# Assignment : Kwijibo Explains It All **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 30, 2002, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647 "2002-11-30T17:34:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/21 "2002-12-01T05:12:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ShibbOleth \* > \*\*What, exactly, is a **Kwyjibo**? \*\* A **Kwyjibo** is a big, dumb, balding North American ape. With no chin and a short temper. (And worth 152 points…depending on where you place your tiles.) [(See here)](http://www.snpp.com/episodes/7G02) ---
**Author:** ![Mnementh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mnementh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnementh)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/22 "2002-12-01T06:03:59Z")
I, Mnementh, have a drinking problem. If Bob has eight-nine beers and Ted has ninety-two beers and for every thirteen beers that bob drinks, Ted drinks nineteen, how many barstools will be destroyed in the ensuing fight over the hot chick sitting at the bar in the pink halter? ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/23 "2002-12-01T06:07:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mnementh \* > \*\*I, Mnementh, have a drinking problem. > > If Bob has eight-nine beers and Ted has ninety-two beers and for every thirteen beers that bob drinks, Ted drinks nineteen, how many barstools will be destroyed in the ensuing fight over the hot chick sitting at the bar in the pink halter? \*\* If Bob and Ted are friend of yours, then I’d say all of them. You and your friends stand no chance with hot chicks. (You are single, right? I rest my case.) 😛 Pfffttt!!! ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/24 "2002-12-01T06:09:51Z")
It has come to my attention that Mnementh is not single. For shame! He and his friends fighting over the hot chick! ---
**Author:** ![Flamsterette\_X](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/41988e/32.png) [@Flamsterette\_X](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flamsterette_X)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/25 "2002-12-01T06:17:24Z")
Dear **Kwyjibo** : What should I say / do to my sister when she comes back on Dec. 17 for the Christmas holidays? Flami ---
**Author:** ![Raymond\_Luxury\_Yacht](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raymond_luxury_yacht/32/4099_2.png) [@Raymond\_Luxury\_Yacht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raymond_Luxury_Yacht)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/26 "2002-12-01T06:25:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Monster104 \* > \*\*Are your maladjusted antisocial tendencies the product of your berserk pituitary gland? \*\* So, Monster, can I assume that you’d vote for Calvin & Hobbes [here?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=147012) ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/27 "2002-12-01T06:37:50Z")
More fattening: a pound of hummous or a pound of Whoppers? Happy ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/28 "2002-12-01T06:56:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Flamsterette\_X \* > \*\*Dear **Kwyjibo** : > > What should I say / do to my sister when she comes back on Dec. 17 for the Christmas holidays? > > Flami \*\* You should say, “Welcome home!” What you do to her is your business. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/29 "2002-12-01T06:59:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Happy Lendervedder \* > \*\*More fattening: a pound of hummous or a pound of Whoppers? > Happy \*\* Tough call…I have never eaten either. Well…that’s a lie. I ate a Whopper once and I threw it back up…so I’d have to say the Whopper. (Can’t be fattening if it doesn’t stay down, can it?) (Argh…2 am…need sleep!) ---
**Author:** ![IGJoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/igjoe/32/5420_2.png) [@IGJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IGJoe)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/30 "2002-12-01T07:10:27Z")
Dear **Kwyjibo** , _The Straight Dope_ can be rearranged to spell _trot at high speed_, as well as _hot shattered pig_. Coincidence? ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/31 "2002-12-01T07:16:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr Pud \* > \*\*Dear **Kwyjibo** , > > _The Straight Dope_ can be rearranged to spell _trot at high speed_, as well as _hot shattered pig_. Coincidence? \*\* It can also be made to spell “Do Pretest A Thigh” and “Shaped To The Girt”, so I don’t think so. (Not to mention “Goeth, Tit Shepard”.) ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/32 "2002-12-01T07:46:54Z")
What ever became of my Weejuns and my saddle oxfords? ---
**Author:** ![ninevah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/46a35a/32.png) [@ninevah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ninevah)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/33 "2002-12-01T07:50:36Z")
Dear Kwyjibo, After helping out at a catering function, and after I took off the rubber gloves, I noticed that there was a white powdery substance on my hands. What is this, what is this for and why does it make my hands feel all yucky? ---
**Author:** ![truthbot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@truthbot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/truthbot)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/34 "2002-12-01T13:26:14Z")
**Dear Kwyjibo** ; How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? A purportedly wise owl claims it only takes three, but I’m not buying it! Enlighten me, _Oh Wise One_. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/35 "2002-12-01T13:32:25Z")
Dear Kwyjibo: Hypothetically speaking … what should I do … I mean what should a person do, if they’ve accidentally, through no fault of their own, without planning it ahead of time, gotten one of those vibrating pagers stuck in their rectums. Hurry up a little on this one, would ya? ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/36 "2002-12-01T13:49:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zoe \* > \*\*What ever became of my Weejuns and my saddle oxfords? \*\* They are behind your couch. (Be more careful next time, huh?) ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/37 "2002-12-01T13:56:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ninevah \* > \*\*Dear Kwyjibo, > > After helping out at a catering function, and after I took off the rubber gloves, I noticed that there was a white powdery substance on my hands. What is this, what is this for and why does it make my hands feel all yucky? \*\* Are they like surgical gloves? If so, then it is probably a type of cornstarch powder. It’s there to stop the inside of the glove from sticking together and it makes the glove easier to put on. My recommendation is to not snort it. ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/38 "2002-12-01T14:03:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by truthbot \* > \*\ ***Dear Kwyjibo** ; > > How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? A purportedly wise owl claims it only takes three, but I’m not buying it! Enlighten me, _Oh Wise One_. \*\* The owl lied my friend. You can sleep easy. As you can rightfully imagine, there has been testing on this conundrum. Some with at lease a hint of [applied science](http://schools.shorelineschools.org/brookside/BKSTeacher/McGillivray_Webpage/kidpages/SusannaRpage/Pages/science.html) and some that are [not so scientific.](http://www.reality-syndicate.com/syndicatepress/tootsiepop.htm) According to the first source, the average amount of licks is 599. But answer me this, do people actually sit there and lick these things? Why not just pop them in their mouth? It would be a little more dignified, no? ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/39 "2002-12-01T14:05:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jack Batty \* > \*\*Dear Kwyjibo: > > Hypothetically speaking … what should I do … I mean what should a person do, if they’ve accidentally, through no fault of their own, without planning it ahead of time, gotten one of those vibrating pagers stuck in their rectums. > > Hurry up a little on this one, would ya? \*\* Not to worry, this to shall pass. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![WSLer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a6a055/32.png) [@WSLer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WSLer)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/40 "2002-12-01T18:09:49Z")
Dear Kwijibo, What happened to the Snowdens of our yesterdays? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647.md?page=3)