# At a wedding, does anyone ever actually "speak now" instead of "forever holding their peace"?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [August 16, 2013, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430 "2013-08-16T17:08:59Z")
**Posts on this page:** 12
**Page:** 3
### Author:  [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2013, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/41 "2013-08-17T10:36:07Z")
**ELAINE!!!i!!**
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### Author:  [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2013, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/42 "2013-08-17T13:42:34Z")
I’ve had a couple of couples ask me to include it. I will, and then when no one speaks, I use it as a segue into a little speechifying about how the community might consider their role in this marriage, and how their support in times of trial and tribulation will help to strengthen the marriage, and how gossip and judgey-judginess can weaken it.
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### Author:  [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2013, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/43 "2013-08-17T14:13:14Z")
> [@boozilu](#):
>
> FYI, it’s not part of the Catholic ceremony. The church posts the marriage banns in the bulletins for a few (three?) weeks prior to the wedding so if there is any legal issue it can be raised before the ceremony.
>
> Of course this assumes that everyone attends church and in the same parish as the wedding . . .
I don’t think publish it the bulletins anymore ( at least not everywhere)- but when they did, it wasn’t just in the parish where the wedding was to take place. The banns were published in every parish where the bride or groom had ever lived.
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### Author:  [@crucible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crucible)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2013, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/44 "2013-08-17T14:24:15Z")
the point about making a call for any legal reason why they can’t be married is a good one, but fails to address the question whether, if you find out the next day that the groom is now a bigamist…you still have to speak up, no matter what the minister/priest/marrying-Sam said.
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### Author:  [@crucible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crucible)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2013, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/45 "2013-08-17T14:26:56Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#):
>
> I have seen it happen a few times, usually in situations where the bride or groom had been lying about something their potential partner would probably consider a deal breaker and someone else spoke up rather than see the marriage go forward (and the resulting trainwreck of a divorce result). In all cases it was a move of last resorts by the speaker who had been trying to get the bride or groom to tell the truth prior to the actual ceremony.
Really? I can imagine that someone here saw it happen once, but…‘a few times’???
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### Author:  [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2013, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/46 "2013-08-17T15:15:47Z")
> [@shijinn](#):
>
> does that mean that, once upon a time, even had it been illegal; it would have been swept under the rug and ignored once the church ceremony is done?
I don’t think it would have been possible for the law or the church to ignore a case of bigamy. But if the legal problem with the marriage was that one of the parties was underage or there’d been some sort of procedural error relating to the banns or license then I’d guess that it would have been considered best to just let this go once the marriage had been performed.
Just speculating here, but this tradition dates back to a time when a woman known to have had pre-marital sex was considered seriously damaged goods. In the absence of other evidence it would have been polite to assume that an unmarried woman was a virgin, but the morning after her wedding a new bride would have been presumed to be a virgin no more…even if it turned out later that the wedding wasn’t legal to begin with. So if the marriage could be legally undone just by pointing out some bureaucratic error a day or more after the ceremony, the man could skip town and the woman’s life could be ruined.
Not being a virgin wouldn’t have been as big a deal for the not-quite-legally married man, but he would be vulnerable to blackmail if someone else had information that could void his marriage at any time. Ambiguity as to whether a marriage was really legal could also complicate the inheritance of titles and property by children born to this couple.
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### Author:  [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2013, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/47 "2013-08-17T15:41:51Z")
Have heard it often, though not of late, perhaps it’s finally gone the way of the dinosaurs?
What I always wanted to see, but never did, was, as the question is posed, for the bride to face the congregation, and, with finger to lips, make that conspiratorial, ‘Shhh!’ sound. I always thought that would be a good giggle!
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### Author:  [@ctnguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ctnguy)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2013, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/48 "2013-08-17T16:02:34Z")
> [@SanVito](#):
>
> I think it’s part of the legal wording for marriages in England and Wales. It has certainly been said at every wedding I have ever been to. And no, no one ever speaks up because the wording is pretty clear that it’s about legal obstructions ‘if anyone knows if any lawful impediment’.
It’s part of the service for Church of England marriages. In the _Book of Common Prayer_ [the wording is](http://www.churchofengland.org/prayer-worship/worship/book-of-common-prayer/the-form-of-solemnization-of-matrimony.aspx)
> [@](#):
>
> Therefore if any man can shew any just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace.
>
> _And also, speaking unto the persons that shall be married, he shall say,_
>
> I require and charge you both, as ye will answer at the dreadful day of judgement, when the secrets of all hearts shall be disclosed, that if either of you know any impediment, why ye may not be lawfully joined together in Matrimony, ye do now confess it. For be ye well assured, that so many as are coupled together otherwise than God’s Word doth allow are not joined together by God; neither is their Matrimony lawful.
and in the modern _Common Worship_ [it is](http://www.churchofengland.org/prayer-worship/worship/texts/pastoral/marriage/marriage.aspx)
> [@](#):
>
> _The minister says to the congregation_
>
> First, I am required to ask anyone present who knows a reason why these persons may not lawfully marry, to declare it now.
>
> _The minister says to the couple_
>
> The vows you are about to take are to be made in the presence of God, who is judge of all and knows all the secrets of our hearts; therefore if either of you knows a reason why you may not lawfully marry, you must declare it now.
However, for non-CofE marriages [the law](http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/Geo6/12-13-14/76/section/44) does not require the audience to be asked; only the spouses have to declare that they are legally allowed to marry:
> [@](#):
>
> (3) Where a marriage is solemnized in a registered building each of the persons contracting the marriage shall, in some part of the ceremony and in the presence of the witnesses and the registrar or authorised person, make the following declaration:—
>
> “I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawful impediment why I, AB, may not be joined in matrimony to CD”
>
> and each of them shall say to the other:—
>
> “I call upon these persons here present to witness that I, AB, do take thee, CD, to be my lawful wedded wife [or husband]”:
>
> (3A) As an alternative to the declaration set out in subsection (3) of this section the persons contracting the marriage may make the requisite declaration either—
>
> (a) by saying “I declare that I know of no legal reason why I [name] may not be joined in marriage to [name]”; or
>
> (b) by replying “I am” to the question put to them successively “Are you [name] free lawfully to marry [name]?”;
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### Author:  [@Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Springtime_for_Spacers)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2013, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/49 "2013-08-17T17:10:32Z")
Where a couple are conducting a sham marriage for immigration purposes they are often busted during the actual ceremony by immigration officials. That way they can show them actually carrying out an illegal act rather than just planning one. Sometimes other conspirators, including the celebrant are caught up in the swoop. I’m not sure if they actually wait for the lawful impediment bit though.
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### Author:  [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2013, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/50 "2013-08-17T17:18:32Z")
> [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](#):
>
> We included the phrase at our wedding. Why? Because we know that our friends are a bunch of smart-asses\*, and that having it there would severely tempt them to speak up, just to say something hilarious and be the center of attention - but that, because they love us, they wouldn’t want to ruin our big day - but they would really really want to - but they couldn’t…but…but…and their minds would go around in little circles for about 15 seconds.
>
> So we were basically trolling our friends. Which is a FINE reason to include it.
>
> \*both of us are involved in improvisational theatre. 'Nuff said.
It would have been great if EVERY person in the room had stood up and started talking at the same time!
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### Author:  [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2013, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/51 "2013-08-17T17:39:14Z")
> [@Nava](#):
>
> It’s not about that, it’s about things like “by the way, was your divorce finalized? Actually, did you ever get around to serving your previous spouse?”
And possibly things like the mother of the groom revealing that the father of the bride was also the father of the groom…
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### Author:  [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)
#### Post date: [August 17, 2013, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-a-wedding-does-anyone-ever-actually-speak-now-instead-of-forever-holding-their-peace/666430/52 "2013-08-17T17:40:34Z")
> [@crucible](#):
>
> Really? I can imagine that someone here saw it happen once, but…‘a few times’???
I wondered that too.
There’s a woman who posts on another board I frequent who is a domestic violence survivor, and claims that over the years, she’s had FOUR close friends murdered by their husbands. These are educated middle-class American women, too, and when it’s pointed out to her that this is not normal and indicates that she associates with people who have very serious issues WRT the men they choose to be with, the replying poster will get shot down. :smack:
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