# Atheists; would you/could you date a "believer"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 7, 2010, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331 "2010-12-07T20:56:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![gurujulp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba9def/32.png) [@gurujulp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gurujulp)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/21 "2010-12-07T22:24:45Z")
I would date them, but I think that my sniggering at their devout prayer might end up causing problems. I am a firm non-theist, but I wouldn’t call myself an a-thiest… ---
**Author:** ![Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superfluous_Parentheses)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/22 "2010-12-07T22:27:38Z")
> [@gurujulp](#): > > I am a firm non-theist, but I wouldn’t call myself an a-thiest… Oh yes, I forgot. I’d actually call myself an anti-theist. ---
**Author:** ![Ura-Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/51bf81/32.png) [@Ura-Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ura-Maru)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/23 "2010-12-07T22:35:15Z")
I’d say “It depends on how hot they are,” but given my traditional luck with women, I don’t think I should be burning any bridges. Sure, as long as they weren’t a jerk about it, and as long as they didn’t believe anything I found loathsome. I hang out with pretty weird people; a lot of them believe things that (I think) are silly. Though, I’d have to either be able to respect it, or it would have to be minor enough that I could write it off as a quirk. I won’t say it wouldn’t make me wary, but what the heck. Once you start looking for excuses to write people off, it’s disturbingly easy to continue. Besides, we all know what a strict catholic upbringing leads too . . . On the other hand, why would a believer want to date an irreverent, lazy, self indulgent pervert like me? – A girl at a goth club once told me I was “Oddly rational.” I still don’t know if that was intended as a complement or an insult. ---
**Author:** ![Ura-Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/51bf81/32.png) [@Ura-Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ura-Maru)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/24 "2010-12-07T22:39:00Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Intolerant is not wanting to work or live next to someone that believes differently than you. Not wanting to have a long-term intimate relationship with them isn’t intolerant. I agree. People should partner up with who they want too. Dating someone because you think you should, or feel you have too, is a terrible, terrible idea. – And I say that as someone who belongs to several tribes that are on a lot of people’s write-off list . . . ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/25 "2010-12-07T22:42:31Z")
Depends on the grip. ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/26 "2010-12-07T23:05:41Z")
With a believer who respected boundaries and didn’t use the word Jesus more often than I use the word “the,” sure. **Mrs. Fresh** , while no longer a church-goer, is a believer. We just don’t talk about religion. With a born-again fundie bible-basher, forget it. Not only would we be at each others throats, the sex would suck. I don’t think I could have a serious relationship with someone who made a big deal out of being an atheist, either. The sex would probably be a bit better and dirtier, but _those_ people have always struck me as fucking annoying. ---
**Author:** ![Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superfluous_Parentheses)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/27 "2010-12-07T23:15:33Z")
> [@Linty\_Fresh](#): > > With a believer who respected boundaries and didn’t use the word Jesus more often than I use the word “the,” sure. **Mrs. Fresh** , while no longer a church-goer, is a believer. We just don’t talk about religion. > > With a born-again fundie bible-basher, forget it. Not only would we be at each others throats, the sex would suck. > > I don’t think I could have a serious relationship with someone who made a big deal out of being an atheist, either. The sex would probably be a bit better and dirtier, but _those_ people have always struck me as fucking annoying. I prefer Jake Thackray’s [interpretation](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaSKICzeTaE) of this attitude to relations. ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2010, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/28 "2010-12-07T23:25:59Z")
> [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](#): > > I prefer Jake Thackray’s [interpretation](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaSKICzeTaE) of this attitude to relations. I _like_ it!! I mean it should have included subtitles, but I really, _really_ like it! ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/57b2e6/32.png) [@Quasimodal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodal)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/29 "2010-12-08T00:45:36Z")
I briefly considered it once, but within 24 hours I realized I could only go as far as being with someone agnostic. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/30 "2010-12-08T00:52:54Z")
> [@Linty\_Fresh](#): > > With a believer who respected boundaries and didn’t use the word Jesus more often than I use the word “the,” sure. **Mrs. Fresh** , while no longer a church-goer, is a believer. We just don’t talk about religion. > > With a born-again fundie bible-basher, forget it. Not only would we be at each others throats, the sex would suck. Heh, I’m a believer, and there’s no way in hell **I’d** date a fundie. I’m not a church goer since it’s not an expectation of [universalism](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_Universalism), so I’d get bitched at almost as much as an atheist would. Maybe more, for not being “good” enough a Christian. It’s nice to hear that so many of the answers from atheists are nuanced, and that you’re willing to give some believers a chance. I wouldn’t mind dating the right sort of atheist - which would mean one who made no bigger deal out of a lack of belief than I do having one. ---
**Author:** ![Onomatopoeia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/onomatopoeia/32/4145_2.png) [@Onomatopoeia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Onomatopoeia)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/31 "2010-12-08T01:25:51Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > Is believing in a God a “deal breaker” for some of you? Heck, I’m an atheist and my wife is full-on Catholic, and we celebrated our 20th anniversary last year, so it’s obviously not a deal breaker for me. It used to be a huge problem for her, though, but it’s been almost 15 years since our last argument about it. I’ve always been honest about my position and my unwillingness to entertain her beliefs in any way. Eventually, she realized she could keep her religion and keep me too, and that was the end of our strife over her faith. She goes to church and is involved in catechism activities, but we don’t discuss religion anymore because I’m intransigent and it used to upset her too much. ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/32 "2010-12-08T01:28:23Z")
My boyfriend and I have different religious and political views. It doesn’t really matter. What matters to me is that he’s a good hearted person and that both of us are pretty good about tolerating/respecting people who are different than us. My life would be a lot less rich and interesting if I tried to only hang out with people who are just like me. There are a lot of good people out there who have just come to different views about life. (My boyfriend’s parents are a mixed couple too - Jehovah’s Witness and atheist - go figure!) ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/33 "2010-12-08T01:43:20Z")
I’ve dated two very religious girls, both of whom were also very conservative politically. The only thing that bothered me was their firm stance against abortion. But in general, as long as a girl is willing to deal with my occasional rant about religion, as both of them were, I’ll be fine with whatever her beliefs are. I’d probably be hesitant to have children with anyone but an atheist, however. ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/34 "2010-12-08T01:50:35Z")
No. My wife’s family is mostly believerd, but that’sas close as I can get. Joe ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/35 "2010-12-08T02:09:46Z")
As other posters have implied, it’s not about what you believe, but how you believe it. If you believe that there is Only One Way, and you can’t accept that people may come to that Way in their own time and their own manner, no, it probably wouldn’t work. If you seem to consider your God more important than your fellow human beings, no, it probably wouldn’t work. If you don’t know the difference between faith and science, and what belongs in which category, then it might not work. If you can discuss your religion without the mere presence questions pushing your emotional buttons, then it might work. If you can live among people of other religions and deal with them without getting upset, it might work. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/36 "2010-12-08T02:21:36Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > Plain old “Yeah, I believe” but not churchgoing, devout or rabidly religious? Sure. Describes my wife rather well. So, yeah, I could. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/37 "2010-12-08T02:25:25Z")
I absolutely could. I’m an atheist but I respect other peoples choices. So long as they respect mine, everything would be just fine. I don’t try to change people, I don’t ‘preach’, I don’t ‘rub it in’, I don’t make fun of other peoples beliefs or insult others for having faith. As long as that was mutual, I’d have no problem. ---
**Author:** ![sisu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@sisu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sisu)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/38 "2010-12-08T02:47:49Z")
I am not an athiest but I could not date a person who was at the loony end of religion. i.e. Mormons, Scientologists, Literalists etc etc. The reason is not that I don’t respect everyones’ right to pick and choose their own religion, it is that these types of people only see their way as the way. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/39 "2010-12-08T02:53:02Z")
I am a hard-core agnostic. SWMBO is an in-the-vein Catholic. We’ve been together for 17 1/2 years now. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/40 "2010-12-08T02:53:41Z")
Soon you’ll be able to let us know if it will work out, then. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331.md?page=3)