# At what point does a grownup not doing grownup things seem strange to you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 26, 2011, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-does-a-grownup-not-doing-grownup-things-seem-strange-to-you/586921 "2011-06-26T18:10:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-does-a-grownup-not-doing-grownup-things-seem-strange-to-you/586921/141 "2011-06-30T21:58:27Z")
I think of sex as something that accompanies any romantic relationship between adults, so unless you’ve got religion and are saving yourself for Jesus or something, a 35 year old virgin hasn’t had sex because… he’s never been in a relationship? Also, sex isn’t necessarily a matter of convincing someone to take their pants off. Sometimes when a man and woman like each other very much, they like to spend time with each other and take their clothes off. It’s a very healthy and normal way of expressing affection for the person you’re with, and for someone to not have experienced this into adulthood strikes me as, I dunno, a wee bit of stunted development. I must say I’m having a hard time understanding this cavalier dismissal of sex being something most adults should have done before graduating college, let alone hitting 25 or 30. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-does-a-grownup-not-doing-grownup-things-seem-strange-to-you/586921/142 "2011-06-30T22:03:35Z")
I went to a comic book convention here in SA this past weekend and I gotta tell ya - seeing people older than I (44) dress up as superheroes and movie characters… I felt embarrassed for them. I’m like “You know, I’m glad you enjoyed the movies and such, but you’re 50 years old, a member of something called ‘Empire Galactic’, and you’re dressed like Princess Leia. Are you feeling OK?” ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-does-a-grownup-not-doing-grownup-things-seem-strange-to-you/586921/143 "2011-06-30T22:43:55Z")
> [@Silver Tyger Girl](#): > > Having sex? Uh… you can convince someone to sleep with you? If you have a kid, yeah, you’re going to (hopefully) mature real quick. So I’d say choosing to abstain, can be a symptom (but not a cause) of maturity more than having sex. (Of course, I mean choosing to abstain, not can’t find someone, having no interest, etc.) I’d say being able to be in a healthy relationship (not just having sex) is a sign of maturity, and being in a healthy relationship involves sex. Not that being single is a sign of immaturity, but most single people have been/will be in a relationship at some point. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Tyger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Silver\_Tyger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Tyger)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-does-a-grownup-not-doing-grownup-things-seem-strange-to-you/586921/144 "2011-06-30T23:32:22Z")
> [@woodstockbirdybird](#): > > I’d say being able to be in a healthy relationship (not just having sex) is a sign of maturity, and being in a healthy relationship involves sex. Not that being single is a sign of immaturity, but most single people have been/will be in a relationship at some point. Except no one was saying relationship. I’ve been in a relationship, but never bothered to get birth control and so didn’t have sex. I’m not saying I’m mature, but I think choosing to not do it in that sort of situation is more mature than, say, knowing you’re on a drug that makes birth control not work, having sex anyway, and getting pregnant (happened to my cousin. Then her son was taken away and is being raised by his grandmother.) ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-does-a-grownup-not-doing-grownup-things-seem-strange-to-you/586921/145 "2011-06-30T23:39:40Z")
I guess I don’t understand not “bothering to get birth control” if you’re in a relationship (and by birth control, I’m including condoms) and thus not having sex. I’ve never been in or known of a healthy relationship where both partners _didn’t_ want to have sex. Sounds more “dysfunctional” than mature. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2011, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-does-a-grownup-not-doing-grownup-things-seem-strange-to-you/586921/146 "2011-06-30T23:43:13Z")
Regarding sex (or not) in a relationship, there are people who are asexual, who don’t feel interest in engaging in sexual behavior, but who are still interested in being in romantic relationships with others. If both partners in a relationship are comfortable with their sexual relations (or lack thereof), then I wouldn’t consider a lack of sex to be an indication of immaturity. ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-does-a-grownup-not-doing-grownup-things-seem-strange-to-you/586921/147 "2011-07-01T00:19:58Z")
Nor would I necessarily, though that doesn’t seem to be the case in this instance. In any event, I’m not trying to pry into personal lives, just giving my$0.02. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-does-a-grownup-not-doing-grownup-things-seem-strange-to-you/586921/148 "2011-07-01T00:42:11Z")
I don’t know, some of these things can be caused by sheer bad luck. My girlfriend’s parents refused to let her get a permit/license, and now she’s 20, still living with her parents going to school. Her parents constantly ask her why she doesn’t have her license, but refuse to teach her to drive. Say she should take lessons? Doesn’t have a job, parents won’t fund it. She should get a job? Everything in both towns is way out of walking distance (minimum is probably 4 or 5 miles), and not bike friendly, and parents refuse to drive her to them regardless (they try to block her attempts to get a job, saying she should focus on school). We’re trying to work on getting her permit now so she can learn to drive with me, but it’s kind of uphill since her parents constantly nag her about being licenseless, but absolutely refuse to allow her to do anything about it. > [@woodstockbirdybird](#): > > I guess I don’t understand not “bothering to get birth control” if you’re in a relationship (and by birth control, I’m including condoms) and thus not having sex. I’ve never been in or known of a healthy relationship where both partners _didn’t_ want to have sex. Sounds more “dysfunctional” than mature. My relationship doesn’t have as much sex as I’d like because we rely on condoms instead of birth control, and it kind of freaks my gf out in the pregnancy department, however see above for not having money for birth control. And on top of that, she doesn’t want to because apparently last time she was on birth control (previous bf) she acted and felt like she was PMSing all the time, and it wasn’t healthy for the relationship or her state of mind (it was miserable for both of them since she was constantly getting mad and feeling like an emotional rollercoaster). I mean, I can see the point of no sex period, but I can see no birth control. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Tyger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Silver\_Tyger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Tyger)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-does-a-grownup-not-doing-grownup-things-seem-strange-to-you/586921/149 "2011-07-01T15:24:05Z")
> [@woodstockbirdybird](#): > > I guess I don’t understand not “bothering to get birth control” if you’re in a relationship (and by birth control, I’m including condoms) and thus not having sex. I’ve never been in or known of a healthy relationship where both partners _didn’t_ want to have sex. Sounds more “dysfunctional” than mature. In fairness, sex is just not that important to me. We did just about everything but. I’m not saying I’m typical - I used to be pretty much totally asexual, now I have a libido, but it’s minor and I usually prefer to take care of it myself because it’s faster. (Again, I’m weird). I also have no interest in getting married, but we both knew that from the start. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-does-a-grownup-not-doing-grownup-things-seem-strange-to-you/586921/150 "2011-07-01T15:34:30Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > I went to a comic book convention here in SA this past weekend and I gotta tell ya - seeing people older than I (44) dress up as superheroes and movie characters… I felt embarrassed for them. > > I’m like “You know, I’m glad you enjoyed the movies and such, but you’re 50 years old, a member of something called ‘Empire Galactic’, and you’re dressed like Princess Leia. Are you feeling OK?” This, I have to admit, I just don’t agree with at all. I mean, part of the wonderful thing about being an adult is you can dress in a costume any time you want! So if you are supporting yourself and not taking money from anyone, what’s the harm in having fun? I mean, no one says anything about the crazy sports fans, but being into sci-fi is automatically considered inferior, I know. 🙂 As for older than 44, that’s probably when they had the disposable income to do such a thing. It’s like you’re fifty when you get your first convertible, now you can afford it. But we can’t buy a spaceship! And no, I don’t dress up - I don’t have that kind of disposable income. I probably would, though. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2011, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-does-a-grownup-not-doing-grownup-things-seem-strange-to-you/586921/151 "2011-07-01T19:12:19Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > Most US suburbs could be described as “urban”, yet do not have public transit. You generally only find it places like New York City or Chicago or in college towns like Ann Arbor, Michigan. I haven’t seen many suburbs that don’t have some kind of public transit. But it is true that the distances involved often make it impractical for those with any other alternative. On the other hand, there are numerous areas in L.A. proper, in the hills between the SFV, West Hollywood, and Beverly Hills, where there is indeed no public transit of any kind. ---
**Author:** ![2ManyTacos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/2/3da27b/32.png) [@2ManyTacos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2ManyTacos)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-does-a-grownup-not-doing-grownup-things-seem-strange-to-you/586921/152 "2011-07-09T06:05:58Z")
I guess another way to phrase this question would be “at what age should an adult be able to live indepently?” How much independence should that person have by that age? Obviously there’s a wide swath of things that accompany independence, and many of them have merits that are certainly debatable, but still, there’s some stuff that just HAS to happen in order to be able to strike out on your own. You have to be able to get to where you need to go whenever you need to get there, and that requires transportation, just as you have to be able to prove who you are at all, and that necessitates an ID. Sure, you don’t HAVE to live on your own & you don’t HAVE to engage in sexual relationships, but I’d argue that those things are indicative of a level of maturity that is absent in most teenagers and in many adults. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-does-a-grownup-not-doing-grownup-things-seem-strange-to-you/586921.md?page=7)