# At least kiss me if you're going to knead my Danish like that **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 18, 2003, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-least-kiss-me-if-youre-going-to-knead-my-danish-like-that/162288 "2003-03-18T15:52:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-least-kiss-me-if-youre-going-to-knead-my-danish-like-that/162288/21 "2003-03-18T21:18:20Z")
It shouldn’t surprise me that someone named **Homebrew** is trying to get me to succumb to coffee, otherwise known as Satan’s Beverage[sup]TM[/sup]. I have few prejudices and active hatreds in life; they are carefully honed and perfected over time. Coffee, tomatoes, my wife’s low-cut shirts she insists on wearing to her office … don’t deprive me of these things that I love to hate. Did you know that Saddam Hussein is absolutely _addicted_ to coffee? Can’t do anything at all without drinking a cup? I find this information highly interesting, despite the fact that I just made it up. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-least-kiss-me-if-youre-going-to-knead-my-danish-like-that/162288/22 "2003-03-18T21:22:53Z")
But would it be a male or female hot dog? And you don’t need to fear the Nederland Police, they are very Polite 😉 ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-least-kiss-me-if-youre-going-to-knead-my-danish-like-that/162288/23 "2003-03-18T21:57:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sauron \* > Absolutely nothing. I mixed up The Netherlands and Denmark in my haste to make a bad joke. My apologies. I can’t complain. I opened this thread trying to figure out a way to drag **Montfort** into it. ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-least-kiss-me-if-youre-going-to-knead-my-danish-like-that/162288/24 "2003-03-18T22:18:12Z")
> [@](#): > > Did you know that Saddam Hussein is absolutely addicted to coffee? Can’t do anything at all without drinking a cup? I find this information highly interesting, despite the fact that I just made it up. That’s what I like about this place: the continual fight against ignorance. 🙂 Great rant. ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-least-kiss-me-if-youre-going-to-knead-my-danish-like-that/162288/25 "2003-03-18T23:30:08Z")
A thing of beauty, \*\*Sauron. \*\* Hope you don’t mind, but I sent it on to **Euty** to consider for Teemings Extras. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_can_t_believe_that_s_butter)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-least-kiss-me-if-youre-going-to-knead-my-danish-like-that/162288/26 "2003-03-18T23:36:18Z")
Damn ham-fisted clerks. I hate 'em too. Scheming bastards. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-least-kiss-me-if-youre-going-to-knead-my-danish-like-that/162288/27 "2003-03-19T01:28:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bippy the Beardless \* > **But would it be a male or female hot dog?** Have you _seen_ a hot dog? I don’t know what species you are, but on this planet that’s a male shape 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Demise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/34f0e0/32.png) [@Demise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Demise)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-least-kiss-me-if-youre-going-to-knead-my-danish-like-that/162288/28 "2003-03-19T02:30:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Joe K \* > **Damn ham-fisted clerks.** They’re fisting hams??? Oh, the humanity! ---
**Author:** ![butter\_pie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aca169/32.png) [@butter\_pie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butter_pie)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-least-kiss-me-if-youre-going-to-knead-my-danish-like-that/162288/29 "2003-03-19T06:13:14Z")
This thread is making me hungry. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-least-kiss-me-if-youre-going-to-knead-my-danish-like-that/162288/30 "2003-03-19T14:09:03Z")
I’m honored, **Persephone**. Thank you. I had a brief encounter with the same clerk this morning, because, once again, I was changeless. This time I intentionally did _not_ purchase a blueberry and cream cheese Danish. He was still flustered when I got to the counter, though, obviously remembering his transgression from yesterday. After he’d rung up my purchase and given me my change, he accidentally hit the edge of the open cash drawer and knocked change everywhere. He was still standing there in shock as I walked out the door. Ah, karma. ---
**Author:** ![Meros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@Meros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meros)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-least-kiss-me-if-youre-going-to-knead-my-danish-like-that/162288/31 "2003-03-19T14:32:45Z")
Dam you **Sauron** thanks to that rant I have the scene from VanWilder continuously playing in my mind…you know…the one with the errr…“contaminated” pastries? ::::: repeatedly slams head between door and frame to knock the image from my mind:::: ---
**Author:** ![obfusciatrist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4af34b/32.png) [@obfusciatrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/obfusciatrist)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-least-kiss-me-if-youre-going-to-knead-my-danish-like-that/162288/32 "2003-03-19T16:24:51Z")
Let’s see here: You bought a Diet Coke so that you’d have change for the Pepsi machine. Then you bought a danish to rectify the low-blood sugar that the Coke can’t solve since it is diet. You should have just bought a regular Coke and gone home for the day. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-least-kiss-me-if-youre-going-to-knead-my-danish-like-that/162288/33 "2003-03-19T16:56:41Z")
Well, actually, I bought the Diet Coke to get my caffeine fix. By doing that, I figured I’d have change for the rest of the week for the drink machine at work (three dollar bills plus a handful of change). I didn’t count on having to stop by the grocery store last night on the way home, thus spending my three dollars. However, I **do** like the way you think regarding regular Coke and going home for the day. I might have to start thinking along those lines. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-least-kiss-me-if-youre-going-to-knead-my-danish-like-that/162288/34 "2003-03-19T19:52:33Z")
**Sauron** , I’m with you on the diet soda instead of coffee thing. But yeah, it’s not as effective with caffeine. That’s why I must purchase a 32 ouncer every day at lunch from the cafeteria. They know me by my purchase. I swear if they offered a bigger cup, I’d buy it and drink it just as quickly. I am so ashamed… ---
**Author:** ![Rune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e68b1a/32.png) [@Rune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rune)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-least-kiss-me-if-youre-going-to-knead-my-danish-like-that/162288/35 "2003-03-19T22:05:58Z")
It really suck when we get kneaded by strangers – happens all the time. :mad: > [@](#): > > I mixed up The Netherlands and Denmark in my haste to make a bad joke. You are, of course, aware it’s a capital offense to mix up illustrious Denmark, paragon of nations – beauty of the world, with anything as lowly as the Netherlands. Probably there’s an execution team on your way right this moment. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-least-kiss-me-if-youre-going-to-knead-my-danish-like-that/162288/36 "2003-03-19T22:17:05Z")
My abject and heartfelt apologies to the illustrious nation of Denmark. The next time I tongue blueberry filling from my Danish, I will think longingly of you. ---
**Author:** ![sperfur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9adbd/32.png) [@sperfur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sperfur)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-least-kiss-me-if-youre-going-to-knead-my-danish-like-that/162288/37 "2003-03-20T02:54:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sauron \* > \*\*I find this information highly interesting, despite the fact that I just made it up. \*\* This sentence is a thing of beauty. I will use it somehow tomorrow at work. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-least-kiss-me-if-youre-going-to-knead-my-danish-like-that/162288/38 "2003-03-20T04:43:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Meros \* > \*\*Dam you **Sauron** thanks to that rant I have the scene from VanWilder continuously playing in my mind…you know…the one with the errr…“contaminated” pastries? > ::::: repeatedly slams head between door and frame to knock the image from my mind:::: \*\* Damn You! I was enjoying this thread until your brought _that_ up. Ryan Reynolds is one of God’s most beautiful creatures, but do I ever wish I’d never seen that scene. That was the most stomach turning thing I’ve \*_ever_ seen in a movie. \ ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-least-kiss-me-if-youre-going-to-knead-my-danish-like-that/162288/39 "2003-03-20T10:50:37Z")
“knead your Danish” “I like it when you knead my Danish” “Honey, let me knead your Danish” that’s rather good; I think I might use it in bed tonight. ---
**Author:** ![big\_alex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e56c9b/32.png) [@big\_alex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/big_alex)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-least-kiss-me-if-youre-going-to-knead-my-danish-like-that/162288/40 "2003-03-20T13:29:50Z")
I agree with you Sauron, coffee is rank ☹ Sometimes feel a bit out of place at this message board, what with all the coffee lovers around. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-least-kiss-me-if-youre-going-to-knead-my-danish-like-that/162288.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-least-kiss-me-if-youre-going-to-knead-my-danish-like-that/162288.md?page=3)