# Assignment : Kwijibo Explains It All **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 30, 2002, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647 "2002-11-30T17:34:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Minor\_Irritant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Minor\_Irritant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Minor_Irritant)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/41 "2002-12-01T19:18:48Z")
Dear Kwijibo, If a celebrity chosen for one’s list on the “Celebrity Death Pool 2003” thread dies during the year, does doing a “happy dance” make one a bad person? ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/42 "2002-12-01T20:35:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by WSLer \* > \*\*Dear Kwijibo, > > What happened to the Snowdens of our yesterdays? \*\* Oh! Good question! I’ll have to call Joseph Heller and see if he can give me the scoop. (But I think Snowden is dead.) ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/43 "2002-12-01T20:37:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Minor Irritant \* > \*\*Dear Kwijibo, > > If a celebrity chosen for one’s list on the “Celebrity Death Pool 2003” thread dies during the year, does doing a “happy dance” make one a bad person? \*\* It is honourable to morn first, and then do the Happy Dance. (And then count how many points you gained. :)) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/44 "2002-12-01T20:42:38Z")
Dear Kwyjibo: Please give me advice on how to get laid more frequently, means that don’t involve large expenditures of cash as I have a very limited income. You will have my undying gratitude. ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/45 "2002-12-01T20:53:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Peyote Coyote \* > \*\*Dear Kwyjibo: Please give me advice on how to get laid more frequently, means that don’t involve large expenditures of cash as I have a very limited income. > > You will have my undying gratitude. \*\* Two words. Glory Hole. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/46 "2002-12-01T21:12:14Z")
> [@](#): > > ## quote: > > Originally posted by The Peyote Coyote > Dear Kwyjibo: Please give me advice on how to get laid more frequently, means that don’t involve large expenditures of cash as I have a very limited income. > > ## You will have my undying gratitude. > > Two words. Glory Hole. Allow me to rephrase the question. How can I get more women to lay me on a limited income? ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/47 "2002-12-01T21:26:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Peyote Coyote \* > \*\*Allow me to rephrase the question. How can I get more women to lay me on a limited income? \*\* That is a hard question to answer and would take some time. [This](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=144536) might give you some insite. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/48 "2002-12-01T21:47:14Z")
In other words, you don’t have a clue either. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2002, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/49 "2002-12-01T21:51:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Peyote Coyote \* > \*\*In other words, you don’t have a clue either. 😃 \*\* Dude, I’m married. Everything I knew about picking up chicks is long gone. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![WSLer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a6a055/32.png) [@WSLer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WSLer)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/50 "2002-12-02T01:00:25Z")
Dear Kwijibo, I recently attended a dinner party where the following incident took place: The host served a salad and continually asked us, (the guests) what we thought of it, especially the dressing. Not being a salad-eating person myself, my comments were minimal, but the other guests were fairly effusive and enthusiastic in how much they liked . The rest of the meal went along nicely, with a delicious steak and decent dessert. However, as coffee was being served, one of the guests asked what was so special about the salad. The host replied that he had “jacked off” into the salad. Needless to so, we were stunned, angry and appalled. The host maintained that it was no big deal and that we were “way too uptight.” So, who is correct, the host or us guests? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/51 "2002-12-02T01:07:11Z")
Dear Kwijibo, I keep having dreams about hot dogs chasing donuts through tunnels. What in the world could it possibly mean? ---
**Author:** ![Cerowyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/82dd89/32.png) [@Cerowyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerowyn)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/52 "2002-12-02T04:38:46Z")
Dear Kwij, So, what’s the deal with the soda crackers? Did you ever manage? 😃 Sincerely, Puckered in Toronto ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/53 "2002-12-02T15:14:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by WSLer \* > \*\*\ > So, who is correct, the host or us guests? \*\* I think it’s best you lie down for a while. (And get some mouthwash.) 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/54 "2002-12-02T15:19:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Mermaid \* > \*\*Dear Kwijibo, > > I keep having dreams about hot dogs chasing donuts through tunnels. > > What in the world could it possibly mean? \*\* I’ve never been much of a psychologist, but I’m sure it has something to do ‘vis youa muzza.’ 🙂 (If **I** was in it, then you are yearning to do the ‘Hunka Chunka’ with me. 🙂 ( o/~ So come on, come on! Do the Huncka Chunka with me!!o/~) ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/55 "2002-12-02T15:22:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cerowyn \* > \*\*Dear Kwij, > > So, what’s the deal with the soda crackers? Did you ever manage? 😃 > > Sincerely, > > Puckered in Toronto \*\* […prick…](http://www.uvm.edu/~nvenet/TorDope/Pictures/kwycracker.jpg) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/56 "2002-12-02T15:48:33Z")
Dear **Kwyjibo** — Are you secretly Jar-Jar Binks? If you claim you aren’t, why hasn’t anybody ever seen both of you together at the same time? And why haven’t you ever addressed this issue in the past? ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/57 "2002-12-02T17:01:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor \* > \*\*Dear **Kwyjibo** — > > Are you secretly Jar-Jar Binks? > > If you claim you aren’t, why hasn’t anybody ever seen both of you together at the same time? > And why haven’t you ever addressed this issue in the past? \*\* :eek: Me’sa notten knowin what you’sa spek. You’sa nottin’ movin now. Des Jedi’s are arrivin’ for you’sa soon’. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/58 "2002-12-02T18:22:18Z")
Dear Kwyjibo, What is the purpose of the unused centre platform on the upper level of Sheppard-Yonge station? Thanks, a puzzled commuter ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/59 "2002-12-02T18:35:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sunspace \* > \*\*Dear Kwyjibo, > > What is the purpose of the unused centre platform on the upper level of Sheppard-Yonge station? > > Thanks, > a puzzled commuter \*\* This is the new station no? I believe the centre platform would be used in future if they extended the line west and things got much busier. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/60 "2002-12-02T18:43:26Z")
## quote: Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor Dear Kwyjibo— Are you secretly Jar-Jar Binks? ## If you claim you aren’t, why hasn’t anybody ever seen both of you together at the same time? And why haven’t you ever addressed this issue in the past? > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kwyjibo \* > \*\*:eek: Me’sa notten knowin what you’sa spek. > > You’sa nottin’ movin now. Des Jedi’s are arrivin’ for you’sa soon’. \*\* AHA! Evading & persecuting the free Press, eh _Mr. Binks_?!?! 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647.md?page=4)