# At the risk of being crude, that's only five, Paul. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 8, 2010, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-the-risk-of-being-crude-thats-only-five-paul/549574 "2010-08-08T03:29:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-the-risk-of-being-crude-thats-only-five-paul/549574/21 "2010-08-08T05:04:03Z")
1. Get caught with a girl, Earl. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-the-risk-of-being-crude-thats-only-five-paul/549574/22 "2010-08-08T05:06:12Z")
Get a restraining order, Porter. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-the-risk-of-being-crude-thats-only-five-paul/549574/23 "2010-08-08T05:07:47Z")
> [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](#): > > 1. Tell her you’re gay, Ray > [@42fish](#): > > Tell her you’re gay, Ray Are you guys psychic or something? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-the-risk-of-being-crude-thats-only-five-paul/549574/24 "2010-08-08T05:09:20Z")
Insult her appearance, Clarence. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Jeffrey\_Lebowski](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_jeffrey_lebowski/32/215_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Jeffrey\_Lebowski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Jeffrey_Lebowski)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-the-risk-of-being-crude-thats-only-five-paul/549574/25 "2010-08-08T05:09:55Z")
1. Mix some poison in her borscht, Horst. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-the-risk-of-being-crude-thats-only-five-paul/549574/26 "2010-08-08T05:21:29Z")
Commit her to an asylum, Hyram. Arguably unacceptable ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Jeffrey\_Lebowski](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_jeffrey_lebowski/32/215_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Jeffrey\_Lebowski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Jeffrey_Lebowski)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-the-risk-of-being-crude-thats-only-five-paul/549574/27 "2010-08-08T05:23:50Z")
1. Kick her to the curb, Herb. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-the-risk-of-being-crude-thats-only-five-paul/549574/28 "2010-08-08T05:26:20Z")
I heard a parody called “50 Ways to Beat Your Lover” by Alliota, Haynes & Jeremiah. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-the-risk-of-being-crude-thats-only-five-paul/549574/29 "2010-08-08T05:30:18Z")
1. Run like hell, Mel. ---
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-the-risk-of-being-crude-thats-only-five-paul/549574/30 "2010-08-08T05:55:20Z")
See [this old thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=481147&highlight=leave+lover), Jed. I think Sonny and Cher did a sketch about this, back in the day. Or maybe it was just Cher. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-the-risk-of-being-crude-thats-only-five-paul/549574/31 "2010-08-08T14:05:08Z")
1. Tell her it’s not her, it’s you, Stu. ---
**Author:** ![Tanbarkie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a698b9/32.png) [@Tanbarkie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tanbarkie)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-the-risk-of-being-crude-thats-only-five-paul/549574/32 "2010-08-08T14:13:22Z")
> [@TWDuke](#): > > See [this old thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=481147&highlight=leave+lover), Jed. > > I think Sonny and Cher did a sketch about this, back in the day. Or maybe it was just Cher. Run and take the money, Sonny. ---
**Author:** ![tattman40](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/db5fbb/32.png) [@tattman40](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tattman40)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-the-risk-of-being-crude-thats-only-five-paul/549574/33 "2010-08-08T14:27:59Z")
Cover her in phlegm, Clem Slap her with your knob, Rob Feed her to a pig, Zig ---
**Author:** ![campp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@campp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/campp)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-the-risk-of-being-crude-thats-only-five-paul/549574/34 "2010-08-08T14:28:34Z")
1. Hit the trail, Gayle. ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-the-risk-of-being-crude-thats-only-five-paul/549574/35 "2010-08-08T14:31:49Z")
> [@Snarky\_Kong](#): > > > [@wolfman](#): > > > > 9.Head out to the lawn, Ron If were’re doing this: ? Doing what? ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-the-risk-of-being-crude-thats-only-five-paul/549574/36 "2010-08-08T14:49:42Z")
> [@Tanbarkie](#): > > > [@TWDuke](#): > > > > See [this old thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=481147&highlight=leave+lover), Jed. > > > > I think Sonny and Cher did a sketch about this, back in the day. Or maybe it was just Cher. > > Run and take the money, Sonny. Ski into a tree, Sonny. ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-the-risk-of-being-crude-thats-only-five-paul/549574/37 "2010-08-08T14:59:31Z")
> [@wolfman](#): > > > [@Snarky\_Kong](#): > > > > If were’re doing this: > > ? Doing what? Near rhymes instead of actual rhymes. ---
**Author:** ![Yodalicious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yodalicious/32/8195_2.png) [@Yodalicious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yodalicious)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-the-risk-of-being-crude-thats-only-five-paul/549574/38 "2010-08-08T15:06:59Z")
Serve her Spam, Sam Tell her she’s to bony, Tony Punch her in the eye, Guy Knock out her teeth, Keith ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-the-risk-of-being-crude-thats-only-five-paul/549574/39 "2010-08-08T15:12:30Z")
Jump off a cliff…Cliff. ---
**Author:** ![Sitnam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Sitnam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sitnam)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2010, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-the-risk-of-being-crude-thats-only-five-paul/549574/40 "2010-08-08T15:17:15Z")
Accuse him of banging a hoe, Flo Hide the glove away, OJ Pimp slap her with you mic, Ike Demand BJ’s from your cell, Mel Go big boobed tattooed and messy, Jesse That’s enough [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-the-risk-of-being-crude-thats-only-five-paul/549574.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-the-risk-of-being-crude-thats-only-five-paul/549574.md?page=3)