# Attempted murder-suicide by my spatula. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 9, 2004, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attempted-murder-suicide-by-my-spatula/263747 "2004-09-09T08:29:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Tio\_Gringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5e925/32.png) [@Tio\_Gringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tio_Gringo)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2004, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attempted-murder-suicide-by-my-spatula/263747/61 "2004-09-13T18:31:35Z")
> [@EvilAsh](#): > > better better Sorry, I have a very rare affliction. I st-st-stutter stutter, but only when I’m typing. I’m a :wally. ---
**Author:** ![Chastain86](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Chastain86](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chastain86)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2004, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attempted-murder-suicide-by-my-spatula/263747/62 "2004-09-13T20:01:40Z")
Show us on the doll where the spatula touched you. There’s nothing to fear now. Let out the pain. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2004, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attempted-murder-suicide-by-my-spatula/263747/63 "2004-09-13T20:32:43Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > You see, **wolfman’s** spatula (which I call a flipper to distinguish it from the utensil I use to get the last of the brownie dough out of the bowl) . . . “I’m a spatula” [slap] “I’m a flipper” [slap] “I’m a spatula” [slap] “I’m a flipper” [slap] “I’M A SPATULA _AND_ A FLIPPER!!” ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2004, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attempted-murder-suicide-by-my-spatula/263747/64 "2004-09-13T21:41:36Z")
[ul][li]The spork, mute evidence of a desperate cross-functional attempt at love and normality.[_]The spatula/flipper ambiguity, robbing innocent utensils of their sense of identity.[_]The luscious description of _personal service_ to utensils in **Kallessa** ’s post, so cruelly unfulfilled by reality.The lack of real inter-spatula companionship so tellingly described by **The Scrivener**.[/ul]Is it any wonder that utensils go mad? [/li] Yes, the spatula did it, but that’s like blaming the bullet when we should look for the wielder of the gun. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2004, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attempted-murder-suicide-by-my-spatula/263747/65 "2004-09-13T21:47:05Z")
> [@The Asbestos Mango](#): > > Has nobody considered the possibility that this might simply have been a stupid, tragic accident? Maybe the spatula was trying to impress the serving spoon by balancing itself precariously in the rack while crooning Sinatra tunes, and lost its balance and fell onto the element. I had so hoped there would be a good, caffiene spew worthy joke here, but regretfully it looks like the only song ol’Frank recorded with Hot, heat or spatula in the title was [(There’ll Be A) Hot Time In The Old Town Of Berlin](http://lyricalfantasia.com/view.php?do=view&songid=67552&PHPSESSID=18c0638b75dc4c9ea60d4c902ff80843). You’d think a crooner like Sinatra would have recorded something like You’re My Hot Little Muffin. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2004, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attempted-murder-suicide-by-my-spatula/263747/66 "2004-09-13T22:21:54Z")
Guns don’t fling themselves onto the heating coils of your dishwasher. Which is why you should use you thirty eight to clean out the Miracle Whip jar. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2004, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attempted-murder-suicide-by-my-spatula/263747/67 "2004-09-13T22:41:04Z")
> [@wolfman](#): > > Lately I have seen these spangly new spatulas, that are space age silicon jobs and aparently won’t melt if you try to flip molten lead on the surface of the sun. But I didn’t go for it, I showed loyalty to my old trusty friend. Same old story, the old and faithful replaced by the silicone enhanced. ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2004, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attempted-murder-suicide-by-my-spatula/263747/68 "2004-09-14T03:18:43Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > I’m going to go home and tell all of my utensils how much I love them! Each in a different way, of course. 😃 Love your utensils, but don’t _love_ your utensils. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2004, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attempted-murder-suicide-by-my-spatula/263747/69 "2004-09-14T05:31:15Z")
I for one welcome the dominion of our new silicon-utensil overlords. ---
**Author:** ![ageless6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@ageless6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ageless6)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2004, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attempted-murder-suicide-by-my-spatula/263747/70 "2004-09-14T06:00:17Z")
**Andrew T:** Me too.I wanted a whisk to use in my teflon frying pan to scramble eggs.My SO said no such animal was made that wouldn’t ruin the teflon.I(having read this thread) said there was. We went to Target tonight,to get a few items,and I said I wanted to go look at the whisks.She reiterated that I wouldn’t find one that could be used on teflon.I found a silicone whisk that said on the card it was attached to: dishwasher safe; **safe for non-stick cookware;** and heat resistant to 500 degrees F She mumbled something about them being a brand new item,and I read abject defeat in her eyes. I WON ONE,I WON ONE! I teased her mercilessly. (Of course I’ll pay dearly,later.) ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2004, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attempted-murder-suicide-by-my-spatula/263747/71 "2004-09-14T08:06:43Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > “I’m a spatula” [slap] “I’m a flipper” [slap] “I’m a spatula” [slap] “I’m a flipper” [slap] “I’M A SPATULA _AND_ A FLIPPER!!” The incidence of multiple personalities among utensils is rare, but not entirely unknown. Usually brought on by acute trauma in the early life stages, psycho-utensilologist have spent many years debating the advatages and disadvantages of re-intergration. Although the utensil itself is restored to its individual nature, the kitchen as a whole loses out on the use of its secondary function, and is therefore underequipped. The stress caused by this may result in trauma to multiple utensils. Does the good of the many out-weigh the good of the individual? Perhaps the answer can be found in the rubberized nature of the spatula itself. For the untensil quoted above, many specialists would recommend dolphin therapy, but others may try a radical new treatment which uses a pinball machine. ---
**Author:** ![j\_sum1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8baadc/32.png) [@j\_sum1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_sum1)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2004, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attempted-murder-suicide-by-my-spatula/263747/72 "2004-09-14T08:28:59Z")
Could it be _ **Mack the Knife?** _ ---
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2004, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attempted-murder-suicide-by-my-spatula/263747/73 "2004-09-14T08:48:27Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > The incidence of multiple personalities among utensils is rare, but not entirely unknown. Usually brought on by acute trauma in the early life stages, psycho-utensilologist have spent many years debating the advatages and disadvantages of re-intergration. Although the utensil itself is restored to its individual nature, the kitchen as a whole loses out on the use of its secondary function, and is therefore underequipped. The stress caused by this may result in trauma to multiple utensils. Does the good of the many out-weigh the good of the individual? Perhaps the answer can be found in the rubberized nature of the spatula itself. > > For the untensil quoted above, many specialists would recommend dolphin therapy, but others may try a radical new treatment which uses a pinball machine. Actually, that method died in its infancy. The emotional transferrance and countertransferrence in many cases was so intense that many of the pinball machines suffered breakdowns and ended up deaf, dumb and blind. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2004, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attempted-murder-suicide-by-my-spatula/263747/74 "2004-09-14T15:44:17Z")
> [@The Asbestos Mango](#): > > …many of the pinball machines suffered breakdowns and ended up deaf, dumb and blind. But you gotta admit, they had balls… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Corner\_Case](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/corner_case/32/234_2.png) [@Corner\_Case](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corner_Case)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2004, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attempted-murder-suicide-by-my-spatula/263747/75 "2004-09-14T17:30:09Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > It could be worse. We may not be getting the whole story here. Imagine: > > “Ladle, cradle. … Grater, later. … Skillet, fill it. … But you, spatula… what am I going to do with you?” > > Pressure like that, any utensil could snap. Spatula, Bakula … yep, suicide - no question about it. ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2004, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attempted-murder-suicide-by-my-spatula/263747/76 "2004-09-15T00:04:34Z")
> [@The Asbestos Mango](#): > > Actually, that method died in its infancy. The emotional transferrance and countertransferrence in many cases was so intense that many of the pinball machines suffered breakdowns and ended up deaf, dumb and blind. Yeah, but it was a mean pinball. Tommy can you hear me . . . ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2004, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attempted-murder-suicide-by-my-spatula/263747/77 "2004-09-15T08:50:23Z")
I am completley shocked and appalled that none of you insensitive assholes are thinking of the poor dishwasher. Talk about an innocent bystander! Here was a likely unappreciated appliance just doing it’s job when one of those spatula types decides to garner some attention to gain sympathy. Now you all run in and make light of the loss and praise the spatula. Whatever the reason for the spatula to end it all, think of the guilt the dishwasher feels. Think of the dishwasher’s feelings, people, the dishwasher. I’m ashamed of all of you. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2004, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attempted-murder-suicide-by-my-spatula/263747/78 "2004-09-15T14:31:57Z")
**duffer** , that’s a very good point. I’ve been treating the dishwasher as a mere backbround to the relationships between the utensils. But how has it been treated? Has it built up a freight of resentment? Has it been increasingly sullen each time it accepts a load of dishes to be washed? Have the results been inconsistent? Has it been taunting innocent utensils while they are in its power, spraying jets of water in their private places while they are most vulnerable? Maybe the spatula was _pushed_. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/attempted-murder-suicide-by-my-spatula/263747.md?page=3)