# At what age does someone being a virgin a dealbreaker for you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 13, 2010, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052 "2010-06-13T22:26:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![SSgtBaloo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@SSgtBaloo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSgtBaloo)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2011, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/145 "2011-04-10T23:05:20Z")
Virgin because she’s been saving it for me? Not a problem. Virgin because she doesn’t ever want have sex for any reason at all? Big, BIG problem that negates any perceived perfection prior to this revelation. A big, juicy steak dinner made of plastic is just an advertisement for the real McCoy, not a substitute for it. ETA: Substitute “bowl of wax fruit” if you don’t eat meat. The principle’s the same. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2011, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/146 "2011-04-11T00:00:25Z")
I’ve read this thread with great personal interest. I am an atheist and I don’t think I’m a prude. I am just pathologically introverted/shy. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2011, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/147 "2011-04-11T00:02:02Z")
> [@melvaughn](#): > > No I’m not joking…non-virgins, are pathetic and worthless creatures. LOSERS! haha That’s a fine way to talk about your own mother. ---
**Author:** ![Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aji_de_gallina/32/260_2.png) [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aji_de_Gallina)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2011, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/148 "2011-04-11T00:28:06Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > That’s a fine way to talk about your own mother. What do you mean? That MY mom had sex too??? ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2011, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/150 "2011-04-11T00:31:58Z")
> [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](#): > > What do you mean? That MY mom had sex too??? No, no, Jesus. Calm down. Come back over the lake and sit down. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2011, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/151 "2011-04-11T00:53:42Z")
> [@melvaughn](#): > > Aww, did I hurt your feelings? Don’t feel bad. Not everyone has the values to stay a virgin? Don’t beat yourself up for being a skank! Remember, therapy is always an option when you wake one day and realize you’re a loser (but hey, at least the sex life is good right?) You’ve got THAT going for you at least!!! haha > > God, you people are way to fun to mess with…haha > > Anyway, I’m moving on…(have fun discussing how ‘superior’ you all like to pretend to be because you know how to use your dick…) Hilarious. I’m a picture of sexual conservatism. I haven’t so much as held hands with another woman besides my wife in 21 years. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2011, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/152 "2011-04-11T00:59:44Z")
> [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](#): > > What do you mean? That MY mom had sex too??? Don’t worry. It was just once, and she probably wasn’t prepared. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2011, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/153 "2011-04-11T01:05:32Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Hilarious. I’m a picture of sexual conservatism. I haven’t so much as held hands with another woman besides my wife in 21 years. That’s irrelevant. I haven’t so much as held hands with another man in 23 years, but that hardly makes me a sexual conservative. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2011, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/154 "2011-04-11T03:40:09Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > That’s irrelevant. I haven’t so much as held hands with another man in 23 years, but that hardly makes me a sexual conservative. 😃 Yeah, but I think you might technically still qualify as a “virgin” if you’ve never done it with a woman. ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2011, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/155 "2011-04-11T15:23:20Z")
No, I don’t think so. Virginity is not tied to gender, at least in my mind. Sex is sex is sex. And from the bits I’ve read, \*\*panache \*\*is most definitely \*not \*a virgin. ---
**Author:** ![VernWinterbottom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c67d28/32.png) [@VernWinterbottom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VernWinterbottom)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2011, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/156 "2011-04-11T20:02:07Z")
I’m an older person, so I think I’m more open to the idea of late virginity than those a generation younger. I was born a couple of years before the introduction of The Pill, was raised Catholic and grew up in a relatively small New England town which was pretty much bypassed by the sexual revolution. There were a combination of lingering traditional beliefs in those days that could easily cause “good” people to postpone sex. Those included the religious and old-fashioned social idea of waiting until marriage, concern about the unreliability of birth control methods and a certain amount of fear of sexually transmitted diseases. Those reaching sexual maturity at a time when most of the media still portrayed “free love” as crazy, hippy, druggy behavior were not all as eager as today’s young people to engage in sex “before they were ready.” (Ready to settle down with a good job and make babies.) The most reliable way of assuring you didn’t accidentally create a baby or “catch something” before you finished college and secured a good job was to wait at least until age 22 and then try to find a partner who, like you, was a virgin. So it seems weird to me to read about someone’s virginity at the age of 25 or maybe even 30 being a deal breaker. In my own case I had sex, using a condom, before finishing college, but I worried somewhat about the possible consequences. I did not date a lot and reserved sex for partners that I intended to have a long term relationship with. Between the age of 19 and thirty-something when I met my future wife, I’d had just three sexual partners. (And during that time period the AIDS scare occured and reached its peak.) Today, reliable birth control has been the norm for generations, a lot of old religious beliefs are being modified, and the headlines are not so full of stories of people dying of a mysterious new STD. So late virginity is viewed as quaint or even odd. All that said, since the OP is addressing TODAY, I’d say I would think it somewhat unusual for someone older than mid-twenties to be a virgin, but it wouldn’t be a deal breaker. Today the deal breaker is that I’m happily married, so any virgin of any age is out of the question. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/157 "2011-04-12T01:55:48Z")
> [@melvaughn](#): > > Aww, did I hurt your feelings? Don’t feel bad. Not everyone has the values to stay a virgin? Don’t beat yourself up for being a skank! Remember, therapy is always an option when you wake one day and realize you’re a loser (but hey, at least the sex life is good right?) You’ve got THAT going for you at least!!! haha > > God, you people are way to fun to mess with…haha > > Anyway, I’m moving on…(have fun discussing how ‘superior’ you all like to pretend to be because you know how to use your dick…) **melvaughn** , either you are trolling or else you do not know when a joke has run its course. Either way, goodbye. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2011, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/158 "2011-04-12T23:42:51Z")
I am 37. If I was single and met a guy my age who was a virgin it would absolutey be a dealbreaker. I can’t imagine having to teach a man my own age how to be sexually proficient. I don’t have the time or patience for that sort of thing. That’s what hookers are for! Lol . But honestly it might be unseemly to some, but I see nothing at all wrong with a man hiring an escort to show him the ropes and give him a little confidence. And frankly, if the guy is over 35, that might be the only way it’s gonna happen unless he miraculously finds his virgin love-match. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2011, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/159 "2011-04-16T03:26:19Z")
> [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](#): > > 41 year old female here. I have a son, and a c-section scar so there’s my bona fide that I am not a virgin. > > About 5.5 years ago I dated a guy who wasn’t actually a virgin but had only one LTR and that had been for 6 months 12 years prior, which would have made him early 30s when that happened. He had been a virgin before that and had had exactly two one night stands in the intervening 12 years. Trust me, his inexperience showed, and he had very little capacity for learning. The theory I’ve heard is that us older virgins end up like your guy from 5.5 years ago or we are really kinky. ---
**Author:** ![gg85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3d9bf3/32.png) [@gg85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gg85)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/160 "2012-09-02T12:59:01Z")
well i just turned 27 and im one. My life has been pretty weird dropped out of highschool at 17 when my parents split up. Went back and took the G.E.D. And i find that it was a few things one of which being a lack of good opportunities. Dated a girl for a year who i wasnt all that compatible with she was a spoiled Bit$% type and didnt really do it for me. And other opportunities were 2 girls wanted to hang out with me and my friend and they basically went all the way with each other and then wanted to get it in with us. Yeah it sounds good my friends but for myself it didnt really translate to a relaxing environment for a first timer. Plus living with your parents who arent exactly keen on having you bang girls in your room doesn’t help. The biggest thing i noticed was after about 22-23 i met way less girls in general being a 9-5 working stiff and havent went to college yet ---
**Author:** ![gg85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3d9bf3/32.png) [@gg85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gg85)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/161 "2012-09-02T13:01:39Z")
the last relationship i was in was with a slu7 girl and i was down to F and i told her i was a virgin and shes like we’ll learn together and then she banged my cousin and my friend. Ha kinda decided to take a break for awhile after that ---
**Author:** ![gg85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3d9bf3/32.png) [@gg85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gg85)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/162 "2012-09-02T13:03:13Z")
after i totally destroyed her emotionally off course ---
**Author:** ![gg85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3d9bf3/32.png) [@gg85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gg85)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/163 "2012-09-02T13:04:16Z")
oh yeah not to mention a lack of preparation how many times you get frisky and then forget you dont have condoms. Atleast twice for me. And one of them was a great girl ---
**Author:** ![gg85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3d9bf3/32.png) [@gg85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gg85)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/164 "2012-09-02T13:11:16Z")
i guess it might be hard to let your guard down after you open up to someone and then they cheat on you with a family member ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2012, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052/165 "2012-09-02T13:18:06Z")
> [@gg85](#): > > after i totally destroyed her emotionally off course Cool story, bro. This thread is two years old, so many of the original participants may have moved on. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-age-does-someone-being-a-virgin-a-dealbreaker-for-you/543052.md?page=9)