# Attack Haiku **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 30, 2001, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688 "2001-06-30T02:56:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2001, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/1 "2001-06-30T02:56:34Z")
I write like Bruce fights. I will destroy your Kung-Fu! Lips do not match words. All you dogs may whine, At my talents with meter. Ha! I even rhyme! Your haikus are poor. Count your syllables, foul dog! five, seven, and five It’s Shaolin combat For bored English grad students! Show me YOUR kung-fu! ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2001, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/2 "2001-06-30T04:27:18Z")
I think haiku sucks. Don’t bother me with this crap. **Miller** , don’t hit me. 😃 ::d&r:: ---
**Author:** ![White\_Lightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2001, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/3 "2001-06-30T04:41:10Z")
Original Post Clever, overconfident Where is evidence? I have news for you: You cannot hope to defeat Invincible me. **Miller** , you are smart Unfortunately for you My verse is supreme. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2001, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/4 "2001-06-30T04:53:45Z")
**White Lightning** , you fool! You can never defeat me! Flee, mortal, flee now! Fist of Iron Might! Twelve Crane Soaring Kick to head! Another foe, gone. ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2001, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/5 "2001-06-30T05:02:21Z")
Haiku? Fucking A. This shit really fucking rocks. So does jerking off. That was TMI Masturbating bear said so. I agree with him. I think all haikus Should include masturbating **Miller** , bring it on ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2001, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/6 "2001-06-30T05:05:09Z")
**Totoro,** you swear In MPSIMS? You have no honor! ---
**Author:** ![Sultan\_Kinkari](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7bcc69/32.png) [@Sultan\_Kinkari](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sultan_Kinkari)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2001, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/7 "2001-06-30T05:10:22Z")
I have now become The master of this domain. Surrender yourselves I do not waste time With petty fists or num-chucks or…kung fu haiku If you think that you Can escape the wrath in me You must be confused For you must have heard All your base are belong to us. You will all succomb!! ---
**Author:** ![White\_Lightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2001, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/8 "2001-06-30T05:13:51Z")
Fist of Iron Might? Like XiaoYu of Tekken, I Duck, Shrinking Flower You get no respect I show back to weakling foe Party Time Tonight! ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2001, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/9 "2001-06-30T05:23:09Z")
**Wish,** you count poorly. Seven, not eight, imbecile! And it’s spelled “succumb.” **Lightning** as Xiao Yu? At last I see why you wear That schoolgirl outfit. Once again, I have won. I am the kung-fu haiku master! Yeah, baby! Damn, now I see that kung-fu haiku would have been a better title. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2001, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/10 "2001-06-30T05:33:22Z")
one word haikus can’t use is antidisesta blishmentarian… I like haikus that break all the rules that have been established since a long time ago Through is a good word to use in a haiku 'cause it’s one syllable I am really drunk in case you haven’t noticed so funk you, biznatch ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2001, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/11 "2001-06-30T05:38:27Z")
Ah, Drunken Master! I have seen all your movies! Jet Li is cooler. If you can read this, You are too stoned. No, hang on, It’s me who’s too stoned. ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2001, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/12 "2001-06-30T05:48:35Z")
Akido haiku Sidesteps violent kung fu. And remains standing. Graceful balance drifts Softly confounding kung fu, Until peace returns. ## Tris “Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win.” ~ Sun-tzu ~ ---
**Author:** ![Sultan\_Kinkari](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7bcc69/32.png) [@Sultan\_Kinkari](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sultan_Kinkari)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2001, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/13 "2001-06-30T05:49:15Z")
Like MC Hammer I’ll roll you up like carpet 2 legit to quit Don’t think I won’t scrap I will make you take a nap and also a crap Get back on your knees And beg of me forgiveness Before I wreck you I’ll put you into check And that goof was on purpose Clap on, clap OFF, fool ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2001, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/14 "2001-06-30T06:02:35Z")
Agile **Tris** dodges Miller bounces off tree like One of the Stooges. Now YOU are haiku Master. You deal with these jerks. I’m going to bed. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2001, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/15 "2001-06-30T06:05:37Z")
If I post like this In every thread, how long 'til I get myself banned? ---
**Author:** ![Sultan\_Kinkari](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7bcc69/32.png) [@Sultan\_Kinkari](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sultan_Kinkari)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2001, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/16 "2001-06-30T06:25:22Z")
Howard Stern is on But I am not distracted by a bare body Like Hong Kong Phooey Quicker than the human eye Wax on, wax off, Pow! ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2001, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/17 "2001-06-30T06:57:18Z")
Seeking no honor, Akido haiku black belt Only holds up pants. Whirling words fly by, Bringing only soft breezes, As we share laughter. Bow to honored foes, Pass the title on laughing, You are now master. ## Tris “” not a valid response. ~ Unknown ~ ---
**Author:** ![boomvark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9dc877/32.png) [@boomvark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boomvark)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2001, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/18 "2001-06-30T17:59:09Z")
Soothing breezes blow. So do some girls here. Too bad I don’t know which ones. Leave brain at the door. Read a thread. Press the wrong keys. Click ‘Submit Reply’. Preview is my friend. Coffee isn’t. Post is gone. What is this ‘chill pill’? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2001, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/19 "2001-06-30T21:02:14Z")
I have studied well. I take **Tris** ’s belt, his pants fall down. Victory! Once again, I am Haiku master. You can tell by my fake moustache. As you can see, it Is very long and droopy. It gets in my soup. Still, haiku kung-fu Masters must have fake droopy moustache. Union regs. ---
**Author:** ![eunoia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eunoia/32/97_2.png) [@eunoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eunoia)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/20 "2001-07-01T19:02:34Z")
Little grasshopper Your verse is rather tepid Time for you to leave [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688.md?page=2)