# Attack Haiku **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 30, 2001, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688 "2001-06-30T02:56:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2001, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/61 "2001-07-08T00:06:09Z")
From Crouching Lotus Stance I jump-kick back-flip and Bump thread back to top. **Gartog** , your spelling Is like the babblings of a Child. Nor can you count. Heartless **Eunoia** , I have your heart, and will serve It with fava beans. **Kaz** has no kung-fu Only breakfast cereal Sound effects. Loser. **Totoro** , dated SNL reference is Your fatal weakness Not even rhyming Haiku can save you from my Millenial might. **Cranky** , you are no _Iron Chef._ At best, you are Maybe _Yan Can Cook._ **Visible** returns, But too many burgers means Big coronary. **Ura** has pretty Way with words. It is too bad He looks like Deathclaw. **Abby** ONE hot wife Would be a big improvement. All these wives, no sex. Many wives equals Way too much nagging. Oh no! Here come wives! Hide me! Alas my kung-fu Does not fix squeaky door-hinge. I must get my tools. And so the master Is defeated by power Of matrimony. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2001, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/62 "2001-07-08T19:37:12Z")
Besotted with joy I stumble upon a gem Unparallelled light For such is the dream The lonely cube of ice melts Upon silver tongues Soothing gestures find Willing recipients here Where love is succor Prehensile- A waste On a man with no words to Go with a big tongue 😃 Finer surely, to Wait for her shining Prince Toons To alight nearby And defend her pure Heart and rippling soul from all Who might offend there. ============================================================ The glyph lay sleeping A thousand years alone there Awaiting the sun A day like no other Light struck the glyph and it stirred The world born anew. ============================================================ An innocent gift A flower of deepest red awash in water And so pure whites are Turned to Pink, behold such glee I wish it was me. ---
**Author:** ![eunoia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eunoia/32/97_2.png) [@eunoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eunoia)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2001, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/63 "2001-07-08T20:05:50Z")
Such sensitive verse Proves you are one with The Way Do learn how to scrap My heart bleeds red tears All over **Miller’s** luncheon Wasted chianti ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2001, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/64 "2001-07-08T22:35:31Z")
**Toon’s** verse makes me weep Such beauty! Such grace! I brain Him with a crowbar. ---
**Author:** ![eunoia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eunoia/32/97_2.png) [@eunoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eunoia)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2001, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/65 "2001-07-09T23:32:41Z")
Poor Jedi **Gartog** There is disturbance in Force Phantom Menace sucked. Fear and Pain were **Toon’s** : Useful to warn of danger But weakness is death. Commit seppuku or bow to my awesome will I’m invincible ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/66 "2001-07-10T00:01:53Z")
MrV returns his cardiovascular system doing fine indubitably he will soon succumb to a huge coronary long-term cardiac disease shall not be scoffed at nor should concussions **eunoia** , your code reveals your weaknesses you are much too bold MrVisible renders **eunoia** senseless with a spatula ---
**Author:** ![eunoia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eunoia/32/97_2.png) [@eunoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eunoia)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/67 "2001-07-10T00:46:08Z")
My last life ebbing I wish you all fond farewell My blade in my guts. Oh blast! I’m undone Verily, it was a slice _Preview_ is my friend. ---
**Author:** ![Tenar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@Tenar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenar)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/68 "2001-07-10T14:44:11Z")
Weary of thread, unable to haiku, I ram steel home I topple over, pour iron poor blood on profaned ground. Alas! My final syllable count flawed! I die in shame. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/69 "2001-07-10T20:16:58Z")
Tae Kwon Do Haiku defeats mounted samurai with high kicks, meter Ha! At least it is an olympic sport; kung-fu will win no medals Pilates haiku creates mighty power with perfect symmetry ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/70 "2001-07-10T21:36:00Z")
Two hours of silence indicate I am Master Haiku genius: Me! ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2001, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/71 "2001-07-10T22:36:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cartooniverse \* > \*\* > Prehensile- A waste > On a man with no words to > Go with a big tongue 😃 > \*\* Naive grasshopper, Skilled prehensile tongue actions Speak louder than words. Your copious verse More than makes up for my lack Balance is maintained. ---
**Author:** ![MrVisible](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@MrVisible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrVisible)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2001, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/72 "2001-07-11T22:16:32Z")
MrVisible distraught, looks upon all the carnage he has wrought His worthy foes dead all that is left to him is evisceration a fight’s glory fades his sad ancestors look on the spatula cuts deep ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2001, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/73 "2001-07-12T00:53:12Z")
I drop through ceiling, Weapons ready, a battle Cry dies on my lips. **Visibile** dead by Spatula Seppuku. I Never get any fun. **Tenar** : sarcasm And a cool LeGuin sig will Provide no defence. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2001, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/74 "2001-07-13T19:34:21Z")
Grasshopper no more The student masters giraffe As the tongue withers Delicate words win Out over coarse linguinals Thine tongue doth decieve ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2001, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/75 "2001-07-14T00:18:15Z")
Cooled by the breezes From great martial arts display, Haiku do finds wa. The spirit of peace Seeks to master only self. Thus, harmony lives. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2001, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/76 "2001-07-14T00:58:42Z")
Elizabethan Kung-Fu haiku? Culture clash Makes my head explode. ---
**Author:** ![AbbySthrnAccent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@AbbySthrnAccent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AbbySthrnAccent)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2001, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/77 "2001-07-14T01:07:48Z")
I return in search of another hearty laugh from this haiku thread. **Miller** cannot type. English grad student needs help; visible, not visibile. Carnage everywhere. Hail! Pacifist E.M.T., wounded need your care! Verbose pacifist his words and first aid not fists will subdue his foes. Can prehinsile tongue provide charming chat and aid, or just lots of tongue? ---
**Author:** ![AbbySthrnAccent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@AbbySthrnAccent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AbbySthrnAccent)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2001, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/78 "2001-07-14T01:20:13Z")
I forgot comma! “his words and first aid, not fists” Preview works, if used. :o ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2001, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/79 "2001-07-14T01:25:23Z")
Forty-seven poems, Only one lousy typo. Cut me some slack, **Acc.** ---
**Author:** ![AbbySthrnAccent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@AbbySthrnAccent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AbbySthrnAccent)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2001, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688/80 "2001-07-14T01:40:10Z")
This thread is a blast, definitely an A plus! You are forgiven. I really regret unkind and silly nitpick, I apologize. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attack-haiku/70688.md?page=5)