Pablo Picasso never got called an asshole.
Not like you.
– thanx and a tip of the hat to Jonathan Richman
Why does everyone have it in for the poor nether sphincter? What does your asshole do that bugs you? You want maybe it should STOP?
Designated Optional Signature at Bottom of Post
George Carlin, on one of his albums, had a game-show: Asshole, Jerk-Off or Fuckup in which you had to label a person with one of those three insults based on their actions. Pretty funny stuff.
“He’s a jerk-off! A jerk-off!”
“No, I’m sorry. He’s a fuckup.”
daniel p bostaph said to become an asshole you could vote republican
or you could post in glaring red type.
Oh, poo, was that a really asshole thing for me to post?
UncleBeer, I’m sorry, but I have the P.J. O’Rourke quotation right here in front of me. It’s “The Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work and then they get elected and prove it.”
I think we are all assigned an asshole the moment we are born. That is, a personal asshole, one created along the lines of a guardian angel; one who will follow us from cradle to grave, infecting our lives with grief and heartache.
One’s personal asshole can use, at will, any of the human bodies we encounter in our temporal existence; he may be the driver in front of you, the surly postal clerk eyeing you with malice aforethought, or the politician who is busy spending your retirement stipend on frivolous military hardware. The PA can infect your own father or mother, aunts and uncles; the AH can be extant and active in many bodies simultaneously. It is an equal opportunity asshole. It respects no boundaries or bonds of the flesh; frequently, your personal asshole can be found spending all his free time rounding out the personality of the life mate you have chosen - and then switches instantaneously to the lawyer persona your mate has selected to represent them.
The personal asshole has a fondness for infecting drunks and boobs of all stripes. There is no limit to the omnipresence and omnipotence of your asshole; he can work miracles and knows your likes and dislikes oh, so well. He can offend you and cause you to foam at the mouth for infractions other people might laugh off and deem trivial, but NO! Your asshole knows better and he will nibble you to death with minor and major annoyances alike, all the days of your life.
The Asshole is a shape-changer; he can be the stupid fucking hammer you hit your thumb with, the window you thoughtfully painted shut last week, or the college degree you willfully and wantonly threw away to go live with that slut you fell in love with so many years ago. Indeed, the ghost of asshole past is one of the favored devices. The torture of knowing your personal asshole has taken control of vast aspects of your own past, distant and recent is an never-ending source of amusement for these entitites.
And let us not forget: not only can our own PA’s infect others at will, we ourselves are subject to completely unconscious control and manipulation by other people’s PA’s. Sometimes our actions are dictated by a consortium of other people’s PA’s and we become the object of ire for, seemingly, an entire subclass of the population. So, say not “Nickrz is an asshole” or “The President of the United States is a sexual predator-type asshole” but look inside yourself for signs your own asshole has been hard at work making sure every facet of your day-to-day life is fulsome and copiously awash in assholedom.
Like a Terminator, the Asshole will never give up. They can’t give up. It’s an Immutable Law of the Universe. The asshole will be there when those stupid-assed doctors throw up their hands and begin harvesting your organs while you silently scream “I’m not DONE with them yet!”
Believe it. This theory was perhaps written by your very own personal asshole.
Have a nice day!
And here I thought this thread was going to be about hot dogs…
A very thoughtful and senstive post, Nick.
Hey, I scored some PRIMO assholio yesterday, man. From Donnie Trump’s personal dealer. Meet me in the back stall and let’s do it up!
Uke
Yep, you are correct matt, I looked it up when I got home the other night. I copied the entire thing down to bring into work today so I could correct myself and of course I forgot it. Boy do I feel like an asshole.
“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” - Humphrey Bogart
Ahh, here’s the remainder of that P.J. quote.
“Democrats are…the party that says government can make you richer, smarter, taller and get the chickweed out of your lawn. Republicans are the party that says government doesn’t work, and then they get elected to prove it.”
- P.J. O’Rourke
IIRC, George Carlin did another skit in which he explained that the amount of an Asshole a person can be is directly proportional to the distance between you and he.
Example #1: A guy in a Ferrari blows by you at 95 on the freeway. Now that guy is an ASSHOLE!
Example #2: A guy five rows in front of you at a ball game is drunk and refuses to sit down and shut up. That guy is an Asshole.
Example #3: A guy in front of you on line at Wendys’ takes forever to make up his mind while the line gets longer and longer. That guy is an asshole.
Diver saidth:
I’m sorry, that’s incorrect. The correct labeling is as follows:
An assholes anyone driving slower than you.
A fool is anyone driving faster than you.
My apologies to the comedian who first said this.
I think all overbearing males over 30 are well on their way to aashole. We could take a game show contestant panel and if we had them interview guests and label them as assholes, they would ne pretty consistent.
Sometimes we have to put up with assholes.Pablo Picasso never got called an asshole.As was stated. So we allow very talented assholes to have leading roles in some fields. But they have to be quite talented. In fact, I think many professors have to be assholes to succeed.