# Assignment : Kwijibo Explains It All **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 30, 2002, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647 "2002-11-30T17:34:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2002, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/81 "2002-12-05T14:44:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by TwistofFate \* > \*\*In the current world climate, its like a jungle sometimes. It makes me wonder. could you explain how I keep from going under? > > a-aha hah hah hah. \*\* Look dude, with these sort of questions, don’t push me. 'Cus I’m close to the edge. I’m trying not to lose my head! ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2002, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/82 "2002-12-05T14:57:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ayesha \* > \*\*Exactly how many chocolate chips are there in a single chips ahoy cookie ? \*\* This would obviously vary from cookie to cookie. [This](http://www.angelfire.com/nj3/tally/table.html) may give you some incite. [(Or this)](http://www.geocities.com/Athens/5162/expex.html) > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ayesha \* > \*\*Why is the sky blue ? \*\* Alas, Uncle Cecil has [beat me to it.](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a810828b.html) > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ayesha \* > \*\*Where do babies come from ? \*\* Human babies? From a woman’s vagina, usually. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ayesha \* > \*\*Will my future daughter in law stop thinking I rock when she becomes my actual daughter in law ? \*\* Probably not. She’s using your son to get closer to you. 😃 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ayesha \* > \*\*What is this bump on my butt ? \*\* Another appendage, maybe? Or another head! (Ooooo!) ---
**Author:** ![WSLer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a6a055/32.png) [@WSLer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WSLer)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2002, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/83 "2002-12-06T04:46:53Z")
Dear Kwijibo, Mr. Green wakes up, gets dressed, kisses his wife Esther good bye and heads for the train station in the town he lives in which is called Rockville. Mr. Green is going to catch the train to Syracuse where he will meet up with his other wife Shelly. Mr. Green is a bigamist. While waiting for the train, Mr. Green strikes up a conversation with Miss Blue. Miss Blue informs Mr. Green that she offers a variety of services, including **Greek** , although that costs $60 extra. Mr. Green informs Miss Blue that he would like to partake of her services, including **Greek** because neither of his wives offer him that input. Mr. Green and Miss Blue decide to get a sleeper car together. They do not sleep. Upon arriving in Syracuse, Mr. Green getsMmiss Blue’s number and they agree to share a sleeper car when Mr. Green returns to Rockville later in the week. However Mr. green is dismayed to find that Shelley has left him a **Dear John** letter in which she informs him that she has run off with a woman named Esther who lives in Rockville. Where does this leave Mr. Green? Anal sex, whats the appeal? Is a cigar sometimes nothing more then a cigar? What \*\*doesn’t \*\* make the Baby Jesus cry? Who’s going to come out with plaid paint first, Benajmin Moore or Krylone? Is it a floor wax or a dessert topping? Joe Piscapo–what went wrong? Britney Spears or Jennifer Lopez? What **WOULD** Jesus do? ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2002, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/84 "2002-12-06T14:10:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by WSLer \* > **Where does this leave Mr. Green?** Screwed in Syracuse. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by WSLer \* > **Anal sex, whats the appeal?** Try it. You’ll see. 🙂 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by WSLer \* > **Is a cigar sometimes nothing more then a cigar?** Only when inserted into a vagina. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by WSLer \* > \*\*What **doesn’t \*\* make the Baby Jesus cry?** Smiting heathens. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by WSLer \* > **Who’s going to come out with plaid paint first, Benajmin Moore or Krylone?** Krylone. I like his style. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by WSLer \* > **Is it a floor wax or a dessert topping?** It’s multifunctional! It can be used as toothpaste too! > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by WSLer \* > **Joe Piscapo–what went wrong?** He started acting. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by WSLer \* > **Britney Spears or Jennifer Lopez?** Both! At the same time! > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by WSLer \* > \*\*What **WOULD** Jesus do? \*\* Probably have a heart attack. ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2002, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/85 "2002-12-06T16:16:43Z")
What should my next tattoo be? What should I get my guy for Xmas? ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2002, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/86 "2002-12-06T17:21:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hardygrrl \* > **What should my next tattoo be?** A “Slipery When Wet” sign on your inner thigh. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by hardygrrl \* > \*\*What should I get my guy for Xmas? \*\* Well, if he is anything like me, then get him something for the computer. (A game perhaps.) If that isn’t the case, ya can’t go wrong with clothes. ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2002, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/87 "2002-12-06T18:23:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kwyjibo \* > \*\*Well, if he is anything like me… \*\* ::tries to imagine Kwyjibo telling a rival “I SMUGGLE CUBANS INTO THIS COUNTRY BY JAMMING THEM UP YOUR MOTHER’S UTERUS. NO, NOT THE CIGARS… REAL LIVE CUBANS!!!” :: ::head explodes:: ---
**Author:** ![WSLer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a6a055/32.png) [@WSLer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WSLer)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/88 "2002-12-08T00:54:02Z")
Dear Kwijibo, Douche or Enema: Which tastes better? What, me worry? Cecil Adams is the pen name of Ed Zotti, true? Is there a Santa Claus? Is it just me or are you made to feel strange/weird if you don’t have a significant other to spend holidays, national and othersie with? Are the rumors about a big-screen, ie: movie adaptation of **Gilligan’s Island** true?:eek: :eek: :rolleyes: :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/89 "2002-12-08T02:15:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by WSLer \* > \*\*Dear Kwijibo, > > What do I have to do to get personally acknowledged/greetded by Cecil himself, here on the SDMB? > > \*\* If I may interject, Give birth to the second child of two Dopers who met on the SDMB. Robin ---
**Author:** ![Tir\_Tinuviel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tir\_Tinuviel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tir_Tinuviel)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/90 "2002-12-08T14:54:15Z")
**Kwijy** , I am worried about my boobies, I mean, are they the right size, shape, weight? Do they wobble correctly, or do I need to work on the bounce a bit more? Are my nipples big enough? perky enough? Should I hang tassles from them or is that just tacky? I wonder if you’d mind taking a look for me… Also, **Hardy** and I have been experimenting with grapes and clevages, are we wrong to do this, do we need a third party to take notes? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rug\_Burn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a87d85/32.png) [@Rug\_Burn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rug_Burn)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/91 "2002-12-08T15:54:19Z")
Dear Kwijibo, Why don’t women get skid marks on their G-strings, this seems to defy the laws of physics? ---
**Author:** ![WSLer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a6a055/32.png) [@WSLer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WSLer)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/92 "2002-12-08T21:40:39Z")
Dear Kwijibo, How did **Mr. Cynical** rope/trick/blackmail you into doing this answer thread? How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck woucld chuck wood? Is it really that bad to eat frosting directly out of the can? Even if I use a spoon and not my hands? ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2002, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647/93 "2002-12-08T22:02:18Z")
Dear Kwyjibo When will I break 1000 posts? Will it be doing something totally inane? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/assignment-kwijibo-explains-it-all/139647.md?page=4)