# "Atheist on an airplane" joke **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 26, 2011, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610 "2011-09-26T01:16:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Walmarticus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Walmarticus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walmarticus)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/41 "2011-09-26T19:33:28Z")
It’s a lame joke, but at least you’re thin-skinned and petty enough to get _some_ use out of it- even if it’s just righteous indignation instead of a laugh. ---
**Author:** ![Silvorange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8dc957/32.png) [@Silvorange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silvorange)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/42 "2011-09-26T19:43:12Z")
> [@Walmarticus](#): > > It’s a lame joke, but at least you’re thin-skinned and petty enough to get _some_ use out of it- even if it’s just righteous indignation instead of a laugh. I can make and take offensive jokes as well as anyone, but they have to be funny. The other friend who posted it didn’t get unfriended. The conversation following it went differently. No apologies, either, just riffing that made it funnier. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/43 "2011-09-26T20:43:09Z")
> [@Silvorange](#): > > Of her Christian friends who have posted, a couple have said that the joke had a valid point and told me that “if you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.” Sounds like the Sphinx from Mystery Men. “If you do not master your rage, your rage will become your master.” On the upside, and totally irrelevantly, I just learned some new words in making this post. That quoted BS is called a [chiasmus](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chiasmus), and the Sphinx quote is an [antimetabole](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antimetabole). ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2011, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/44 "2011-09-26T23:45:29Z")
> [@Bosstone](#): > > Sounds like the Sphinx from Mystery Men. “If you do not master your rage, your rage will become your master.” > > On the upside, and totally irrelevantly, I just learned some new words in making this post. That quoted BS is called a chiasmus, and the Sphinx quote is an antimetabole. “Okay, am I the only one who finds these sayings just a little bit formulaic?” ---
**Author:** ![Condescending\_Robot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a183cd/32.png) [@Condescending\_Robot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Condescending_Robot)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2011, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/45 "2011-09-27T04:32:00Z")
> [@Bosstone](#): > > Sounds like the Sphinx from Mystery Men. “If you do not master your rage, your rage will become your master.” > > On the upside, and totally irrelevantly, I just learned some new words in making this post. That quoted BS is called a [chiasmus](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chiasmus), and the Sphinx quote is an [antimetabole](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antimetabole). You have the terms reversed. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2011, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/46 "2011-09-27T05:53:19Z")
> [@Euphonious\_Polemic](#): > > Then they try to push their atheism on you and make you take those atheist tracts that are published by atheism international or something. And you can’t make them go away until you promise not to believe in any God or Gods. And there is a huge list of Gods you’re not allowed to believe in! My list has nine billion names on it. ---
**Author:** ![fumster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e9c0ed/32.png) [@fumster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fumster)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2011, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/47 "2011-09-27T06:01:08Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > I think the joke works equally well for either a know-it-all atheist or a know-it-all believer. The punchline is that neither actually knows it all. And it works even better for a know it all straw man (especially if the little girl is named Dorothy). ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2011, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/48 "2011-09-27T06:48:18Z")
> [@shiftless](#): > > This is standard fair from certain groups. It’s not fare of you to say that. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2011, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/49 "2011-09-27T06:58:14Z")
The only questions I ask little girls is if they want a piece of candy or if they are willing to help me find my lost puppy. Since I work in a candy factory I frequently have samples and I’m sick of candy since I work in a candy factory. And my puppy’s sense of direction is shit. ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2011, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/50 "2011-09-27T07:39:02Z")
> [@sh1bu1](#): > > Show of hands: > How many of you have sat next to someone on a plane who wanted to promote atheism? > How about someone trying to push their religion? I have sat next to someone who talks a lot of horseshit, though. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2011, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/51 "2011-09-27T11:18:26Z")
> [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > I’ve got football training on a Wednesday. Total hijack (speaking of planes): The density of Britishisms in this little phrase is impressive. I think the American translation would be “…soccer practice on Wednesdays.” ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2011, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/52 "2011-09-27T11:43:06Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > Well, little girl, animals process food in different ways, taking advantage of different food sources, due to how they evolved. While cows and deer are both ruminants, deer don’t eat grass. They’re concentrate selectors. They nibble on leaves and other, more nutritious plant matter because their energy costs are a lot higher than that of cattle. Grass actually is a very small part of their diet (the food of last resort, if you will). > > Horses can subsist on grasses and grain, but they’re not ruminants like cow or deer. They process food very differently. Therefore, they excrete it differently as well. The man concluded, “You see, little girl, things that seem mysterious and unfathomable are often actually quite easily resolved. Science helps us to understand a great deal about the world.” ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2011, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/53 "2011-09-27T15:47:19Z")
> [@sh1bu1](#): > > Show of hands: > How many of you have sat next to someone on a plane who wanted to promote atheism? Never. > [@](#): > > How about someone trying to push their religion? Far too often. ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2011, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/54 "2011-09-27T16:08:26Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > Never. Hello! Can I interest you in this book that contains notes about the hundreds of deities that I do not believe in? ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2011, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/55 "2011-09-27T16:53:42Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > The man concluded, “You see, little girl, things that seem mysterious and unfathomable are often actually quite easily resolved. Science helps us to understand a great deal about the world.” To which the little girl replied “I didn’t say a thing about science, mister, and neither did you. You just chose, uninvited, to shit on my religion, if I have one (which we’ve not mentioned yet) and I told you to fuck off. Isn’t there anyone else on this plane for you to patronise?” ---
**Author:** ![Crazyhorse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazyhorse/32/31_2.png) [@Crazyhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazyhorse)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2011, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/56 "2011-09-27T18:24:44Z")
Then a man across the aisle says: “Horse clumps? You want to know what tastes like horse clumps? This airline chicken teriyaki. Are we supposed to eat this or use it as shark repellent when the plane crashes?” Everyone thought that was hilarious, even the pedophile atheist, but the captain called DHS because the man was wearing a turban. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2011, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/57 "2011-09-27T18:32:27Z")
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.” The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?” " Oh, I don’t know," said the atheist. “How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or -_ **-GRFUUBBWHAAAA!!???** _ Oh my _ **FUCK!!** _” And that’s the story of \*why \*Gerard Depardieu pissed on another passenger. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2011, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/58 "2011-09-27T18:43:20Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > To which the little girl replied “I didn’t say a thing about science, mister, and neither did you. You just chose, uninvited, to shit on my religion, if I have one (which we’ve not mentioned yet) and I told you to fuck off. Isn’t there anyone else on this plane for you to patronise?” To which the man retorted, “Look, what do you what from me? I’m just an apocryphal atheist boogeyman, the fantasy product and obvious projection of a fevered god-botherer. Why else would I both open up such a painfully ludicrous conversation AND simultaneously be so easily undone by a childish observation such as yours? Isn’t there a college professor somewhere that you need to stymie with a similarly facile observation?” ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2011, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/59 "2011-09-27T18:57:41Z")
> [@Condescending\_Robot](#): > > You have the terms reversed. Bit hijacky, but I don’t see that I do. “If you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for anything,” which I described as the quoted BS, is a chiasmus. The second clause is inversion of the first yet does not repeat the same words. “If you do not master your rage, your rage will become your master,” which is the Sphinx quote, is an antimetabole. It uses the same words but transposes them to create the reversal. I provided links and everything. ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2011, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610/60 "2011-09-27T22:35:42Z")
> [@sh1bu1](#): > > Show of hands… How about someone trying to push their religion? Half a hand? But to be fair I did start things by asking her what the book she was reading was about. I couldn’t help it; the book was entitled “Apollyon”. 😃 (And she was perfectly nice… we would never have seen eye to eye on religion, but it was a generally pleasant coversation which did make the flight go faster). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheist-on-an-airplane-joke/597610.md?page=4)