# astro, it's NOT my fault! No means NO! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 20, 2004, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068 "2004-04-20T18:57:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 1\ **Showing post:** 134
**Author:** ![catsix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@catsix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catsix)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2004, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068/134 "2004-04-21T03:28:50Z")
> [@](#): > > **jarbabyj** said: > Here’s a tip: even if you get drunk, have dinner, go home with a guy, strip naked, kiss him, lay down and THEN decide you don’t want to have sex, you say no. If he persists…he’s raping you. And if you do that with no intention of having sex with the guy, you’re the asshole, not him. > [@](#): > > **Ogre** said: > At no point was the situation out of your control. You easily could have walked out. Hell yes she could have. Go in the damn house and call your mother to get a ride home. Shit, **run** in there and lock the doors. > [@](#): > > **villa** said: > It’s situations like yours that made me come round to the belief that rape needs an affirmative consent standard. The only possible benefit I could see to this would be that it’d protect the men who get accused of rape by the woman who says ‘Yes, I went home with him from the bar, ripped my clothes off, kissed him all over, then dived in his bed, but I brushed his hand away once so he should’ve known I didn’t want sex.’ > [@](#): > > You were taken advantage of, but you were not raped. Exactly. Being used for a quick lay by someone who wants a birthday present isn’t rape no matter how much the other party regrets it after being ‘counseled’ years later. > [@](#): > > Date rape is very real, and I guarantee all of us know someone who has lived through it. Yes, and when date rape _is really happening to you_, you do strange things to try to stop it - like attempting to crawl out the front door of the house naked as the day you were born to escape the person who is hurting you. What you don’t do is eventually decide to screw the guy because it’s his birthday and he’s convinced you that he deserves a gift. > [@](#): > > **jarbabyj** said: > This is what I’m concerned about with some of the folks in this thread. A rapist can be your dad, your teacher, your boyfriend of nine years. It can be YOUR HUSBAND. It doesn’t have to end with a woman in the hospital bleeding. Not with a bang, but with a whimper. It takes a lot more than ‘I won’t like you anymore.’ or ‘I’ll be mad at you’, though. > [@](#): > > **yosemitebabe** said: > This is a tragic and ill-advised discussion, I fear. Zabali\_Clawbane obviously suffered a lot of pain and this guy was a first-class asshole. And yet this is the second time that she herself has started this discussion. > [@](#): > > **Ogre** said: > This account is much clearer to me. And yes, based on it, I must agree that you were raped. I still can’t wrap my head around that, because the opportunity to leave the back yard and go inside still existed. > [@](#): > > **A Monkey with a Gun** said: > The multiple recountings of what happened when she was 13 have also evolved from the original. They get progressively worse with each telling. The original from the other thread reads: That and she pretty much says in the other thread that she didn’t consider herself as having been raped until the advocate at the battered women’s sheltered started counseling her about her problems with men. > [@](#): > > **jarbabyj** said: > Of course TRYING these stupid lines aren’t rape or attempted rape…it’s when someone believes that these actions ENTITLES them to pursue sexual intercourse to the point of restraint or violence that it gets ugly. So what about when someone uses one of those lines, the other person agrees, they get it on, and then years later the person who agreed to it says they were ‘coerced’? --- _[View the full topic](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/astro-its-not-my-fault-no-means-no/241068)._