# Assignment : Kwijibo Explains It All **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 30, 2002, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647 "2002-11-30T17:34:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2002, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/1 "2002-11-30T17:34:41Z")
Have a question? Is it too lowbrow to bother Cecil with? Don’t want to ask your friends for fear of losing them? Friend, your problems are SOLVED! SOLVED, I SAY! You can ask **Kwijibo**! Kwijibo, master of all trades, jack of none, stands ready to assist you with your queries! He is, ladies and gentlemen, the Rain Man of the boards. Definitely, yeah. So, unburden yourselves of your quandries, bring your questions to Kwijibo! [sub]The views and ideas expressed in this thread are the sole fault of Kwijibo. Take with food. Do not drink milk without nose protection. Do not allow Kwijibo to have a hammer, or he’ll keep you awake all night long.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2002, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/2 "2002-11-30T17:36:02Z")
Kwijibo, Since you are the Grand Explainer, please help me to understand this: What are the benefits of a remote car starter? Your Fiend, Mr. Cynical ---
**Author:** ![ResIpsaLoquitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b3f665/32.png) [@ResIpsaLoquitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ResIpsaLoquitor)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2002, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/3 "2002-11-30T17:37:25Z")
Kwijibo, Is it right to buy a Chrysler? (I couldn’t resist.) ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2002, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/4 "2002-11-30T17:47:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. Cynical \* > \*\*Kwijibo, > > Since you are the Grand Explainer, please help me to understand this: > > What are the benefits of a remote car starter?\*\* Some would say it is sort of a status symbol, (“Hey ladies, look what I can do.”) or, for people of colder climes, it is to give their car a chance to warm up before they place there butts on the cold vinyl. I have personally found it useful for blowing up the cars as a prank. A slight modification, and _BOOM_. Oh the fun! What an explosive display! (The owner of the car doesn’t get hurt at all, so you can rest easy. Why would he? He wouldn’t be in it…he has a remote starter after all. 🙂 ) ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2002, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/5 "2002-11-30T17:51:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ResIpsaLoquitor \* > \*\*Is it right to buy a Chrysler? > > (I couldn’t resist.) \*\* Oh, yes! For great is the car with power steering and dynaflow suspension! (Need a remote starter? 😃 ) (I’m glad you posed that as an ethical question. 🙂 ) ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2002, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/6 "2002-11-30T18:39:04Z")
**Kwyjibo** , why are boobies so fascinating? ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2002, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/7 "2002-11-30T18:55:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hardygrrl \* > \*\ ***Kwyjibo** , why are boobies so fascinating? \*\* To men? Mostly because we don’t have them, but really: [ul][li]They are the ultimate paradox. In the right conditions, they are soft, and hard at the same time. [/li][li]They are multifunctional. They are give nutrients to babies and pleasure to whom ever else you let play with them![/li][li]When the nipples get hard, there is no greater fun than putting them into your eyes![/li][li]They can be held onto when spooning. (And at other times, but this is a family board.)[/li][li]When they are squished together, they look like one BIG boobie![/li][/ul]There are many other reasons, but words just won’t do it…come’ere, I’ll show ya… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2002, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/8 "2002-11-30T19:07:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kwyjibo \* > There are many other reasons, but words just won’t do it…come’ere, I’ll show ya… > > 😃 \*\* Dammit, I’m an honest woman now! No groping! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2002, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/9 "2002-11-30T19:10:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hardygrrl \* > \*\*Dammit, I’m an honest woman now! No groping! 😃 \*\* It’s for scientific reasons, of course. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2002, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/10 "2002-11-30T19:37:27Z")
Dear **Kwyjibo** : Recently, as you may have noticed if you’ve clicked on a thread that looks suspiciously like bestiality (but is far from it:)), you’ll have read that **fizzy** and I are engaged. My parents know and are cool with it and such. Her parents … well, they are a different story. How do we tell them? flashcards? One of them airplane smoke writers? Or do we just eventually send an invite to our tenth wedding anniversary? ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2002, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/11 "2002-11-30T19:56:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by iampunha \* > \*\*How do we tell them? flashcards? One of them airplane smoke writers? Or do we just eventually send an invite to our tenth wedding anniversary? \*\* I have found a Strip-O-Gram to be most effective in these cases. Have someone who is transgender do it, that way both mom and pop will get something out of it. If that fails, at least you will have 2 free seats at the reception. 😉 (Can I come? :)) ---
**Author:** ![DeepPurple](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecae2f/32.png) [@DeepPurple](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeepPurple)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2002, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/12 "2002-11-30T20:50:56Z")
Dear Kwyjibo, When somethings not working right, one might say it’s ‘out of whack’. So if something is working correctly, is it in ‘whack’; full of whack? Do I want more whack in my life? ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2002, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/13 "2002-11-30T20:55:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DeepPurple \* > \*\*Dear Kwyjibo, > > When somethings not working right, one might say it’s ‘out of whack’. So if something is working correctly, is it in ‘whack’; full of whack? Do I want more whack in my life? \*\* I refuse to answer this question as it is to whacky. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2002, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/14 "2002-11-30T21:05:10Z")
In this part of the world, and perhaps in your part, it seems to be the custom to plant a row of trees under the powerlines. Or maybe it’s the reverse. This has never made sense to me. Why do folks do that? ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2002, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/15 "2002-11-30T21:17:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AskNott \* > \*\*In this part of the world, and perhaps in your part, it seems to be the custom to plant a row of trees under the powerlines. Or maybe it’s the reverse. This has never made sense to me. Why do folks do that? \*\* I’ve never heard of this custom as planting trees under powerlines is generalt a [bad idea.](http://www.fire.ca.gov/Education/pdf/powerlines.pdf) It is an extream fire hazzard and is a pain in the ass for the utility guys that have to work on them. I make it your quest to cut down all those trees!!! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Monster104](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Monster104](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monster104)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2002, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/16 "2002-11-30T22:10:21Z")
Are your maladjusted antisocial tendencies the product of your berserk pituitary gland? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2002, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/17 "2002-11-30T22:15:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kwyjibo \* > \*\*I refuse to answer this question as it is to whacky. > > 😃 \*\* Dear **Kwijibo** – Are you aware that the above should read :“too wacky”? I have always wanted to be a pirate. What job skills & educational backgrounds are modern pirate recruiters looking for? ---
**Author:** ![WSLer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a6a055/32.png) [@WSLer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WSLer)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2002, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/18 "2002-11-30T22:28:41Z")
Dear **Kwyjibo** , I think my dad’s copy of **Playboy** is broken, 'cause I’ve been looking at it for over 2 hours and I still don’t have a boner. How can I fix this sad situation? Also, what is up with fascination with going #1 in the pictorials in **Penthouse** the last few years? Personally, I think that’s what bathrooms and toilets are for. Am I just being narrowminded? If so how would I go about being broadminded? Actually I would settle for medium-minded. ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/19 "2002-12-01T01:59:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Monster104 \* > \*\*Are your maladjusted antisocial tendencies the product of your berserk pituitary gland? \*\* Not really. I am not antisocial. I just don’t like you people. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \* > **Are you aware that the above should read :“too wacky”?** Look, who’s thread is this!!! 😉 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \* > \*\*I have always wanted to be a pirate. What job skills & educational backgrounds are modern pirate recruiters looking for? \*\* - First off, a priate needs to know say “Argh!” Without that, he is lost. - The second thing to learn is to drink and yell “Grog!” (Now if you put one and two together, you get, “Argh! Grog!” Look! You are well on your way!) - The third thing you need to learn is how to plunder. Plundering isn’t as easy as it sound, so start off small. Try stealing candy from a baby. Oh they say it’s easy, but you have to do it without the baby crying! (Sliting it’s throat is a good way to prevent that.) Once you have mastered those, you just need to find a ship. There arn’t any gallions around anymore, so try and take over a nice ship. Like the Disney Cruise ship! They have a lot of food for the long life at sea, and hey, Mickey’s there! Next! Ah! **WSLer**. Come on in… > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by WSLer \* > \*\*I think my dad’s copy of Playboy is broken, 'cause I’ve been looking at it for over 2 hours and I still don’t have a boner. How can I fix this sad situation? \*\* Let me take a look. Come back in 10 minutes…make it 5. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by WSLer \* > \*\*Also, what is up with fascination with going #1 in the pictorials in **Penthouse** the last few years? Personally, I think that’s what bathrooms and toilets are for. Am I just being narrowminded? If so how would I go about being broadminded? Actually I would settle for medium-minded. \*\* Don’t be too open minded, your brain will fall out.(Insert symbol crash) Personally, I have never under stood this facination with urinatoin in these mags. I am not to hot for that sort of thing either. But I guess some guys like to gather ‘round for a big ol’ circle jerk and say, “Aw dude! Look! She’s pissin’, man!” ::shrug:: If ya don’t get it, don’t try. Move to the last 3 quarters of the mag. You know, where all the ads are. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/20 "2002-12-01T04:25:02Z")
What, exactly, is a **Kwyjibo**? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647.md?page=2)