# Atheists; would you/could you date a "believer"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 7, 2010, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331 "2010-12-07T20:56:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Onomatopoeia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/onomatopoeia/32/4145_2.png) [@Onomatopoeia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Onomatopoeia)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/61 "2010-12-08T19:18:21Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Lately I’ve been casually dating a woman who’s not just Christian, but very very Catholic. She can’t imagine a world without God, and she can barely wrap her head around Christian denominations that aren’t Catholic. Yep, this sound exactly like my wife. Is your SO Hispanic? > [@tdn](#): > > But she’s intrigued by my atheism. It’s a whole new world to her. The other day we scoured a bookstore because she really wants to read _The God Delusion_. My wife is fearful of my atheism and treats it like a disease that she believes I’ll be cured of one day. She’s eternally hopeful. Good luck with that. 🙂 At least we don’t fight about it anymore. > [@tdn](#): > > How foolish would it have been for me to dismiss her out-of-hand because she was born in a religious household? I’m fine with it as long as I don’t have to endure any of her faith’s requirements, and am only minimally affected by its festivities. Try as I might, I haven’t been able to completely extricate myself from the bloody nightmare and over-the-top Jesus worship of a Latino Catholic Christmas that never seems to end. ---
**Author:** ![Dogzilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@Dogzilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogzilla)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/62 "2010-12-08T19:23:14Z")
> [@Onomatopoeia](#): > > Try as I might, I haven’t been able to completely extricate myself from the bloody nightmare and over-the-top Jesus worship of a Latino Catholic Christmas that never seems to end. [irony alert] _Thank God_ my Latin BF isn’t really a believer anymore. I wasn’t aware that a Latino Catholic Christmas would be like that, but now that you mention it, I could see where they’d make a month-long megafest out of it. [/irony] Thank _God_. Heh heh heh. I crack myself up. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/63 "2010-12-08T19:29:02Z")
> [@C3](#): > > I could date a believer, as long as his beliefs didn’t infringe on my idea of a good & fun relationship. In other words, if he didn’t believe in premarital sex and had a very disapproving attitude toward drinking, that wouldn’t be a relationship I would want to enter into. This bothers me when I’m dating a Christian. I want to ask them, “So what parts of the Bible do you get to ignore whenever you want?” I’d rather them be at least consistent with their beliefs, as I am with mine. If you’re going to commit to something, then goddamn commit to it. ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/64 "2010-12-08T19:36:08Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > Plain old “Yeah, I believe” but not churchgoing, devout or rabidly religious? Sure. > > Evangelical or preachy in any way, devout, every-Sunday-churchgoer, thinks I’m foolish and deluded for not believing? Dealbreaker. I had one who began is the first category, but had some sort of upwelling of guilt or faith and then started worrying about where my immortal soul was destined. It didn’t last long after that. ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/65 "2010-12-08T19:38:21Z")
Not much choice but to date believers in these parts. Atheistic women are few on the ground here. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/66 "2010-12-08T19:42:24Z")
> [@Spoke](#): > > Not much choice but to date believers in these parts. Atheistic women are few on the ground here. Where’s that? The Bible belt? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/67 "2010-12-08T19:42:29Z")
> [@Onomatopoeia](#): > > Yep, this sound exactly like my wife. Is your SO Hispanic? Italian. She was born here, but most of her aunts and uncles are from The Old Country. > [@](#): > > I’m fine with it as long as I don’t have to endure any of her faith’s requirements, and am only minimally affected by its festivities. Try as I might, I haven’t been able to completely extricate myself from the bloody nightmare and over-the-top Jesus worship of a Latino Catholic Christmas that never seems to end. I bet the food’s good, though. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/68 "2010-12-08T20:02:16Z")
Here’s a closely related thread [Catholic/Atheist - How to make this relationship work? - In My Humble Opinion - Straight Dope Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=250363) from 6+ years ago. Please don’t wake the zombies. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/69 "2010-12-08T20:05:49Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Please don’t wake the zombies. Anyone else picturing Doris Day singing and prancing around with a shotgun? Nevermind. ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/70 "2010-12-08T20:30:42Z")
I’ve done it before and it was fine. I can feign support for things that I don’t care about if needed and have before. I tend to shy away from the term atheist for myself and tend to use the term ‘empiricist’ though. (Using the definition of empiricism as “the practice of relying on observation and experiment especially in the natural sciences”). I’d rather date someone that’s a passing Catholic than someone who accepts ghosts and magnet therapy as real things. Critical thinking is more important and if there’s no critical thought behind a person’s belief, then I draw the line. ---
**Author:** ![MyFootsZZZ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/myfootszzz/32/12580_2.png) [@MyFootsZZZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MyFootsZZZ)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2010, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/71 "2010-12-08T23:21:45Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > No. I neither trust nor respect believers, and I have no interest in dating a woman whom I neither trust nor respect. Could you elaborate on the ‘ **trust** ’ aspect? Just want to know what you meant by that specifically. I can see what some people are saying about people who “dabble” in a religion, but choose to ignore some parts it. It seems to me that some people who believe in the God they subscribed in, ignore the parts that aren’t favorable to them. It’s hard to respect that. I’m not talking about their interpretation of God’s word, but rather faith ‘with benefits’. Mostly Jesus followers… probably afraid of going to hell. ---
**Author:** ![Onomatopoeia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/onomatopoeia/32/4145_2.png) [@Onomatopoeia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Onomatopoeia)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2010, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/72 "2010-12-09T03:48:23Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Italian. She was born here, but most of her aunts and uncles are from The Old Country. > I bet the food’s good, though. I wouldn’t say that too quickly unless you’ve had the pleasure of eating, smelling, and oh my god, seeing the horror that is chicheme. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cumberdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@Cumberdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cumberdale)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2010, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/73 "2010-12-09T03:50:12Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Where’s that? The Bible belt? The United States? When I was dating, I was very open about my atheism and let the women I went out with know from the start I would not participate in any religious ceremonies or services other than the occasional wedding or funeral and the like. If later on they wanted to start attending a church regularly or started becoming more religious, I would not join them. They could if they wanted but I wanted no part. This is a big reason why I didn’t get married until I hit 40. That and the fact I did not want children. ---
**Author:** ![Norse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a9adbd/32.png) [@Norse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Norse)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2010, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/74 "2010-12-09T06:49:24Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > But why is it OK for me to want to date women that are attractive, intelligent, funny, etc, but their religious beliefs are for some unexplained reason off-limits as dating criteria? Whom you date or decline to date, whom you fuck or decline to fuck is of course for you and you only to decide. I’m just not able to understand why an otherwise in many ways attractive person suddenly should become unattractive just because they’ve been brought up with religion and thus has some vague ideas about a deity somewhere. That smacks of _anti_-theism, not _a_-theism. And it reminds me somewhat about certain closet cases when they talk about the abhorrence of homosexuality. > [@Staggerlee](#): > > Although I have a lot of sympathy, I don’t think I could have a long-term relationship with a mentally disabled person. Either I’m whooshed, or you lack some basic respect for fellow human beings who don’t precisely conform to your view of the world. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2010, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/75 "2010-12-09T06:51:19Z")
> [@Norse](#): > > That smacks of _anti_-theism, not _a_-theism. I am an anti-theist. ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2010, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/76 "2010-12-09T06:54:53Z")
My wife is a catholic. i was long ago. My son went to catholic schools from start through college. He is an atheist. I never made it a point to talk to him about it. I just made it clear i was not going to church or getting involved in religious activities. I attended baptisms, communion and confirmation. ---
**Author:** ![Norse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a9adbd/32.png) [@Norse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Norse)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2010, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/77 "2010-12-09T07:13:00Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > I am an anti-theist. It also seems as if you’re pretty uptight about it ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2010, 8:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/78 "2010-12-09T08:07:16Z")
Atheist-leaning agnostic here. I would (and have), depending upon the type of religion and the degree. Regular churchgoing, evangalistic Christians, no. There would be too much difference that would create conflict, although he might be under consideration for casual friendship. Religious Muslims, no. Too much difference in culture. Cultural Christians with an open mind, most Buddhists, Reform Jews, the occasional Pagan or Wiccan, OK. My real preferance is another agnostic or an atheist, but unfortunately, they’re difficult to come by in my neck of the woods. ---
**Author:** ![Staggerlee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/staggerlee/32/3134_2.png) [@Staggerlee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Staggerlee)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2010, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/79 "2010-12-09T10:21:59Z")
> [@Norse](#): > > Either I’m whooshed, or you lack some basic respect for fellow human beings who don’t precisely conform to your view of the world. No, I don’t have a problem with those whose views don’t ‘precisely conform’ to mine. I am irked by full-grown adults who believe in ancient tribal fantasies. And in a relationship I’d want to embark from a relatively sane starting point. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2010, 10:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331/80 "2010-12-09T10:27:19Z")
> [@MyFootsZZZ](#): > > Could you elaborate on the ‘ **trust** ’ aspect? Just want to know what you meant by that specifically. Being a believer they by nature at best have poor judgment on anything touching their religion. Even if they mean well i don’t trust them not to screw it up. Believers also tend to be casual liars about anything remotely related to their religion, and I despise lying. And on top of that believers tend to look at atheists as monsters, and people who think that way about you are dangerous. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/atheists-would-you-could-you-date-a-believer/563331.md?page=5)