# astro, it's NOT my fault! No means NO! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 20, 2004, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068 "2004-04-20T18:57:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 14
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068/261 "2004-04-23T11:11:27Z")
> [@milroyj](#): > > Can anyone with a medical background confirm the existence of a medical condition that could cause green semen, or is the OP blowing smoke? You could want to make search in GQ about this, because, there has been a thread about this exact same question a couple week ago. The question surprized me, but I didn’t really pay attention, so I don’t remember the responses… ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068/262 "2004-04-23T11:16:57Z")
I found the thread [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=246900&highlight=semen) . But there are no helpful responses. Doesn’t matter much re. this thread, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Tir\_Tinuviel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tir\_Tinuviel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tir_Tinuviel)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068/263 "2004-04-23T11:29:38Z")
> [@calm kiwi](#): > > I’m sure she was cute. But the bite to the dick might lead to thumbs in the eyesockets (well thats what they say you should do if a shark bites you :D) I thought you were supposed to punch it in the nose to disrupt it’s electrical sensor thingies and confuse it? sidetrack much? heh! ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068/264 "2004-04-23T12:58:08Z")
Hm. And I thought you were supposed to use bang sticks on sharks. Bet it would work on a human too. ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068/265 "2004-04-23T13:06:28Z")
I am guessing Zabali isn’t coming back to the thread but I just have two questions. Where were you living at the time and what month was it? ---
**Author:** ![Tir\_Tinuviel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tir\_Tinuviel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tir_Tinuviel)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068/266 "2004-04-23T13:14:10Z")
> [@Una Persson](#): > > Hm. And I thought you were supposed to use bang sticks on sharks. Bet it would work on a human too. You go swimming with sticks? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![presidebt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c37758/32.png) [@presidebt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/presidebt)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068/267 "2004-04-23T13:28:00Z")
> [@xcheopis](#): > > Nope. **Still** not insulted, no matter how often you yammering jackasses bray this nonsense. I meant to tender this response with my other one last night, sorry. **xcheopis** , you aren’t the only survivor in this thread. Some of us \* are\* insulted by this. ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068/268 "2004-04-23T13:43:10Z")
> [@Tir Tinuviel](#): > > I thought you were supposed to punch it in the nose to disrupt it’s electrical sensor thingies and confuse it? > sidetrack much? heh! Disrupt electrical sensor thingies…then sidetrack. It is motto to live by 😃 Seriously though, so as not to sidetrack, I would find oral rape much harder then vaginal rape. Still thinking Praying mantises have the best plan though. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068/269 "2004-04-23T13:47:02Z")
> [@presidebt](#): > > I meant to tender this response with my other one last night, sorry. > > **xcheopis** , you aren’t the only survivor in this thread. Some of us \* are\* insulted by this. And some of us aren’t. I think the whole point of this thread is that we can’t lump all survivors into one category for anything. 1. all rapes are different 2. all survivors are different 3. all recoveries/healing is different So to say someone should talk, react, censor themselves in a certain way in terms of rape is ridiculous. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068/270 "2004-04-23T13:48:10Z")
> [@milroyj](#): > > Can anyone with a medical background confirm the existence of a medical condition that could cause green semen, or is the OP blowing smoke? STD’s can cause colored discharge. Gonorrhea is especially noted for causing copious sticky green-yellow secretions. Have you never heard of “the drip” ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068/271 "2004-04-23T14:01:20Z")
> [@jarbabyj](#): > > And some of us aren’t. I think the whole point of this thread is that we can’t lump all survivors into one category for anything. > > 1. all rapes are different > 2. all survivors are different > 3. all recoveries/healing is different > > So to say someone should talk, react, censor themselves in a certain way in terms of rape is ridiculous. Well said. ---
**Author:** ![jlzania](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/67e7ee/32.png) [@jlzania](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jlzania)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068/272 "2004-04-23T14:26:48Z")
> [@](#): > > **AvhHines** - > My point in all this is that I think the coping strategy that **Zabali** has developed for her life is perpetual victimhood (calling it survival when occasion calls for it). I don’t think she makes it up. But I think her perceptions are geared to see attack and/or abuse and/or incapacity in vitually any situation. Nine pittings (five of Dopers) in just over a year, remember? > [@](#): > > ## **presidebt** -I was sexually assualted by a family member as a child and by two strangers on two separate occassions as a teen. I have been extensively counselled over this but I came to the conclusion after a while that if I remained in counselling, I would remain a victim. They wanted me to flesh out every little hurt and name it the cause of Why I Am The Way I Am. > > Most of the sex abuse survivors I know are still in this kind of counselling, where any instance you can think of from your own life can be added like a badge to a Girl Scout sash that symbolizes how much you’ve been victimized. For all their talk of being “survivors,” doting on their victimhood seems to be where they spend the greatest amount of time. Those statements really resonated with me. I was in therapy for approximately 6 months when I was in my early 20’s because I began to suffer from extreme anxiety attacks. As my therapy was part of the college’s health program, my psychiatrist’s agenda was to make me as functional as possible and then send me on my way with the tools to repair my own life. It took a lot of introspection to come to grips with the fact that my father had inappropriately fondled me as an adolescent and that his behavior shaped my relationship with other men. One of the hardest things for me to come to grips with is that Daddy was a pervert-ironically, I was a Daddy’s girl for much of my childhood. I refuse to be defined by what was done to me by him. I was a victim but that was years ago and I’m fine today. I don’t like to describe myself as a survivor of sexual abuse because that is far too limiting a description of who I am and I’m so very much more than just a woman who’s Daddy felt her up and said nasty things to her. To continue to allow that to be the focal point of my life would be to continue to give my father power over me and I exorcised that demon a long time ago. ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068/273 "2004-04-23T15:40:58Z")
> [@Una Persson](#): > > Hm. And I thought you were supposed to use bang sticks on sharks. Bet it would work on a human too. For those who are understansably reluctant to Google “bang stick”, it’s basically a metal rod with a cartridge of gun powder on the end. Considering Una’s mechanical skills, I wonder if she actually carries one. It might well be effective on a human assailant, and I don’t know of any laws against bang sticks. ---
**Author:** ![xcheopis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/bc8723/32.png) [@xcheopis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xcheopis)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068/274 "2004-04-23T20:08:41Z")
> [@jarbabyj](#): > > And some of us aren’t. I think the whole point of this thread is that we can’t lump all survivors into one category for anything. > > 1. all rapes are different > 2. all survivors are different > 3. all recoveries/healing is different > > So to say someone should talk, react, censor themselves in a certain way in terms of rape is ridiculous. Yeah, what **jarbabyj** said. Do feel free to be insulted! I certainly won’t condem determination to take offense at someone else’s descriptive term for their trauma. ---
**Author:** ![MoodIndigo1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@MoodIndigo1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoodIndigo1)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068/275 "2004-04-23T21:27:05Z")
Words of wisdom I had from a counsellor some years ago referring to very difficult childhood experiences of mine. He said words to the effect of: “As a child, you were a victim; then you were a survivor; living in survivor mode is not a very constructive thing, so now you have to learn to live your life as an independent, whole adult.” He went on to explain that this required a different type of skills, different kinds of expectations and plans. He was right. Now I think of all those events and circumstances of my childhood, and they are simply part of what made me strong. They no longer hurt who I am today, and I have forgiven who/what needed to be forgiven, including myself, for the mistakes I made. Sorry to post about myself in this thread. For some reason, I wanted to tell that to **Zabali**. ---
**Author:** ![papergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/aca169/32.png) [@papergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/papergirl)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068/276 "2004-04-23T22:56:00Z")
Hmmm. This is sort of interesting, because it seems that **Zabawli** ’s history has worked to turn the tide of belief, at least to some folks, away from her. Here’s why I find it so interesting: My own history is not too terribly different. Nearly molested by a friend of my brother (who was a stranger to me). Molested by my best friend’s brother. DEFINITELY molested, for a period of several months, by an older boy who rode my bus–and a lot of it happened ON the bus. Basically abducted and violently sexually assaulted by a complete stranger. All of this occurred between 12 and 15 years of age. If I told the details of the last incident (and possibly the bus incidents as well) here, I have absolutely no doubt that people would be jumping up and down, pointing fingers, and doing the “liar, liar” chant–it’s that bizarre and…well, unbelievable. But it happened. And I can’t discount anyone’s story on the basis of a history of violence or assault. When I look at my own history, I know better. I don’t care how anyone labels it, what anyone thinks, or whether or not I fit someone else’s personal definition of victim or survivor or whatever. I just know where I am, and how I got here…and it all happened. Just sayin’. Wishing everyone the healthiest of journeys. Best, karol ---
**Author:** ![milroyj](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@milroyj](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/milroyj)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068/277 "2004-04-23T23:16:16Z")
> [@The Mermaid](#): > > STD’s can cause colored discharge. Gonorrhea is especially noted for causing copious sticky green-yellow secretions. Have you never heard of “the drip” :eek: Aren’t I glad I asked! ---
**Author:** ![Random](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/57b2e6/32.png) [@Random](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Random)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068/278 "2004-04-23T23:21:53Z")
It’s a lot more than the history that’s causing doubt here. It’s the changes in the story, the tone of certain posts and her posting history (in other threads). No one is saying that someone who claims to be the victim of multiple assauts is automatically a liar. I haven’t heard many people calling **Zabali** an outright liar either. The majority opinion seems to be that (a) she believes what she’s saying; (b) at least in the boyfriend incident, something happened that was, at the very least, jerkish and abusive on his part; and © she deserves sympathy for that. It’s been an interesting discussion. I think a lot of good points have been made about flaws in the typical American statutory rape laws and how memories can sometimes evolve away from the truth. Also, I’m amazed by the opinions on both extremes on the question of what should be considered rape. I’m not going to cite specific posters, but there’s at least one story in this thread that, to me, is obviously a rape, even though the victim/poster says otherwise. On the other end, it blows my mind that many people believe that emotional pressure by a guy, plus the woman’s reluctant consent and next day regrets equals rape. ---
**Author:** ![askeptic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@askeptic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/askeptic)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068/279 "2004-04-23T23:31:36Z")
Random: I agree with everything in your last post(if that offends you I will retract it) I have refrained from posting to this thread out of respect to the feelings of the OP. But, gosh rape is a serious charge. If a woman says no then it is rape but if a woman says OK then regrets it later it is not Rape, it is just a bad decision. ---
**Author:** ![Random](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/57b2e6/32.png) [@Random](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Random)\ **Post date:** [April 23, 2004, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068/280 "2004-04-23T23:40:21Z")
> [@askeptic](#): > > Random: I agree with everything in your last post(if that offends you I will retract it) I have refrained from posting to this thread out of respect to the feelings of the OP. But, gosh rape is a serious charge. If a woman says no then it is rape but if a woman says OK then regrets it later it is not Rape, it is just a bad decision. Thanks (How could that possibly offend me?) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068.md?page=13) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068.md?page=15)