# Atheist: If you HAD to chose a religion, what would it be? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 14, 2011, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-if-you-had-to-chose-a-religion-what-would-it-be/567556 "2011-01-14T03:07:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-if-you-had-to-chose-a-religion-what-would-it-be/567556/41 "2011-01-14T14:55:20Z")
[The Cult Of The Celts](http://www.ardue.org.uk/library/book5/religion.html) because it sounds so cool to say it. What’s your religion? The Cult of the Celts. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-if-you-had-to-chose-a-religion-what-would-it-be/567556/42 "2011-01-14T14:59:36Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Muslims and Jews are both out on grounds of I LIKE pork, and several branches of Christianity are out because I LIKE bourbon. Throw in fornication and you describe me. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-if-you-had-to-chose-a-religion-what-would-it-be/567556/43 "2011-01-14T15:03:27Z")
Judaism. RCC would be easier for me, but I’m not gonna associate with that church. Not gonna do it. ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-if-you-had-to-chose-a-religion-what-would-it-be/567556/44 "2011-01-14T15:38:24Z")
Something pagen-y,wiccan-y, nature-worship-y. Actually, my husband and I discussed it recently. My belief that religion is the root of much evil and that it’s a bunch of nonsense seems to be rubbing off! Woo Hoo! So anyway, we like the idea that, if you’re worshipping nature you can at least see the tree or the sky or the water and you know it’s generally working to your advantage. It makes more sense to sing to the trees in your back yard than going to church to hear a bunch of stories which are so often about revenge and punishment and nobody’s even seen the main guy. ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-if-you-had-to-chose-a-religion-what-would-it-be/567556/45 "2011-01-14T15:42:12Z")
Animist Discordian here. All hail Eris! (And oak trees!) ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-if-you-had-to-chose-a-religion-what-would-it-be/567556/46 "2011-01-14T15:50:56Z")
Presbyterian Jew. I like nitpicking and bagpipes. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-if-you-had-to-chose-a-religion-what-would-it-be/567556/47 "2011-01-14T15:54:04Z")
> [@Fugazi](#): > > Give me something pagan. With lots of sex and weird rites. Perhaps around a bonfire. Sex around a bonfire always ends in the First Aid Shack. Damn bonfires. :smack: Yeah, I’d keep on keeping on in the neopagan world. I’m already agnostic, and they’re happy enough to have me. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-if-you-had-to-chose-a-religion-what-would-it-be/567556/48 "2011-01-14T16:14:06Z")
> [@Onomatopoeia](#): > > I guess I’ll be the one to take this in a different direction. I’m still trying come up with something, anything, that would cause me to feel I had to choose a religion, and also wrap my mind around the illogic of choosing what to believe in. OK, here is a scenario that may help. God comes to you, takes you for a tour of the heavens, you know that he is the real deal. He tells you that he is doing away with Atheism. He lets you know that you will not remember this event at all, but he is willing to give you your choice of what religion you would like. ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-if-you-had-to-chose-a-religion-what-would-it-be/567556/49 "2011-01-14T16:17:57Z")
It would have to be the same as most of the religious people I know. Non-practicing Catholic. ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-if-you-had-to-chose-a-religion-what-would-it-be/567556/50 "2011-01-14T16:19:33Z")
Probably Buddhism or some sort of quiet reserved Christianity (Methodist?) ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-if-you-had-to-chose-a-religion-what-would-it-be/567556/51 "2011-01-14T16:21:09Z")
Probably Buddhism, as long as I don’t have to become completely vegetarian. I’m a [Middle Way](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Middle_way) kind of guy. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-if-you-had-to-chose-a-religion-what-would-it-be/567556/52 "2011-01-14T16:59:17Z")
Pastafarian ---
**Author:** ![Paranoid\_Randroid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/paranoid_randroid/32/18_2.png) [@Paranoid\_Randroid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paranoid_Randroid)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-if-you-had-to-chose-a-religion-what-would-it-be/567556/53 "2011-01-14T17:02:25Z")
I consider myself an atheist in essentially all practical senses, although – philosophically – I tend toward some kind of (probably incoherent) mixture of Spinozan idealism and Aristotelianism/Thomism. Take from that what you will … If I had to choose a religion, I guess I’d go with Catholicism, since I think there’s at least _something_ to be said for the philosophy underpinning it. Plus, praying in Latin is fun (I admittedly may have a skewed notion of what is fun). Or some variant of Buddhism, to which my idealistic tendencies are sympathetic, probably with a non-literal conception of rebirth. Or, if I’m feeling bitter about being forced to choose, maybe some kind of traditional Vodun. Why not? ---
**Author:** ![Prelude\_to\_Fascination](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Prelude\_to\_Fascination](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prelude_to_Fascination)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-if-you-had-to-chose-a-religion-what-would-it-be/567556/54 "2011-01-14T17:18:01Z")
Druidism. I’d have a replica of Stonehenge while ceremonies would consist of listening to Spinal Tap’s version of the song of the same name (among other activities). But I’d do it right, and not like they did onstage. I’d have some beautiful, willing virgins over the age of 21 right along with me. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-if-you-had-to-chose-a-religion-what-would-it-be/567556/55 "2011-01-14T17:56:14Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > OK, here is a scenario that may help. God comes to you, takes you for a tour of the heavens, you know that he is the real deal. He tells you that he is doing away with Atheism. He lets you know that you will not remember this event at all, but he is willing to give you your choice of what religion you would like. This scenario doesn’t help at all, and has little to do with the OP. I think that I would go with Unitarian Universalism. ---
**Author:** ![Paranoid\_Randroid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/paranoid_randroid/32/18_2.png) [@Paranoid\_Randroid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paranoid_Randroid)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-if-you-had-to-chose-a-religion-what-would-it-be/567556/56 "2011-01-14T18:41:28Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > This scenario doesn’t help at all, and has little to do with the OP. ? **Onomatopoeia** expressed difficulty with the question posed in the OP, and **kanicbird** described a counterfactual scenario which (he believes) could give sufficient context to allow the question to be answered. Perhaps it doesn’t help – but it is a good-faith effort to encourage responses to the OP. Not everything a crank says is cranky. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-if-you-had-to-chose-a-religion-what-would-it-be/567556/57 "2011-01-14T18:48:45Z")
> [@Paranoid\_Randroid](#): > > ? **Onomatopoeia** expressed difficulty with the question posed in the OP, and **kanicbird** described a counterfactual scenario which (he believes) could give sufficient context to allow the question to be answered. Perhaps it doesn’t help – but it is a good-faith effort to encourage responses to the OP. Not everything a crank says is cranky. The scenario **kanicbird** puts forth basically says “Here is the _real_ God right in front of you-now pick a religion.” It’s like saying, “Any ice cream flavor but vanilla will kill you-what’ll you have?” The OP doesn’t put forth any suggestion that one religion is better, or has more proof, than any other, It just asks which atheists would pick if we had to. ---
**Author:** ![Uncle\_Goat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Uncle\_Goat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncle_Goat)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-if-you-had-to-chose-a-religion-what-would-it-be/567556/58 "2011-01-14T18:54:06Z")
I have to choose? I refuse to choose. I would remain an atheist. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-if-you-had-to-chose-a-religion-what-would-it-be/567556/59 "2011-01-14T18:56:14Z")
I agree with **Paranoid Randroid**. I read **kanicbird** ’s scenario as basically saying "A power beyond your control is going to magically remove your disbelief in deities/religions. However, this power will give you the choice of what religion you will believe in, once your disbelief is gone. The “God in the heavens” stuff is just set dressing. (This is actually one of the most relevant things I have ever seen **kanicbird** post in any thread so I felt this sort of thing should be encouraged. ) ---
**Author:** ![Panurge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/fbc32d/32.png) [@Panurge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Panurge)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2011, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-if-you-had-to-chose-a-religion-what-would-it-be/567556/60 "2011-01-14T19:03:59Z")
Hinduism, definitely. You won’t find that kind of variety anywhere else. Great music, interesting rituals, cool pantheon, fun and varied mythology, deep thoughts, etc. Why settle for less? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-if-you-had-to-chose-a-religion-what-would-it-be/567556.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-if-you-had-to-chose-a-religion-what-would-it-be/567556.md?page=4)