# At what point is it appropriate to give an expecting couple a congratulations card? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 14, 2022, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-is-it-appropriate-to-give-an-expecting-couple-a-congratulations-card/961060 "2022-03-14T23:33:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![ekedolphin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ekedolphin/32/10003_2.png) [@ekedolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ekedolphin)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2022, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-is-it-appropriate-to-give-an-expecting-couple-a-congratulations-card/961060/1 "2022-03-14T23:33:10Z")
A woman in church whom I consider a friend has just announced on her Facebook wall that she’s 15 weeks pregnant. Is now the time to give her a congratulations card, or does protocol dictate that I wait until closer to the due date? (One data point to bear in mind: She’s an older mother. She’s already mom to an 18-year-old man and a 9-year-old girl.) ---
**Author:** ![TheKingOfSoup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/34f0e0/32.png) [@TheKingOfSoup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheKingOfSoup)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2022, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-is-it-appropriate-to-give-an-expecting-couple-a-congratulations-card/961060/2 "2022-03-14T23:38:41Z")
Now, tell her “I’m happy for you.” Say “Congratulations” after the baby is born. ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2022, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-is-it-appropriate-to-give-an-expecting-couple-a-congratulations-card/961060/3 "2022-03-14T23:42:01Z")
Tricky. But never until the first trimester is past. Don’t know if it’s still true, but the vast majority of miscarriages are usually quite early in the pregnancy. And miscarriages themselves are _not_ rare. One woman where I worked brought in cupcakes with hidden messages inside that said she was pregnant. She was only 6 or 7 weeks. She miscarried. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2022, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-is-it-appropriate-to-give-an-expecting-couple-a-congratulations-card/961060/4 "2022-03-15T01:28:56Z")
I agree that you shouldn’t do it too early, but if the parents announce it, then THEY don’t think it’s too early. Both times my wife was pregnant, we waited until after the first trimester (actually until after the amniocentesis) to announce it. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2022, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-is-it-appropriate-to-give-an-expecting-couple-a-congratulations-card/961060/5 "2022-03-15T01:39:08Z")
> [@carrps](#): > > Tricky. But never until the first trimester is past. The OP said the pregnancy is at fifteen weeks. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2022, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-is-it-appropriate-to-give-an-expecting-couple-a-congratulations-card/961060/6 "2022-03-15T01:52:10Z")
> [@TheKingOfSoup](#): > > Now, tell her “I’m happy for you.” Say “Congratulations” after the baby is born. Correct. The greeting-card industry is trying to make formalized good wishes about pregnancy “a thing”, but it always seems a bit intrusive, as well as oddly over-anticipatory. (The same sort of thing is currently happening with the “giftification” of engagements as an extension of wedding presents and wedding shower presents. Every phase of the life event in question is being treated as a separate opportunity for official acknowledgements and/or gifts.) Just say verbally how delighted you are, and save the card/gift for when the baby arrives. (If you’re invited to a baby shower, of course, a card/gift is appropriate then too.) ---
**Author:** ![Mallard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Mallard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mallard)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2022, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-is-it-appropriate-to-give-an-expecting-couple-a-congratulations-card/961060/7 "2022-03-15T02:24:54Z")
> [@TheKingOfSoup](#): > > Now, tell her “I’m happy for you.” Say “Congratulations” after the baby is born. I’d go with the safest response and IMHO it’s this. ---
**Author:** ![ekedolphin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ekedolphin/32/10003_2.png) [@ekedolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ekedolphin)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2022, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-is-it-appropriate-to-give-an-expecting-couple-a-congratulations-card/961060/8 "2022-03-15T02:25:39Z")
> [@Mallard](#): > > > [@TheKingOfSoup](#): > > > > Now, tell her “I’m happy for you.” Say “Congratulations” after the baby is born. > > I’d go with the safest response and IMHO it’s this Will do. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2022, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-is-it-appropriate-to-give-an-expecting-couple-a-congratulations-card/961060/9 "2022-03-15T07:02:00Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > The greeting-card industry is trying to make formalized good wishes about pregnancy “a thing”, but it always seems a bit intrusive, as well as oddly over-anticipatory. Don’t count your kid before it’s hatched. I say, Congratulations when Kiddo graduates from college. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2022, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-is-it-appropriate-to-give-an-expecting-couple-a-congratulations-card/961060/10 "2022-03-15T07:22:48Z")
> [@TheKingOfSoup](#): > > Now, tell her “I’m happy for you.” Say “Congratulations” after the baby is born. This is the best response. My sister got pregnant, told all her friends and relatives, and many sent “Congratulations!” cards and messages. Some sent cheques (“to start a college fund”), and some sent gifts. Then my sister delivered a stillborn baby. It was, to say the least, a sad time for her and my BIL. The poor little boy was cremated, and his ashes scattered. Never mind where; that’s not important. Eventually, the cheques or their amounts were returned or refunded, the gifts were returned to the givers, and the “Congratulations!” cards were burned in the backyard. My sister and my BIL must have gone through hell doing that. Except the burning of the “Congratulations!” cards, which must have given them some closure, and a little bit of happiness at not having souvenirs of what was supposed to be a happy event that turned tragic. To the OP: It’s “Best Wishes” for now. It’s “Congratulations!” only after a happy and healthy baby is delivered. ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2022, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-is-it-appropriate-to-give-an-expecting-couple-a-congratulations-card/961060/11 "2022-03-15T07:48:21Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > Don’t count your kid before it’s hatched. Sometimes not even then. You can tell a medical person because upon hearing an acquaintance has given birth they ask not, “Boy or girl?” but rather, “Is it healthy?” ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2022, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-is-it-appropriate-to-give-an-expecting-couple-a-congratulations-card/961060/12 "2022-03-15T16:38:46Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > The OP said the pregnancy is at fifteen weeks. I was speaking generally. ---
**Author:** ![Folly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folly/32/3219_2.png) [@Folly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folly)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2022, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/at-what-point-is-it-appropriate-to-give-an-expecting-couple-a-congratulations-card/961060/13 "2022-03-15T23:55:09Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > I say, Congratulations when Kiddo graduates from college. Hmm… What degree did they get?