# Assholes at the gym: A "What would you do?" and "Here's what I did" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 14, 2010, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assholes-at-the-gym-a-what-would-you-do-and-heres-what-i-did/553744 "2010-09-14T17:26:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assholes-at-the-gym-a-what-would-you-do-and-heres-what-i-did/553744/41 "2010-09-14T20:06:44Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Yes, it seems likely to me that the gym gained ten new customers via word of mouth by people talking about how awesome the staff is and how they keep following you around the equipment and asking if you need help after you have told them “no” several times. That is probably exactly what happened. Women tend to really love this sort of behavior. I mean, we are saying, “No, I don’t need help,” but what we really mean is, “Wow, I am so flattered that you are giving me this attention - you must think I am insanely hot. I will tell you I don’t need help a few more times so that I can enjoy the sensation of being followed around the gym and being asked repeatedly if I really do want some help.” I don’t know what it is about some guys, who have this ability to read about behavior like this that seems to me to have easily crossed the line into stalking, and reimagine it as just being friendly and attentive. Even though I’m a guy, I don’t see anything friendly about this degree of overattention. It’s definitely hostile. [QUOTE=MeanOldLady] I feel how I feel. [/QUOTE] That’s the bottom line. You’re the only one living inside your skin, experiencing what you experience. If you’re going to continue to be uncomfortable there, then you leave. It doesn’t matter whether you can intellectually justify how you feel. In something like this, your feelings are the only reality that counts. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assholes-at-the-gym-a-what-would-you-do-and-heres-what-i-did/553744/42 "2010-09-14T20:09:15Z")
'Tis a different world out there for women. (I probably shouldn’t continue texting in the car.) ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assholes-at-the-gym-a-what-would-you-do-and-heres-what-i-did/553744/43 "2010-09-14T20:09:35Z")
I have a girl at the front desk of my gym that has a crush on me and has taken my membership info to track me down on Facebook. I just smile at her when I come into the gym while my friends laugh at how awkward it is. I’ve never had anyone hassle me while I was working out but I’d probably treat it the same way just ignore them and be friendly when I had to talk to them. An uncomfortable situation isn’t enough for me to leave a gym that I picked over other gyms for valid reasons (location, equipment, price). I guess if there were two gyms across the street from each other that were exactly identical I’d leave but I’ve never seen that happen. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assholes-at-the-gym-a-what-would-you-do-and-heres-what-i-did/553744/44 "2010-09-14T20:11:08Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > 'Tis a different world out there for women. (I probably shouldn’t continue texting in the car.) I don’t know if it’s a man/woman thing, though. If you went to the golf course and an employee asked you if you wanted help and you said no because you really didn’t and they basically followed you out, you wouldn’t consider that irritating and/or unprofessional? ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assholes-at-the-gym-a-what-would-you-do-and-heres-what-i-did/553744/45 "2010-09-14T20:15:53Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > Should have told them you’re a post-op transsexual, that’ll get them off your back 😉 I do have a deep voice for a chick. > [@Lanzy](#): > > I would have very firmly told one to slide the fucking card and leave me alone, then never spoke to them again. > > I would have told two that he was a jerk and I did not want to ever work out with him again, and never spoke to them again. > > Unless I really hated working out there, then I would have quit, but I would not have been made to quit by being uncomfortable. The bad part is both these guys are at the front desk, so they are hard to avoid. Every time I checked in, I would have felt awkward if I had yelled “Shut the fuck up!” at them. I mean, what would I do? Hand them my card in silence? It’s just too weird. I guess people’s comfort levels are different. Typically I don’t mind telling people to shut their pie holes, but it’s not as kosher when dealing with people I have to see all the time. I guess nobody really _has_ to go to the gym, but I _do_ go, and that’s the one I’d been going to for about a year. Well, I guess I’m going to a different one now. > [@Meatros](#): > > MOL - Was the guy at the front counter who followed you to your gym equipment a personal trainer? You know, I don’t know, he might be. He’s insanely fit, but then again everyone who works there is. Edit @ **Slit** : I know, right? I hardly see how this is a man/woman thing. I guess the flirtatious part with Asshole 1 maybe, but Asshole 2 was just straight up _pestering_ me. Gods, that has got to annoy anyone of any gender in any setting. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assholes-at-the-gym-a-what-would-you-do-and-heres-what-i-did/553744/46 "2010-09-14T20:18:45Z")
It’s a gym thing, too. I hate gyms because you can’t get away from anybody. I have had more instances of people following me around asking me stupid shit than not. So the gym bosses do tell their employees to do it, and it drives me fucking bonkers. I posted “complain” but I came in to post “quit and complain”. But I see on reading that the OP already did that. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assholes-at-the-gym-a-what-would-you-do-and-heres-what-i-did/553744/47 "2010-09-14T20:21:15Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > Quit, then strangle them both (use a garrote if your upper body strength really isn’t up to it), and then bill the management for taking care of their problem employees. Plus you’ve helped a little bit with your local unemployment stats. Please leave the evil-advice-giving to me, Lynn. I don’t tell people how to make homemade Tootsie Rolls. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assholes-at-the-gym-a-what-would-you-do-and-heres-what-i-did/553744/48 "2010-09-14T20:22:10Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > > [@Leaffan](#): > > > > 'Tis a different world out there for women. (I probably shouldn’t continue texting in the car.) > > I don’t know if it’s a man/woman thing, though. If you went to the golf course and an employee asked you if you wanted help and you said no because you really didn’t and they basically followed you out, you wouldn’t consider that irritating and/or unprofessional? No. I’ve got many other things to fret anout than overzealous employees. It is a male/female thing, in my mind anyway. 2 minutes to course. Bye. ---
**Author:** ![Blaster\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assholes-at-the-gym-a-what-would-you-do-and-heres-what-i-did/553744/49 "2010-09-14T20:30:06Z")
Gyms seem to, in general, attract more of these types of guys than many other sorts of places. And while the gym is probably not well managed if they can have two employees behaving like that and, thus, you probably should quit and go elsewhere, I wouldn’t be terribly surprise that, unless you go to a women’s only gym, you won’t run into similar behavior at the new place. That said, I still think you should complain, no so much in an attempt to stay there, or to get them fired to save them customers, but so other women don’t have to deal with that kind of BS. That said, being aware that a lot of men will stalk or flirt with or otherwise bother women at the gym, while they’re just trying to get their workout in, I can imagine how frustrating it can be. I imagine part of it is the generally macho atmosphere, and also that the sorts of clothes that are most comfortable and least intrusive for working out can also give the false impression that she’s looking for attention. As such, where one can have reasonable expectations about a woman by herself at a club or a bar, those expectations are not the same at the gym, and so I consider flirting under those circumstances to generally be rude, and won’t do so. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assholes-at-the-gym-a-what-would-you-do-and-heres-what-i-did/553744/50 "2010-09-14T20:34:34Z")
I’m not a woman, so I don’t have the same concerns, but there have been personal trainers who want me as thei8r client. The progression is [ol][li]“No thank you.”[/li][li]No thanks".[/li][li]“No”.[/li][li]“ **NO** ”.[/li][li]“Don’t interrupt me when I am working out”.[/li][li]Complain to management. If they do nothing but talk[/li][li]Quit[/ol][/li] Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assholes-at-the-gym-a-what-would-you-do-and-heres-what-i-did/553744/51 "2010-09-14T20:35:14Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > No. I’ve got many other things to fret anout than overzealous employees. It is a male/female thing, in my mind anyway. 2 minutes to course. Bye. I’m sure **MOL** has a lot of important things to worry about too and a busy life. That’s pretty much why she said she’s leaving this gym–because her life is busy and the gm is for a work out, not for socializing. As she said, it’s obnoxious that one of them is flirty but when she hasn’t asked for help and a guy comes over to the elliptical to talk to her, that’s just rude. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assholes-at-the-gym-a-what-would-you-do-and-heres-what-i-did/553744/52 "2010-09-14T20:39:29Z")
> [@Lanzy](#): > > I would have very firmly told one to slide the fucking card and leave me alone, then never spoke to them again. > > I would have told two that he was a jerk and I did not want to ever work out with him again, and never spoke to them again. I’m not calling you a bitch. But I _am_ saying I have always greatly admired a bold, stone-cold bitch. That’s all I’m sayin’. ---
**Author:** ![Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7cd45c/32.png) [@Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glory)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assholes-at-the-gym-a-what-would-you-do-and-heres-what-i-did/553744/53 "2010-09-14T20:49:09Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > > [@MsWhatsit](#): > > > > I’d have quit but told the management why I quit. > > I did. > > > [@](#): > > > > And can I just say that that, “Come on, are you in a bad mood? Smile!” bullshit makes me completely insane with rage. If I fucking wanted to smile, then I would be smiling, wouldn’t I? I’m always tempted to respond to that by saying, “Actually I was just diagnosed with cancer” or “Well, my children just burned in a fire” or something to that effect. > > This is too funny. I think my default reaction to “Smile!” is now “My mom just died.” This kind of happened to me on an airport shuttle. I had landed in San Antonio and was taking the Avis shuttle to pick up a rental car. I was headed to my dear stepfather’s memorial the next day. The shuttle driver was a chatty type and kept talking about what FUN San Antonio is and what FUN I would have. I was still in “almost tears” mode with grief and didn’t feel like making small talk. I kept trying to read my book and wasn’t really responding and he kept BUGGING ME. I finally said “hey, I’m sure San Antonio is fun, but I’m here for a funeral.” (I mean, normally I’m not about laying that kind of personal sad info on strangers just making conversation). The guy still wouldn’t shut up about San Antonio as the THE PARTY CAPITOL of Texas! I really wanted to complain - I don’t really remember the exact conversation but I remember thinking he was TACTLESS and ANNOYING. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assholes-at-the-gym-a-what-would-you-do-and-heres-what-i-did/553744/54 "2010-09-14T20:52:34Z")
I would have just quit, too. Someone else can do the social crusading that may or may not improve conditions at this gym; I would just walk away. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assholes-at-the-gym-a-what-would-you-do-and-heres-what-i-did/553744/55 "2010-09-14T21:07:20Z")
I would have complained, and had it not been taken care of, escalated it to the next level, ie a manager of some sort. If I had to escalate it, I would have demanded a credit on my account. This of course is worthless at the GloboGyms of the world, there nobody gives a shit cause they have no stake in its survival (like Gold’s, 24 hour fitness, and our new terrible Urban Active), but I find my complaints are addressed quickly and the staff much more professional and even courteous at gyms that are on a much smaller scale. My gym was closed for Rosh Hashanah, so I tried out a new gym, which I considered switching over to once my SO leaves the city (the couples membership is inexplicably only $15 more than an individual). The spinning class was full, so I was directed to an abs class by the staff. I waited around 20 minutes for a class that was on the schedule that had been canceled for over a **month**. And I was met with blank stares when I told the front desk that not only was the class canceled today, but it had been for a month. I don’t think anyone even scratched it off the schedule or made a sign to prop up so people could see it as they walked in. I’m actually surprised they let you quit **Mean Old Lady** if you were under contract. Did you have to pay a cancellation fee, or were you month to month to begin with? You don’t have to be a social crusader to give people a chance to clean up their act. Changing your schedule is more of a hassle than it needs to be, so I’d personally work to correct the current gym, especially when it seems like the problem is just a couple of people. Certainly if the problem is systemic and people are rude or invasive overall, it’s not worth mentioning a thing. ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assholes-at-the-gym-a-what-would-you-do-and-heres-what-i-did/553744/56 "2010-09-14T21:22:27Z")
I said “Something Else” because quitting is OK; but you should also have complained. Either by letter or in person when you quit, it doesn’t matter. If you and a friend both got the bad vibe then there’s more of you out there. By complaining you’re helping out the next person that’s annoyed with that shit. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assholes-at-the-gym-a-what-would-you-do-and-heres-what-i-did/553744/57 "2010-09-14T21:24:34Z")
> [@Enright3](#): > > I said “Something Else” because quitting is OK; but you should also have complained. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assholes-at-the-gym-a-what-would-you-do-and-heres-what-i-did/553744/58 "2010-09-14T21:31:50Z")
> [@Blaster\_Master](#): > > Gyms seem to, in general, attract more of these types of guys than many other sorts of places. And while the gym is probably not well managed if they can have two employees behaving like that and, thus, you probably should quit and go elsewhere, I wouldn’t be terribly surprise that, unless you go to a women’s only gym, you won’t run into similar behavior at the new place. Indeed. One of the responses to this from my friend was “Guys at gyms are assholes.” A bit of a broad brush, but funny and not terribly wrong. I was already working out at YWCA as it is. Don’t tell me I’m going to have to start going to Curves. [quote=“Shodan, post:50, topic:553744”] The progression is [ol][li]“No thank you.”[/li][li]No thanks".[/li][li]“No”.[/li][li]“ **NO** ”.[/li][li]“Don’t interrupt me when I am working out”.[/li][li]Complain to management. If they do nothing but talk[/li][li]Quit[/ol][/li][/QUOTE] See, I was with you until the end. I guess I’m being a giant baby, because once I’m so bothered that I need to complain, I don’t want to go back anymore. I don’t want to stay and see if management improves things. I want to leave, so I combined the last and second to last step into one. > [@lindsaybluth](#): > > I’m actually surprised they let you quit **Mean Old Lady** if you were under contract. Did you have to pay a cancellation fee, or were you month to month to begin with? > > You don’t have to be a social crusader to give people a chance to clean up their act. Changing your schedule is more of a hassle than it needs to be, so I’d personally work to correct the current gym, especially when it seems like the problem is just a couple of people. The membership lady asked me repeatedly if there was anything she could do. I told her she can tell the two to knock it off, but at this point, I feel so uncomfortable with them, that I would not be coming back. Then the manager e-mailed me twice asking me to talk to her about it, and in her second e-mail she said she promised she wasn’t going to try to sales pitch me into changing my mind. She really wanted to talk to me about what these a-holes were doing. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assholes-at-the-gym-a-what-would-you-do-and-heres-what-i-did/553744/59 "2010-09-14T21:35:12Z")
Oh I meant the social crusader thing in regards to what Cat Whisperer said, not you. But of course underlying unease should be avoided, especially if you don’t think it could improve. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2010, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assholes-at-the-gym-a-what-would-you-do-and-heres-what-i-did/553744/60 "2010-09-14T21:42:44Z")
I thought that’s what you meant. That reminds me, I forgot to respond to the rest of your post. There are a lot of gyms by where I live and work where I can go to, so I won’t have to change my schedule at all. I chose the YWCA in an attempt to avoid douchey gym guys, and that didn’t go over well. Who knew the douchey gym guys would be on the staff! Maybe I will have to go to Curves. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assholes-at-the-gym-a-what-would-you-do-and-heres-what-i-did/553744.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assholes-at-the-gym-a-what-would-you-do-and-heres-what-i-did/553744.md?page=4)