Assuaging 50¢ Worth Of Guilt

I just read about a newspaper vendor that went broke and killed himself. Probably not your guy though as this one was from New Jersey.

Of course I’m kidding. Need you ask?

I must be the only one thinking “karma”.

You know, the karma that bites you in the (kisses your) ass after losing quarters in the freakin’ vending machines 80 gazillion times.

You guys still get papers for 50 cents?

All ours are 75 cents now. I hate you all. :stuck_out_tongue: :frowning:

[obligatory Canadian joke]So that would be what…$.14 in US coinage?[/obligatory Canadian joke]

:smiley:

Hey – at least you didn’t empty the rack!

Most technically speaking, if Gannett runs this like the local large newspapers do, you’re stiffing the guy whose route that machine is on. The way it works around here:

[ol][li]Carrier takes enough newspapers from the publisher to fill his machines.[/li][li]Carrier drives them to his machines, and removes the papers and money from the machines from the previous day.[/li][li]Carrier returns the previous day’s papers to the newspaper company, and pays for the sold copies out of the money collected from the machines.[/ol][/li]
Considering one machine – he fills it with 20 copies on the 3rd, collects 10 copies and $4.50 (instead of $5) on the 4th. Say each copy costs him 30 cents, so he owes the publisher $3 for the 10 he doesn’t have and keeps the $1.50 as his profit instead of the $2 he should have.

So in addition to confusing some random secretary with his dollar, he’s also not paying anyone who was even remotely affected. Gannett still gets their whatever per copy they sell the papers to the drivers for – the money came directly out of the pocket of an individual.

Paging bodypoet, who I think runs a paper route and can correct me if I’m remembering wrong.

That’s what I was thinking, and why I thought an appropriate penance would be to go back to an out-of-your-way machine and return the money.

As luck would have it, I happened across an empty Asbury Park Press machine late last night (pregnant-wife-related ice cream run). I dropped in 50¢, opened the door, and closed it again.

There. Any lingering guilt can been completely scrubbed away. The vending folks got their money, and a stranger at the paper is $1 richer and a slight bit puzzled. Karma and I are all squared away now.

Hmmm…now, about the matter of using a company stamp to mail that dollar…

Yep, this is the stuff. As someone who has done a lot of consulting work for newspapers as far as growing circulation, etc., I can tell you this - you actually did Gannett a favor. If a newspaper goes to a box or rack and isn’t returned, that’s considered paid circulation to them. They don’t care if you actually paid for it. In fact, when it comes to selling subscriptions, it actually costs them money to gain a new subscriber most of the time. The money you pay for the subscription is simply to help defray that cost. The money’s in the advertising, be it ROP advertising (which depends on overall circulation) or preprint advertising (which depends on circulation at the ZIP Code or Zone level).

I used to work with an old newspaper guy who ran circulation depts for several large newspapers in his career. He said that he used to see this kid who would go to the racks, put in one quarter and take them all. Then he’d sell them outside the grocery store. Keep in mind that the guy I worked with was the circulation director of this newspaper - he didn’t care. In fact, he was happy about it because that box was seen as all draws and no returns every day. Counts as paid circulation on the audit, which goes to advertisers, which translates as more money for the newspaper.

So basically … you did three nice things: gave Gannett a free extra piece of paid circulation, gave some dude at Gannett a dollar, and gave the single copy delivery guy his cash.

Nice work.

Except that now the guy who runs the box with the extra fifty cents has sat up half the night trying to reconcile how he got more money than he should have, before shooting himself.

[Announcer voice] This just in: Authorities are probing a series of strange suicides by honor box workers for the Asbury Park Press. According to an officer who spoke on condition of anonymity, they are seeking a culprit code named Hal Briston. Film at eleven. [/voice]