# Attack Haiku **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 30, 2001, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688 "2001-06-30T02:56:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![katiekilldare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/838e76/32.png) [@katiekilldare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/katiekilldare)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2001, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/41 "2001-07-03T19:04:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kaz \* > \*\*He haikus with speed > of mongoose and with the long > black tongue of giraffe. > > “Bring it on!” says he > Snarling with dreadful wrath > Also his mad stank > \*\* Laboring mongoose, startled by foot stomped on tongue. Mad Stank bleats in pain. Cranky, Spiritus, bound by like counting issues give game extra flair. ---
**Author:** ![eunoia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eunoia/32/97_2.png) [@eunoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eunoia)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2001, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/42 "2001-07-04T01:03:40Z")
Do not provoke me! Your punch-drunk calumnies are Like annoying gnats Show proper respect In dojo-above-the-clouds I school your masters Wu Shu Master I Between your thoughts and actions My will stands smiling ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2001, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/43 "2001-07-04T01:13:07Z")
These skills amaze me I cannot be your equal I bow in defeat Like the willow I must bend to fate; I apply to [NinjaBurger](http://www.ninjaburger.com). ---
**Author:** ![eunoia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eunoia/32/97_2.png) [@eunoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eunoia)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2001, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/44 "2001-07-04T01:35:32Z")
Don’t capitulate! The Tao of the True King is To make others laugh ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2001, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/45 "2001-07-04T02:22:19Z")
Then **eunoia** must Be the True King: see how all Openly mock you. **MrVisible** Burger and fries, please. Oh no! Caltrop in milkshake! ---
**Author:** ![eunoia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eunoia/32/97_2.png) [@eunoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eunoia)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2001, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/46 "2001-07-04T03:17:02Z")
Mock me if you must Whilst general mirth prevails I fondle your wives ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2001, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/47 "2001-07-04T06:12:00Z")
Keep your hands off my Wives, you dishonorable Offspring of a dog. ---
**Author:** ![Spiritus\_Mundi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Spiritus\_Mundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiritus_Mundi)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2001, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/48 "2001-07-04T15:30:58Z")
Revelation comes! Extra syllable power! Haiku + will triumph! With unbounded chi I cut down my enemies. Symmetry falls to strength. Error in counting? Drunken Mundi deceives you. Six: number of power. The sum of factors. Perfection that devastates Your pitiful primes. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2001, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/49 "2001-07-04T15:45:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kaz \* > \*\*He haikus with speed > of mongoose and with the long > black tongue of giraffe. > \*\* Hearing his screen name, **Giraffe** leaps to the attack Only falling twice. “Impudent ape dung! My tongue is not black, you fool! Oh wait. Yes it is.” With impressive skill, And unmatched fluidity, He licks **Miller** ’s wives ---
**Author:** ![AbbySthrnAccent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@AbbySthrnAccent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AbbySthrnAccent)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2001, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/50 "2001-07-04T16:49:43Z")
Hilarious thread, I cannot attack you; as I ache from laughter. I cannot help but wonder, can **Miller** handle another hot wife? I preview and grin, perhaps **Eunoia** or the **Giraffe** and his tongue? Suddenly warm and blushing pink, stuttering too I run from this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Kaz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaz)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2001, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/51 "2001-07-05T03:16:05Z")
**Miller** ain’t da man anymore, I shall make him into mu-shu pork Chop sticks at ready Dinner number twelve, to go It is **Miller** Time **Spiritus** , my son I hate to break it to you your six power sucks I cannot be touched by **eunoia** ’s strong powers no wives to fondle Anybody else? thought not. I am king of the Attack Haiku thread. ---
**Author:** ![Ura-Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/51bf81/32.png) [@Ura-Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ura-Maru)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2001, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/52 "2001-07-05T07:04:08Z")
Crimson light of dawn, Lo! Can of whup-ass opened As the stars, you fall! The Goddess of Death. Such grace in her roundhouse kick, My grope, ill-advised. The Swordsman 2 plays. There, Essence Absorbing Stance Your head, deflating. Atomic wasteland. A Piercing Kick strikes your groin! I love Fallout 2. Entwined in silken sheets, Michelle Yeoh, Pam Grier, and I, Alas for fanboy dreams! – There are some things not even a pacifist can bear! PACIFIST CRUSH! ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2001, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/53 "2001-07-05T15:03:51Z")
No one fears you, **Kaz** Your mom still cleans your diaper When you wet the bed. Now that **Miller** ’s gone **Giraffe** has no wives to lick… “ **Abby** , how you doon’?” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2001, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/54 "2001-07-05T21:01:06Z")
In polyester MrVisible enters delivering food His Ninja training at the burger joint dojo quickly completed Sneakily he sneaks up on Giraffe, currently ogling Miller’s wife With Ninjitsu and Origami, he ties a nice bow in neck. Standing over foe, Giraffe knotted on the ground, “You want fries with that?” ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2001, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/55 "2001-07-05T22:08:32Z")
I loathe raw fish - BUT! sushi of Giraffe? Smack lips! Black-tongue snack delights No fries with sushi! “Blasphemy!” screams Iron Chef Get some taste, heathen. While you nosh, Ginsu applied to neck with great force Blood spills, Cranky laughs ---
**Author:** ![eunoia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eunoia/32/97_2.png) [@eunoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eunoia)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/56 "2001-07-06T02:13:17Z")
Wise **eunoia** says: "I show rock, paper, scissors All on the same hand I cannot lose, I Embrace ambiguities: “There” and “Not-All-There” Un-susceptible Praise and bile roll off my back Like drops of spring rain" Attack and rebuff Is but a game for infants… **Abby** meet **Giraffe** ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/57 "2001-07-06T02:23:31Z")
I posted before. Then, my haikus were not that great. Now, a new story. This haiku has a big japanese word somewhere. Watashi. Cool, huh? I’m sorry for my last haiku; it was bad S\*\*\*. No swears in this post. I rock the haiku. None rock haiku like I do. Garth, that was haiku. ---
**Author:** ![Kaz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaz)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/58 "2001-07-06T20:03:32Z")
Haiku is meant to amaze and kick-butt, but damn! **Ura** , WTF? Nice try, however I think your Goddess of Death is coming for you. **Giraffe** , fool, you call this a diaper? BIFF! POP! SMACK! **Abby** thinks you smell. And you, **Visible** , take your polyester butt back to McDonald’s. Said **Kaz** as he sneaks behind. “Sushi this, fry-man!” Flying kick to head! Rock, paper, scissors, HA! Merely child’s play. Real stuff is coin toss. Speaking of which, WHIP! My silver doller death star to chest, **eunoia**! CRACK! SLASH! BIFF! WHAM! POP! Go onomatopoeia! Batman got nothing. ---
**Author:** ![eunoia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eunoia/32/97_2.png) [@eunoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eunoia)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/59 "2001-07-06T20:34:31Z")
Throwing star hits heart As explained, heart is long gone Zero damage points Crack! Slash! Biff! Wham! Pop! Like sounds made in the forest I hear only “Poot!” ---
**Author:** ![Gartog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/22d042/32.png) [@Gartog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gartog)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/60 "2001-07-06T20:39:53Z")
Hidding in the dark Waiting for the moment Wham, Bam I’m da Man! I will drink rice wine Slap you with this wet hadock you will fall for me I am the Jedi My powers will bend your words they cannot harm me [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688.md?page=4)