# At what age does someone being a virgin a dealbreaker for you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 13, 2010, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052 "2010-06-13T22:26:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/186 "2013-05-28T20:50:31Z")
**Digital** -Having morals you disagree with is a dealbreaker? ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/187 "2013-05-28T21:02:36Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > **Digital** -Having morals you disagree with is a dealbreaker? How would that not be a dealbreaker for anyone, for certain morals? ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/188 "2013-05-28T21:19:17Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > **Digital** -Having morals you disagree with is a dealbreaker? Uh, yes? how is not being compatible on a basic level not a deal breaker? ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/189 "2013-05-28T21:29:13Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > **Digital** -Having morals you disagree with is a dealbreaker? Hells bells, that’s the only dealbreaker there is! ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/190 "2013-05-29T01:33:56Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > **Digital** -Having morals you disagree with is a dealbreaker? Duh. ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/191 "2013-05-29T05:44:32Z")
Not at all. I’d prefer virgins actually. Granted I’m 16… ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/192 "2013-05-29T17:19:28Z")
> [@etv78](#): > > **Digital** -Having morals you disagree with is a dealbreaker? Person A just will not marry someone with whom they have not yet had sex Person B just will not have sex with someone without marrying them first Deal broken. No harm, no foul - parties shake hands and move on. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2013, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/193 "2013-05-30T02:47:21Z")
> [@colander](#): > > Maybe, but any “worthlessness” they feel for being virgins probably predates them ever even having had an intimate conversation with a woman about their condition. indeed. ---
**Author:** ![tim-n-va](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim-n-va/32/3001_2.png) [@tim-n-va](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim-n-va)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2013, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/194 "2013-05-30T12:21:32Z")
I’m having trouble understanding the focus on virginity. For those women who wouldn’t want a 30+ year old virgin, if he visits a hooker on this 35th birthday, suddenly he’s okay? ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2013, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/195 "2013-05-30T13:12:00Z")
> [@tim-n-va](#): > > I’m having trouble understanding the focus on virginity. For those women who wouldn’t want a 30+ year old virgin, if he visits a hooker on this 35th birthday, suddenly he’s okay? No. Not all non-virgins are sexually normal, but all (older) virgins are sexually abnormal. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2013, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/196 "2013-05-30T13:30:35Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > No. Not all non-virgins are sexually normal, but all (older) virgins are sexually abnormal. Abnormal in the sense that most people aren’t virgins later in life? Given. Abnormal in some bad way that means the person isn’t worth dating? Laughably offensive. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2013, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/197 "2013-05-30T14:02:47Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > Abnormal in the sense that most people aren’t virgins later in life? Given. > > Abnormal in some bad way that means the person isn’t worth dating? Laughably offensive. Abnormal meaning they have not have normal sexual experiences. Most people my age (early 30s) have had previous long term relationships, probably a few hookups, etc. I certainly have my own past, and I don’t have the energy to deal with someone who is in such a different place, sexually, than I am- and that’s not getting to whatever the underlying cause (which certainly is also something abnormal.) Anyway, if you have something about you that is unattractive to potential dates, the solution is not to whine about feeling worthless. Either you fix it, compensate for it, or adjust your expectations. Nobody owes anyone a chance. ---
**Author:** ![lowlyGiant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lowlyGiant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lowlyGiant)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2013, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/198 "2013-06-22T10:57:30Z")
I’m a 29 year-old man, still a virgin…I think. I was raped once when I was younger by a disgusting post-menopausal woman… I was just recently in a relationship for 2 years. I’m fairly certain anything I could get now would be pity-sex, so I just reject all girls flat-out, before they have a chance to get hurt. I don’t care if I’m a virgin till I die at 130, because I honestly find myself battling thoughts like, “all girls are evil.” I’ve apparently got baggage – even though I’ve never boarded the damn plane 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Dog80](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6bbea6/32.png) [@Dog80](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dog80)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2013, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/199 "2013-06-22T16:50:11Z")
I frequent a dating/marriage advice forum. After reading the stories there for a while, I have come to the conclusion that as a rule of thumb, people that remain virgin at an advanced age or insist on having sex only after marriage, fall into two categories: 1. Asexual (little or no interest in sex) and/or 2. Have major issues, hangups or past trauma concerning sex. These people won’t hesitate to use religion too as an excuse to appear “normal”. That said, I wouldn’t have a problem hooking up with a late virgin, as long as marriage is not a requirement to have sex. However, I would be mentally prepared to abandon ship at the drop of a hat if the sex is bad/infrequent. ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2013, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/200 "2013-06-22T18:13:57Z")
> [@bk666](#): > > It does seem that women are very, very unforgiving of male virginity or inexperience. > No wonder male virgins or inexperienced males in general feel so worthless. It wouldn’t bother me- so long as there wasn’t some glaring personality flaw- it’s not a red flag in itself for me. A guy who doesn’t feel angry or entitled about it, but was just never good with girls- fine. Sexual experience is not in itself any indicator of how good someone is in a relationship or in bed, it’s just an indicator of how good they are at _getting into_ the aforementioned. I tend to go for the geeky, slightly awkward type anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2013, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/201 "2013-06-22T19:10:24Z")
My boyfriend at not-quite-30 was a virgin before we met. I didn’t have a problem with it. It’s not that he never had the opportunity, he just wanted to wait to have meaningfulsex (not religious, he just wanted love first). And he was bullied a lot in his teen years, so he didn’t get to practice relationships like most people do. But he’s the best guy I’ve ever dated–even sexually. The good thing about dating a male virgin, in my experience, is his lack of baggage about sex. After a certain point, though, (40?) I can imagine that many/most women may not want to have to train a guy how to please a woman. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2013, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/202 "2013-06-22T19:42:56Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#): > > The good thing about dating a male virgin, in my experience, is his lack of baggage about sex. Depending on what you mean by “baggage”, I’d think it would be quite the opposite. Someone (male or female) who has reached an advanced age while still being a virgin would likely have created some unrealistic notions of what sex really is and because of this would create their own barriers to enjoying it. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2013, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/203 "2013-06-22T19:49:37Z")
> [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](#): > > Not at all. I’d prefer virgins actually. Granted I’m 16… Seriously, mate, once you’re of age you’ll benefit from an older woman teaching you how to please her. Your future girlfriends will benefit too. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2013, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/204 "2013-06-23T01:15:53Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#): > > My boyfriend at not-quite-30 was a virgin before we met. I didn’t have a problem with it. It’s not that he never had the opportunity, he just wanted to wait to have meaningfulsex (not religious, he just wanted love first). And he was bullied a lot in his teen years, so he didn’t get to practice relationships like most people do. But he’s the best guy I’ve ever dated–even sexually. The good thing about dating a male virgin, in my experience, is his lack of baggage about sex. > > After a certain point, though, (40?) I can imagine that many/most women may not want to have to train a guy how to please a woman. welp, looks like I’m totally hosed. ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2013, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/205 "2013-06-23T01:40:41Z")
Female – it wouldn’t matter to me, and I can’t believe it’d actually matter to anyone. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052.md?page=11)