# Attack Haiku **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 30, 2001, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688 "2001-06-30T02:56:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Purd\_Werfect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47c2d/32.png) [@Purd\_Werfect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Purd_Werfect)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/21 "2001-07-01T20:02:23Z")
This jibba-jabba Proves you are no match for me I pity you, foo’ ---
**Author:** ![Milossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Milossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Milossarian)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/22 "2001-07-01T21:10:34Z")
Think you’re man enough? Bring it on, you pencil-neck! Pimp-slapping ensues ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/23 "2001-07-01T23:29:24Z")
Amateurs! Peons! Face the fury of my fists! All who resist, die. Your tired quotes from Mr. T make me laugh. He Couldn’t beat Rocky. In Shaolin temple, I was pimp-slapped everyday. Now, I am immune. ---
**Author:** ![waxteeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/258eb7/32.png) [@waxteeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/waxteeth)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/24 "2001-07-01T23:31:16Z")
Feet give quiet flight Bounding upwards top of trees Like crouching tiger Swing head to unleash Giant ponytail razor Cuts you like ribbon Thumb rubs on my nose My fingers motion come here Spirit of Bruce Lee Speaking of Bruce Lee He kicked the ass of Norris Enter the dragon It just will not fit The phrase I want to use now My Kung Fu is bet… … … ---
**Author:** ![waxteeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/258eb7/32.png) [@waxteeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/waxteeth)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2001, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/25 "2001-07-01T23:33:56Z")
I left out a dot In the last of my haiku Shame is on my School ---
**Author:** ![Tenar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@Tenar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenar)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/26 "2001-07-02T00:42:52Z")
You claim Shaolin name? Master Po spits at you! White eyes flash in contempt! If kamikaze wrote no better than this, no oka bombs would fall! Baka! Admit de- feat! (Damn. Why don’t syllables fall the way I want?) ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/27 "2001-07-02T02:17:42Z")
Billy Blanks taught me well Tae Bo haiku dominates pantywaists like you Kneel down o weak ones my verse is as steely as my six pack of abs ---
**Author:** ![amati](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@amati](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amati)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/28 "2001-07-02T10:28:36Z")
my haiku technique will win without a problem come, meet your demise i need not my fists i will defeat you with word die at my pen, bitch hold on a minute i have to change the station and scratch my testes ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/29 "2001-07-02T12:11:01Z")
[haiku mode off] I swear to god, I woke up this morning and was lying there blissfully half-awake and suddenly I thought “HOLY CHRIST! ‘Billy Blanks taught me well’ has too many syllables!” It was the first thing that ran across my mind. I need serious, serious help. And I don’t mean to cope with the humiliation of screwing up a haiku. At any rate, let’s change it to “B. Blanks taught me well” [/haiku mode off] ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/30 "2001-07-02T17:41:51Z")
I lay in the chair Insert plug into my skull I now know kung-fu! MrVisible with bloodcurdling Screech of Death enters the wordfight Trips over shoelace rockets nimbly out window bounces off awning ---
**Author:** ![Spiritus\_Mundi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Spiritus\_Mundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiritus_Mundi)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/31 "2001-07-02T18:35:28Z")
Swaying in Autumn The willow tree bends to find Mundi’s Fist of Death! Spiritus focused All chi flows to one stillness Miller lies defeated Tae Bo makes much noise Billy Blanks has rock-hard abs And glass jaw. Too bad. ---
**Author:** ![Spiritus\_Mundi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Spiritus\_Mundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiritus_Mundi)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/32 "2001-07-02T18:40:37Z")
Mundi cannot count Chi falters. Spiritus acks! Miller undefeat- ed ---
**Author:** ![eunoia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eunoia/32/97_2.png) [@eunoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eunoia)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2001, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/33 "2001-07-02T22:57:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CrankyAsAnOldMan \* > \*\*[haiku mode off] > > I swear to god, I woke up this morning and was lying there blissfully half-awake and suddenly I thought “HOLY CHRIST! ‘Billy Blanks taught me well’ has too many syllables!” It was the first thing that ran across my mind. > > I need serious, serious help. And I don’t mean to cope with the humiliation of screwing up a haiku. > > At any rate, let’s change it to “B. Blanks taught me well” > > [/haiku mode off] > > \*\* “my six pack of abs” a hilarious riposte I fell off my chair ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2001, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/34 "2001-07-03T01:49:57Z")
**MrVisible** Control-Alt-Delete. Goodbye to your kung-fu, punk. And as for the rest, You are all found unworthy. I am SO damn cool. Who next shall fall to My unlikely weapons and Clumsy wirework? ---
**Author:** ![amati](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@amati](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amati)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2001, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/35 "2001-07-03T04:38:14Z")
miller, you have asked now death comes for you tonight on little cat feet silently come i you do not see my finger poke you in the eye now you are blinded you cannot see your haiku and it is sloppy death, you are no more miller, i drag your corpse out for the boards to see ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2001, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/36 "2001-07-03T05:59:48Z")
Has ninja haiku Come and gone, without a trace? Who can ever know? Tris ---
**Author:** ![Spiritus\_Mundi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Spiritus\_Mundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiritus_Mundi)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2001, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/37 "2001-07-03T16:30:23Z")
Triskadecamus Spiritus bows to the master. Wait! Where has he gone? ---
**Author:** ![Kaz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaz)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2001, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/38 "2001-07-03T17:31:29Z")
New ninja enters “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Death comes for you” he screams. Melodramatic I know. However, beware **The Kazanator** He haikus with speed of mongoose and with the long black tongue of giraffe. “Bring it on!” says he Snarling with dreadful wrath Also his mad stank “Who the man now, dog?” Sean Connery has nothing I’m better then Bond My glove is thrown, bitch. I can take you all, fear me. **Kaz** is next master. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2001, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/39 "2001-07-03T17:48:38Z")
Cranky cannot count but neither can spiritus I weep with joint shame ---
**Author:** ![Spiritus\_Mundi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Spiritus\_Mundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiritus_Mundi)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2001, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/40 "2001-07-03T18:33:22Z")
Spiritus knows shame Can urge one to new greatness. Together we rise. Wait. Calm as water. Accepting shame, none remains. I got Cranky’s back. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688.md?page=3)