# Atheist's family claims he was Christian at his funeral. Should they be called on it? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 6, 2014, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-family-claims-he-was-christian-at-his-funeral-should-they-be-called-on-it/700564 "2014-10-06T17:29:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2014, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-family-claims-he-was-christian-at-his-funeral-should-they-be-called-on-it/700564/101 "2014-10-06T22:29:02Z")
> [@](#): > > There was that one M_A_S\*H episode. Plus that chapter in _Tom Sawyer_. I was going to ask snarkily if you’d been to either one, but… oh, yeah, continuum buggy. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2014, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-family-claims-he-was-christian-at-his-funeral-should-they-be-called-on-it/700564/102 "2014-10-06T22:30:31Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > I was going to ask snarkily if you’d been to either one, but… oh, yeah, continuum buggy. Not EVERY thread is an Rhymer Enterprises thread, you know. This one didn’t have a single murder. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2014, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-family-claims-he-was-christian-at-his-funeral-should-they-be-called-on-it/700564/103 "2014-10-06T23:44:47Z")
Having recently had the opportunity to see a funeral turn into an epic shitstorm because the deceaseds brother felt the need to inform everyone the deceased died because of her decades long drug abuse and overdose on prescription pain killers and muscle relaxers mixed with alcohol, not because of an “unanticipated medication reaction” as was the official line. As far as I know they want nothing do do with him anymore. He was honest, and accurate, the woman had overdosed on 3 previous occasions requiring emergency medical assistance. Her teenage children had seen her resuscitated on the living room floor about 3 months prior due to the same combination of pills and booze. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2014, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-family-claims-he-was-christian-at-his-funeral-should-they-be-called-on-it/700564/104 "2014-10-06T23:52:49Z")
She cannot lie. Cannot lie. Cannot lie. I suppose she could explain how he had saved her when the rest of the family abandoned her, but that would displease them too. If it were me, I would refuse to participate. Fucking hypocrites. I have a personal experience. My brother died of a brain tumor a bit over 15 years ago. He was, like me, a Jewish atheist. I know because we discussed this. His wife did not know this because he refused to discuss religion with her. (I will say I could not have lived that way.) Anyway, she was a devout Catholic. He didn’t really have a funeral (cremated, presumably at his request). But there was a memorial service and she said she saw an angel the night he died. I think she was claiming a deathbed conversion. I was appalled. But I said nothing. To be honest, I didn’t like the lady. Ever. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2014, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-family-claims-he-was-christian-at-his-funeral-should-they-be-called-on-it/700564/105 "2014-10-06T23:54:05Z")
> [@Fenris](#): > > Neither—a compromise between the two eulogies is possible. Do the second eulogy and leave out all mentions of religion/atheism. Discuss what he meant to her and don’t discuss the sticking point. There’s no need for it either way. +1 The funeral is for those who are grieving. No need to eulogy to be either dishonest or in-your-face. The brother’s goodness was independent from his religious beliefs, so talk about what a good guy he was and leave those out of it. ---
**Author:** ![Boogly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Boogly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boogly)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-family-claims-he-was-christian-at-his-funeral-should-they-be-called-on-it/700564/106 "2014-10-07T00:12:05Z")
Is it just me or could this be a Dope Film Productions feature film? It could be a chick flick movie or a black (Death at a Funeral) comedy… ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-family-claims-he-was-christian-at-his-funeral-should-they-be-called-on-it/700564/107 "2014-10-07T00:14:08Z")
She should tell the truth. ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-family-claims-he-was-christian-at-his-funeral-should-they-be-called-on-it/700564/108 "2014-10-07T00:26:10Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Neither one. She needs a third option, that celebrates Mitch’s life, but won’t offend his family. There is no reason to mention religion at all. Other speakers apparently have covered that issue. Mitch is dead, so nothing she says is going to matter to him. No need to confront those that want to think Mitch followed that old time religion. No need to start a fight at a funeral. Discretion is the better part of valor in situations like this. She can talk about what a great person her brother was, and most of what he did for her, and she can otherwise sit down and shut the fuck up about the religion issue. It doesn’t matter, and it is definitely not worth causing a scene over. Just let it be, and do what it takes to keep the peace. Snap, exactly what I was going to say, you just wrote it for me. Thanks, the cheque’s in the mail. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-family-claims-he-was-christian-at-his-funeral-should-they-be-called-on-it/700564/109 "2014-10-07T00:43:04Z")
> [@drachillix](#): > > Having recently had the opportunity to see a funeral turn into an epic shitstorm because the deceaseds brother felt the need to inform everyone the deceased died because of her decades long drug abuse and overdose on prescription pain killers and muscle relaxers mixed with alcohol, not because of an “unanticipated medication reaction” as was the official line. Again, though, that’s where it stops being a eulogy. The dilemma is not “talk shit about the dead or not.” It’s “tell the truth about what you loved about the dead or not.” And I actually did have a very vaguely similar experience at my grandfather’s funeral. His side of the family had a (probably apocryphal) Native American ancestry, variously described as Cherokee or Choctaw or Chickasaw. My granddad was interested in this family history in a very 1950s way: took up archery and bowfishing, took my mom and siblings to the town of Cherokee, etc. His own siblings were kind of horrified by it in a 1950s way, since this was before it was hip for white folks to have (or anyway admit to) not being purebloods. They believed their surname was an Americanization of the name of a Swedish king from whom they were descended. Anyway, at his funeral, there was a minor scandal because the preacher got up and talked about my granddad’s love for his Native American heritage, and how that informed his treatment of people no matter their color or creed. There was genuine shock and quiet outrage among the more racist relatives. To which I say: fine! Represent the man as he truly was (without being a dick to his memory, of course–this would not have been the time to launch into a screed about cultural appropriation, even if that’s what it was). If someone is too head-up-their-ass to appreciate that the departed saw things differently from them, that’s their problem, and worrying about fluttery they’ll get over it is not necessary. ---
**Author:** ![BeeGee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b5a626/32.png) [@BeeGee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BeeGee)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-family-claims-he-was-christian-at-his-funeral-should-they-be-called-on-it/700564/110 "2014-10-07T02:14:11Z")
I say if the deceased didn’t inform his family before he died, then it wouldn’t be my place to tell them. If he did tell them, and they still choose to ignore it, what good is bringing it up now? ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-family-claims-he-was-christian-at-his-funeral-should-they-be-called-on-it/700564/111 "2014-10-07T02:18:55Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Yep. When it’s Christianity versus atheism, the fact that the former side is lying through it’s teeth and threatening emotional blackmail just doesn’t matter-the latter is “selfishly smug” for trying to tell a truth that she thinks will honor her brother and show his strengths and efforts. > The “deathbed conversion” lie isn’t about honoring their son. It’s about them saving face in their religious community. We ran into a version of this when my Dad died. Not the conversion thing, but that we were having him cremated. Because there are a lot of people at my Mom’s church that are vehemently against it, we had to arrange to have him brought in a coffin to the church rather than having the cremation done and bringing the urn. It’s amazing what people will go through, even at a funeral, to keep other people happy. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-family-claims-he-was-christian-at-his-funeral-should-they-be-called-on-it/700564/112 "2014-10-07T02:23:09Z")
Yeah, I’m gonna change my answer. Even if she is going back to NYC, there’s really no call for Amber to give the finger to her parents, just because she resents some pressure that her siblings may have put on her. She should speak about what a good man he was, about how he saved her life, and about how she’s going to miss him. Best if she leaves out any references to religion. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-family-claims-he-was-christian-at-his-funeral-should-they-be-called-on-it/700564/113 "2014-10-07T02:25:16Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > It seems like it would be incredibly simple to deliver a truthful eulogy that highlights what a wonderful person Mitch was without any hints of his religious affiliation or lack thereof. That gets my vote. Funerals are primarily for the living, as others have said, and there’s no need for Amber to totally piss off the majority of her family. However, she ought to at least mention in passing that she knew him to be an atheist and that she never heard him deviate from those views before his death. This way she will not, by her silence, seem to endorse the lies and untruths uttered by others as to his views; but she need not dwell on them. Incidentally, according to Jon Krakauer in _Where Men Win Glory_, Pat Tillman got a very religious, very Christian Army-sponsored memorial service over the objections of his family, who knew him to be an atheist. ---
**Author:** ![GusNSpot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gusnspot/32/436_2.png) [@GusNSpot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GusNSpot)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-family-claims-he-was-christian-at-his-funeral-should-they-be-called-on-it/700564/114 "2014-10-07T05:53:24Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Ever been to a funeral when there wasn’t a dead guy? Funerals may be for the living, but they’re about the dead. Yes, the dead person had died many months, almost a year before the funeral, had been cremated & put in a jar on a mantle. There was another funeral over 1000 miles away at about the same time which many people attended. And I attended a wake for a person who had not died yet. 😃 😛 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-family-claims-he-was-christian-at-his-funeral-should-they-be-called-on-it/700564/115 "2014-10-07T06:52:30Z")
You don’t need to talk about belief or non-belief to eulogize a loved one. Sing the praises of Mitch, not atheism. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-family-claims-he-was-christian-at-his-funeral-should-they-be-called-on-it/700564/116 "2014-10-07T07:31:59Z")
> [@B.Serum](#): > > You don’t need to talk about belief or non-belief to eulogize a loved one. > > Sing the praises of Mitch, not atheism. 1. No one is talking about singing the praises of atheism-just mentioning where it influenced his life positively. 2. Can you not see the incredible hypocrisy in your statement? Where is your admonishment towards the family for making this about religion and not about Mitch? ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 7:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-family-claims-he-was-christian-at-his-funeral-should-they-be-called-on-it/700564/117 "2014-10-07T07:48:22Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > 1. No one is talking about singing the praises of atheism-just mentioning where it influenced his life positively. > 2. Can you not see the incredible hypocrisy in your statement? Where is your admonishment towards the family for making this about religion and not about Mitch? No I don’t see hypocrisy in my statement, maybe you can kindly point it out for me. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-family-claims-he-was-christian-at-his-funeral-should-they-be-called-on-it/700564/118 "2014-10-07T07:51:58Z")
> [@B.Serum](#): > > No I don’t see hypocrisy in my statement, maybe you can kindly point it out for me. I just did in the followup statement. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-family-claims-he-was-christian-at-his-funeral-should-they-be-called-on-it/700564/119 "2014-10-07T08:05:45Z")
I’m another that doesn’t see the need for this choice at all, she could easily have written a heartfelt eulogy that simply didn’t touch upon religion at all, there is no need to upset anybody. Speak about how much Mitch helped her and how much he meant to everybody, what the fuck does religion have to do with that? Sounds like its more for her own benefit than for Mitch, she just wants to take out her own anger and grief on the rest of the family and the atheism thing is just an excuse. Considering the grief she has caused her family in the past it would appear she hasn’t changed very much. ---
**Author:** ![bucketybuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@bucketybuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bucketybuck)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2014, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-family-claims-he-was-christian-at-his-funeral-should-they-be-called-on-it/700564/120 "2014-10-07T08:07:15Z")
Also, the zany :rolleyes: poll is fucking retarded. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-family-claims-he-was-christian-at-his-funeral-should-they-be-called-on-it/700564.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-family-claims-he-was-christian-at-his-funeral-should-they-be-called-on-it/700564.md?page=7)