# At a wedding, does anyone ever actually "speak now" instead of "forever holding their peace"?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [August 16, 2013, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430 "2013-08-16T17:08:59Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Rodgers01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rodgers01)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2013, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/1 "2013-08-16T17:08:59Z")
Outside of Hollywood, that is.
We’ve all had a friend or loved one who’s entering a marriage we think is a terrible idea. But have you ever heard of anyone actually taking up the minister’s famous offer?
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### Author:  [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2013, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/2 "2013-08-16T17:10:38Z")
> [@Rodgers01](#):
>
> Outside of Hollywood, that is.
>
> We’ve all had a friend or loved one who’s entering a marriage we think is a terrible idea. But have you ever heard of anyone actually taking up the minister’s famous offer?
I don’t think that I’ve been to a wedding where that question has actually been asked.
How often do wedding ceremonies even use that question outside of Hollywood?
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### Author:  [@Rodgers01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rodgers01)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2013, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/3 "2013-08-16T17:17:53Z")
> [@hajario](#):
>
> I don’t think that I’ve been to a wedding where that question has actually been asked.
>
> How often do wedding ceremonies even use that question outside of Hollywood?
I haven’t been to that many weddings in my life, but I can think of at least 3 where it was asked.
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### Author:  [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2013, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/4 "2013-08-16T17:23:33Z")
The one time I would have spoken up, I just didn’t attend the wedding. They’re still together, 15 years and 3 children later, and do appear to be happy, so go figure.
If someone DID speak up, what happens?
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### Author:  [@Staggerlee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Staggerlee)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2013, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/5 "2013-08-16T17:24:54Z")
It’s always been asked at the (English) weddings I’ve been to, followed by a bit of a jokey wait, as if there’s a real chance of someone piping up.
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### Author:  [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2013, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/6 "2013-08-16T17:29:04Z")
The phrase isn’t an invitation for people who think the marriage is a bad idea to speak up. It is an invitation for people who know that the two people cannot be legally married to speak up. Like, say, if you know the groom has another wife in the next village, or that the bride is actually the groom’s mother.
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### Author:  [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2013, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/7 "2013-08-16T17:33:50Z")
It was said in my first wedding ceremony; no one spoke up but I learned later that a ‘friend’ took that opportunity to repeatedly jab the ribs of my ex-boyfriend who was now a good enough friend of mine to attend the wedding. Classy. :rolleyes:
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### Author:  [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2013, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/8 "2013-08-16T17:37:10Z")
> [@Lemur866](#):
>
> The phrase isn’t an invitation for people who think the marriage is a bad idea to speak up. It is an invitation for people who know that the two people cannot be legally married to speak up. Like, say, if you know the groom has another wife in the next village, or that the bride is actually the groom’s mother.
Or if the groom already has a wife who is crazy and who is kept in a separate part of the house with a keeper (from a book first, then a movie).
Yeah, it’s asking for legal impediments not humble opinions.
Roddy
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### Author:  [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2013, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/9 "2013-08-16T17:37:21Z")
As I understand, while it’s still a trope in RomComs, it’s not uncommon that it is omitted from marriage ceremonies these days, perhaps precisely because there’s the concern that someone would make a scene and the couple just don’t want to risk that for nothing gained.
I have heard it, but less frequently than I haven’t. That said, when I have objected to a wedding for whatever reason, I expressed my concern to that person, and then I didn’t attend the wedding because I couldn’t ethically attend feeling that it’s essentially showing a sign of support for the union and then facing that I might have to hear that line.
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### Author:  [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimmy_Gibbler)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2013, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/10 "2013-08-16T17:57:57Z")
> [@hajario](#):
>
> I don’t think that I’ve been to a wedding where that question has actually been asked.
>
> How often do wedding ceremonies even use that question outside of Hollywood?
The [current marriage rite in the Episcopal Church’s Book of Common Prayer](http://bcponline.org/PastoralOffices/marriage.htm) directs the celebrant to ask the following:
> [@](#):
>
> Into this holy union _N.N…_ and _N.N…_ now come to be joined.
> If any of you can show just cause why they may not lawfully be
> married, speak now; or else for ever hold your peace.
As **Lemur866** noted, the question inquires into any legal impediment that may exist to prevent the marriage, not a general referendum on the wisdom of the particular marriage. I’ve never heard of any objection actually being raised, and I imagine a priest would probably just ignore it.
In the early 2000s, [publishing the banns of marriage](http://bcponline.org/PastoralOffices/adddirectmarriage.htm) (another hoary nuptial relic from the BCP) got a new lease on life in Ontario, as publication of banns was a way around having to get a marriage license, and thus was used by same-sex couples to get married. On the topic of the OP, it too asks for its hearers to sisclose of “any just cause” prohibiting the marriage.
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### Author:  [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2013, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/11 "2013-08-16T18:03:31Z")
We included the phrase at our wedding. Why? Because we know that our friends are a bunch of smart-asses\*, and that having it there would severely tempt them to speak up, just to say something hilarious and be the center of attention - but that, because they love us, they wouldn’t want to ruin our big day - but they would really really want to - but they couldn’t…but…but…and their minds would go around in little circles for about 15 seconds.
So we were basically trolling our friends. Which is a FINE reason to include it.
\*both of us are involved in improvisational theatre. 'Nuff said.
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### Author:  [@janis\_and\_c0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/janis_and_c0)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2013, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/12 "2013-08-16T18:20:49Z")
When Mr. And\_c0 & I got married, instead of saying “speak now or forever hold your peace” he said “just keep it to yourself!!” \* it got a laugh.🙂
\*There was, in fact, no legal impediment exsisting, just so ya’ll know.
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### Author:  [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2013, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/13 "2013-08-16T18:30:42Z")
> [@hajario](#):
>
> How often do wedding ceremonies even use that question outside of Hollywood?
When I got married (24 years ago) the priest presented it as an option. He said it was basically a polite way of asking “does anyone know if either of these yahoos is married in another state” from back in the olden days when information wasn’t so easy to get from one location to another.
Basically, if you wanted the “traditional” wedding words you could have it as an option, but most folks went for the newer standard.
I suppose there are still some folks who want the “traditional” version (which also includes the bit about the wife obeying her husband) but I have the impression that it is very rarely used these days.
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### Author:  [@Rodgers01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rodgers01)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2013, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/14 "2013-08-16T19:23:11Z")
> [@Lemur866](#):
>
> The phrase isn’t an invitation for people who think the marriage is a bad idea to speak up. It is an invitation for people who know that the two people cannot be legally married to speak up. Like, say, if you know the groom has another wife in the next village, or that the bride is actually the groom’s mother.
Interesting - I didn’t know that. Are most people like me, though, in assuming it’s out there for the airing of personal objections? If so, are any ever expressed?
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### Author:  [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2013, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/15 "2013-08-16T19:29:28Z")
> [@Rodgers01](#):
>
> Interesting - I didn’t know that. Are most people like me, though, in assuming it’s out there for the airing of personal objections? If so, are any ever expressed?
That’s a pretty common belief and that’s how it’s usually played in the movies.
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### Author:  [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2013, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/16 "2013-08-16T19:57:12Z")
It happened on “Downton Abbey”, although in this case, it was the GROOM who said he really didn’t want to do this. He turned around and walked out of the church.
:eek:
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### Author:  [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2013, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/17 "2013-08-16T20:02:35Z")
I’ve found that most people neither speak now nor forever hold their peace.
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### Author:  [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2013, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/18 "2013-08-16T20:17:10Z")
Yes, if you are Marie Barone in _Everybody Loves Raymond._ She spoke so long that everyone - including the priest - sat down on the steps.
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### Author:  [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2013, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/19 "2013-08-16T20:17:23Z")
In my entire life (52 years), I’ve only been to one wedding where the officiant even asked the question.
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### Author:  [@slm2955](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slm2955)
#### Post date: [August 16, 2013, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/20 "2013-08-16T20:28:53Z")
I used to think about this all the time…of how embarrassing it would be if any one had any objections…
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