danceswithcats** watched **catsix** pee? ---
**Author:** ![Dob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Dob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dob)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/28 "2005-04-14T19:00:33Z")
> [@](#): > > Wait… danceswithcats watched catsix pee? Great! Now I have a mental image of two women in a stall, one hovering and the other one kneeling down to watch the pee!!! gaaaahh! ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/29 "2005-04-14T19:27:42Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > PLEASE explain to me the lower life form who uses an ass gasket then _performs a hover piss_… Harrier pilot? > [@Broomstick](#): > > … some low-flow toilets either have water levels so low as to not engage the tongue, or fail to generate enough force to pull the whole thing down. Man, if there ever was a sentance that simply screamed “Take Me Out Of Context!” ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/30 "2005-04-14T19:42:42Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > WHY do we have bitches who, despite the provided and free ass gaskets, insist on gift wrapping the toilet seat with toilet paper? Is this some sort of twisted practice for an upcoming oragami contest? What the fuck? And flush the damn thing when you’re done We have a guy here who has a habit of using what appears to be _half a roll_ of toilet paper, which has a tendency to clog the toilet if flushed all at once. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/31 "2005-04-14T19:51:20Z")
> [@Tentacle Monster](#): > > Wait… **danceswithcats** watched **catsix** pee? If memory serves, **danceswithcats** is a male of the species. Some people aren’t shy. It is possible for a woman to squat and pee without befouling one’s pants or shoes. It just takes strong leg muscles and moderatly good balance. Any woman who’s been backpacking can attest it’s really not that difficult. ---
**Author:** ![5que](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/3bc359/32.png) [@5que](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5que)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/32 "2005-04-14T19:57:20Z")
> [@Dob](#): > > Great! Now I have a mental image of two women in a stall, one hovering and the other one kneeling down to watch the pee!!! gaaaahh! Okay, now I’m turned on. Usually I have to watch German porn to get this way… \ The guys I work with never flush the urinals either. ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/33 "2005-04-14T20:27:33Z")
**broomstick** , thank you! You’ve hit on one of my top ten pet peeves. I have a mind to post your rant in our ladies room (with some judicious editing, of course). I will definitely leave in the term ass gasket, though. Oh, and along with the droplets, movements, toilet tissue and said gaskets, may I add what really gaks me out is the disgusting used tampon floater? :eek: 😛😛😛 ---
**Author:** ![1010011010](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/ea666f/32.png) [@1010011010](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/1010011010)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/34 "2005-04-15T03:30:49Z")
Interesting thing about women’s bathrooms… So, yeah, I’m in the military, and everybody ends up standing in as a janitor or a groundskeeper or a security guard at some point. So, I’ve cleaned a lot of restrooms… which, I assure you, was the entire reason I joined up. Fuck that money for college thing. Defending freedom? BAH! To my recruiter I sez, I sez, “But do I get to clean up other people’s shit?” But that’s another rant entirely. Even though the male to female ratio was, optimistically, 100:1, even though through some architectural quirk the women had the same number of bathrooms, the female heads were always worse than the males’. And I’m not even taking into account the women that think smearing blood all over the stall walls is somehow a superior method than washing their fucking hands after they change a pad/tampon. The guys? They tended to suck at paper towel basketball and not bother to pick up their missed shots. If you can’t aim the damn thing, why would you ever entertain the notion of standing up to pee? ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/35 "2005-04-15T03:41:33Z")
> [@1010011010](#): > > And I’m not even taking into account the women that think smearing blood all over the stall walls is somehow a superior method than washing their fucking hands after they change a pad/tampon. As a female, I’ve never felt compelled to do this, nor have I ever experienced a situation that would cause blood to spontaneously coat the walls. But I agree – with the exception of high school situations\*, women’s restrooms are consistently worse than men’s. During a trip with my parents, we stopped at the Virginia Welcome Center/Rest Stop on I-95 north (just past the NC border). I accompanied my mom to the women’s room, since it was about 5 AM and she wasn’t comfortable walking in alone. One of the first stalls we encountered looked like a murder scene; blood filled the toilet, spattered the floor, streaked on the walls…I have no clue how someone could produce that amount of blood in one sitting and still be able to walk out. - I personally saw a urinal that had been shat in. I was informed that it was a very normal occurance at the school. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/36 "2005-04-15T04:38:23Z")
> [@The Devil's Grandmother](#): > > If memory serves, **danceswithcats** is a male of the species. Some people aren’t shy. > It is possible for a woman to squat and pee without befouling one’s pants or shoes. It just takes strong leg muscles and moderatly good balance. Any woman who’s been backpacking can attest it’s really not that difficult. Thank you **Devil’s Grandmother** for the clarification. Having had a penis for almost 50 years, I’m comfy with my gender. 😉 Regarding that wild child **catsix** , I knew she went off to cop a squat, but **Airman Doors** and I kept on shooting. No, you pervs, we were shooting with our pistols, as in handguns. We didn’t watch the lady while she watered State Gamelands. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/37 "2005-04-15T10:16:18Z")
I’ve occassionally unloaded about the hover-pissers as well. All I gotta say is, if a gal can suspend her ass a significant hieght over the bowl and _still_ get everything into said bowl, or at least clean up all traces of her presence before she leaves, I don’t give a damn. I mean, how would I even know? There are women who claim that they can use men’s urinals while standing - if they _can_ without power-washing the walls more power to them. Frankly, I don’t care if a woman stands on her head to piss, as long as all emissions wind up where they’re supposed to be and not anywhere/everywhere else. I mean, that’s the whole _point_, isn’t it? To get all bodily wastes into the toilet bowl, right? Shit, piss, blood, snot, used toothpaste, whatever. It all goes in the little round bowl - NOT on the seat, NOT on the wals, NOT on the floor or ceiling or doorknob or toilet paper dispenser or the lightbulbs or anywhere else. Why do people have a problem with that concept? ---
**Author:** ![Eleusis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Eleusis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eleusis)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204/38 "2005-04-15T10:23:36Z")
> [@Jeep's Phoenix](#): > > - I personally saw a urinal that had been shat in. I was informed that it was a very normal occurance at the school. Consider yourself lucky that [urinalpoop.org](http://urinalpoop.org) seems to be recently defunct. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ass-gaskets/299204.md?page=1)