# "Atheist on an airplane" joke **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 26, 2011, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610 "2011-09-26T01:16:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Silvorange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@Silvorange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silvorange)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/1 "2011-09-26T01:16:02Z")
A couple of friends have posted this on Facebook: > [@](#): > > An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.” > The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?” > " Oh, I don’t know," said the atheist. “How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly. > “OK,” she said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?” > The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.” To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death, when you don’t know crap?” And then she went back to reading her book. The guy is a jerk, the girl replies with a non sequitur. It would be equally asinine if the jerk were a member/adherent any religion, philosophy, or political party you might want to make him. Grrr. This annoys me. On the plus side, I have decided that the next time someone interrupts me while I’m reading, I will look them straight in the eye and ask, “What do you know about poop?” That oughta shut 'em up. ---
**Author:** ![Raygun99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Raygun99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raygun99)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/2 "2011-09-26T01:20:39Z")
Another problem with the joke: the little girl could always run into someone who knows why (in large part it’s because deer and cows are ruminants and horses aren’t). ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/3 "2011-09-26T01:22:18Z")
> [@Silvorange](#): > > On the plus side, I have decided that the next time someone interrupts me while I’m reading, I will look them straight in the eye and ask, “What do you know about poop?” That oughta shut 'em up. We have a moderator who probably does that. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![AlsoNamedBort](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alsonamedbort/32/3213_2.png) [@AlsoNamedBort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlsoNamedBort)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/4 "2011-09-26T01:34:22Z")
> [@](#): > > " Oh, I don’t know," said the atheist. “How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly. I will say, as an atheist, this is _exactly_ how I begin all my conversations with strangers. ---
**Author:** ![Silvorange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@Silvorange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silvorange)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/5 "2011-09-26T01:39:37Z")
> [@AlsoNamedBort](#): > > I will say, as an atheist, this is _exactly_ how I begin all my conversations with strangers. I hope you make sure to smile smugly when you do. ---
**Author:** ![Runs\_With\_Scissors](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/278dde/32.png) [@Runs\_With\_Scissors](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Runs_With_Scissors)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/6 "2011-09-26T02:00:42Z")
I have never once reposted something I’ve read on Facebook. All my posts are original. (Posted smugly.) ---
**Author:** ![Acid\_Lamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Acid\_Lamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acid_Lamp)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/7 "2011-09-26T02:02:06Z")
They forgot the: HAW HAW HAW! ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/8 "2011-09-26T02:03:42Z")
I’ve seen that same lame joke recycled for many different situations that have nothing to do with atheism, or even religion. ---
**Author:** ![K364](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k364/32/5_2.png) [@K364](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/K364)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/9 "2011-09-26T02:34:50Z")
Yeah… A big [insert sports-team name here] fan was seated next to a little girl on an airplane… ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/10 "2011-09-26T02:45:21Z")
Whatever happened to asking little girls if they like gladiator movies? ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/11 "2011-09-26T03:13:01Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > Whatever happened to asking little girls if they like gladiator movies? This joke loses its punch if you trade boy for girl. You know, one thing I like about facebook is that people post and repost these ‘jokes’ there instead of sending it to my email, like they used to. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/12 "2011-09-26T03:14:48Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > This joke loses its punch if you trade boy for girl. Yeah, it does, doesn’t it. I just had a hard time thinking of something to substitute that didn’t make me seem like a complete pervert. Better not to have posted. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/13 "2011-09-26T03:26:26Z")
I just saw this on my wall. Here is my comment: Dumb atheist should have reminded her that assholes come in all shapes and sizes. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/14 "2011-09-26T03:34:53Z")
> [@Rigamarole](#): > > I’ve seen that same lame joke recycled for many different situations that have nothing to do with atheism, or even religion. Usually for politicians. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/15 "2011-09-26T03:49:23Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > Whatever happened to asking little girls if they like gladiator movies? No, no, no you ask the little girl if she would like cream for her coffee. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/16 "2011-09-26T10:07:56Z")
I know I can speak for all atheists when I say, we will smite your friends. No-one gets to poke fun at our…our…at our…no-one gets to…I mean, they’ve disrespected our…they’ve, wait a minute…what they’ve done is to make light of our most deeply held…well no, actually not that, but they are going to burn, well not exactly burn, well not in any way burn, they’ll be tortured as…OK, not in any real or even metaphorical sense or but…errr…so yeah, screw them! THEIR WEAK ATTEMPT AT PROVOCATIVE HUMOUR WILL NOT STAND! MY MILD IRRITATION AND MORE OVERWHELMING INDIFFERENCE MUST BE AVENGED! I’m not saying where or when but as soon as we’ve worked out exactly what they’ve blasphemed against, and exactly what supernatural powers we are going to call upon, they will be smitted. Unless it’s a Wednesday, I’ve got football training on a Wednesday. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/17 "2011-09-26T12:04:27Z")
A man whose belief system or lack thereof is not important, was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.” The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger… Fuck off, paedo! ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/18 "2011-09-26T12:10:28Z")
Actually, I imagine the atheist knows more about Heaven and Hell than the little girl and perhaps most other people. She was just being a party-pooper. ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/19 "2011-09-26T12:37:19Z")
Wait, is the little girl somehow equating God, heaven, hell, and the afterlife _with crap_? If you are an expert in one type of _shit_, you will be an expert in all types of _shit_? I’m not sure this is what the author is going for… ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/20 "2011-09-26T12:37:22Z")
Well, little girl, animals process food in different ways, taking advantage of different food sources, due to how they evolved. While cows and deer are both ruminants, deer don’t eat grass. They’re concentrate selectors. They nibble on leaves and other, more nutritious plant matter because their energy costs are a lot higher than that of cattle. Grass actually is a very small part of their diet (the food of last resort, if you will). Horses can subsist on grasses and grain, but they’re not ruminants like cow or deer. They process food very differently. Therefore, they excrete it differently as well. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610.md?page=2)